A family man of 42 years old

Hello world, I have become 42 today. Still surviving - only one hospitalisation, one marriage, one kid, one car, no house, no published book, several non-profits, several jobs (and gap periods), several good people around and still studying.

With Majoni & jibon logori

The current life situation is alright, except the fact that wife and daughter are not staying with me. When it happened last year on this very day, I thought my A2O and PhD efforts will be accelerated in absence of them. In reality, no such acceleration; the grief, cost and consequences of not living together are huge. I have realised I am a fully 'family man'. How foolishly I thought of remaining unmarried at one point of time of my life! Thanks to Maa, Dada and the Covid. 

I spent crazy last 72 hours. The reason was tax return filing in ITR2 format including schedule FA and FSI- something I was doing for the first time, all by myself. It surely pumped up my self confidence in the financial jungle at the cost of some sleepless stressful hours. Finance and Health are the two sectors I am focussing a lot post 40. However, I have realised- the more I believe about knowing something, the more things pop up that I am unaware of. This learning will continue, but I need to put a structure into it. With the payment of nine lakh as annual tax, I have to be more methodical. In case of health, I am doing better than finance, I believe. The recent liver fibroscan result showing my fatty liver coming down from grade 2 to grade 1 has given me so much joy. 

Professional life is at peace currently. In fact, first time I have realised that one can work at such a stressless atmosphere. The only problem here is that I am 'only 42', and still have the 'josh' of taking up something complex which is more worthwhile that may led me to something extra-ordinary which I dreamt of at point of time in career. The recent application for IIE- Director is towards that direction. I have become extremely choosy in applying for opportunities these days. On a personal front, cutting down the Shillong-Guwahati stretch in my Tezpur journeys is another inspiration for looking out.  

Office people has been fabulous 

By next birthday, wife will complete her Pune Masters' and the insect for another child will start biting heavily. My age is a 'no factor' in planning for second child, as I have (still doing) created sufficient financial legroom for that. Both mine and her PhDs will continue, I will try publishing a paper though. If nothing comes up professionally, the status quo will continue. That Ashesh Kumar astrologer told from March 2027 onwards, I will get severely busy. That's one angle where I am keeping an eye. I hope Maa's health remain solid, other close family members keep doing good. These are big disruptions, if not anticipated, always difficult to accommodate. 

One of the great things of growing up is that many of your questions of জ্যামিতি বাকচ are getting answered. Listening to thinkers like Yuval Noah Harari gives me goosebumps at times. How he convincingly describes the same question that I have been carrying since childhood! I can imagine the impacts thinkers/philosophers like Socrates and Aristotle might have created in their times. How AI will change the world - is one of my great thinking areas of recent period. 

How the day gone- I started this post in the morning. At Office, LMC meeting took lot of time. Then the cake cutting, food, I ordered desserts etc. Bah Ben's prayer before the cake was like icing. I also gave a small speech, just to highlight the 'storytelling' bit. Then I started for Tezpur at 2 PM and reached by 7 PM. Another cake and delicious Basanti pulao and chicken kosha by dear wife. Life is good! 

A new start 'again' on the birthday

I am in the middle of a huge transition. Fortunately, coincidently and strategically, the final leap to the new chapter is happening today on the 41st birthday. Amazing!

It is not a new thing for me to start a new chapter of life on birthday or in and around this date. The trend started long back in 2000 when I left home for the very first time and started Cotton life. Recently, the IITG PhD student life started on this very day. I love starting something new on birthday.

While starting the Shillong chapter, I was certain that the immediate change, if any, has to be initiated by Nina since I had no plan until Assam's next assembly election. The first signal came when Nina cleared UGC-NET on 23 February 2025. Things have really taken a different route since then. Although we aimed at a few universities, sincere efforts were made only to Tezpur and Gauhati university. And, guess what, Nina got into both the universities. Finally we selected Tezpur based on a broad range of matrices. Obstacles did came in terms two abortion decisions, fitment of Nina's diversified profile into a PhD focusing on performing Art, Nina's simultaneous pursuance of the Masters degree from Bharati Vidyapith, closing down the Bapupara school, delayed result of TU which costed us money and trust to take admission in GU as well, unavailability of essential childcare person etc. All obstacles were removed slowly. The final good news came in terms of getting Omi bai to stay with Nina at Tezpur and allotment of Scholars' Home inside the TU campus. I can't thank God enough for all these. He has been extraordinarily kind in this chapter. Since I am not used to such kindness, I often become suspicious of some imminent danger. But let's keep that aside today. 

Today, we (I, Nina, Rodali and Omi bai) started from Wahhe at 6-30 AM. The mini carrier which was loaded yesterday also started by 7 AM. I attended a SDC call at 10-00 am while doing breakfast at Nagaon. The initial procedures at TU were impressively quicker. However, the condition of the room was pathetic, particularly the toilet and the walls. We went to the Engineering cell and glad to find the executive engineer a 'Nath', a passionate nath from Tezpur. He asked the subordinates to extend all possible help. Still lot to be done. However, I made a point to cook and stay the night at the room105 only. Nina was hesitant, but she won't understand the theory of doing this. Now it is 9-03 PM, had dinner among pile of household cartons, finishing the post from cellphone and would go to sleep. This is the birthday in a nutshell. 

Life beyond this point - I am sanguine. Personally, my PhD and A2O will be accelerated- I promise this to myself today. For Nina, this is like a dream coming true. The only exception here is Rodali, who will miss the warmth of both the parents. She has to sacrifice her happiness for the career of her parent. I am going to miss her terribly. I am sure I will make some arrangements to mitigate this, at least during the weekends. Or, who knows, maybe more that that. But more than that, I am worried about Rodali's transition into crèche and with Omi bai. I pray to God to please help us in this segment as well. The Agia and IITG visits will be reduced from now on. The expenses will go up, but not substantially as I moved to a smaller house in Shillong and Nina will get a women researcher fellowship. 

Oh, another important event of the day- finally NeGD appraisal letters came. most people got 11-12% hike. I got around 5.5%, considering I stayed only 7 months. It is good only. I haven't been able to talk to many people, hence not much information. 

I will cherish this birthday in my entire life on a good note. I sincerely hope that good things have just started!

Turning 40

This should have been a public post with lot of insights. Spending 40 years on earth with lot of analysis on my own life, this is expected out of me to produce a masterpiece on this important day. But I couldn't do it. Somehow the darkness of the professional career has overpowered all other emotions. However, taking the life as a whole, you may call this as my immaturity also.

I also thought of hosting a birthday party at home inviting the friends who played an important part during my school days at Agia. I even listed the persons to send invitation. But I have no satisfactory answer to the question "what are you doing these days?", and I cancelled the plan.

The day was spent well. Nina brought a cake and a flower bouquet (from Bongaigaon) , cooked payax, Maa gave thogi. We are also planning to go out in the afternoon. I am planning to do the monthly kharcha at night. (now 4-20 PM)

One new thing I started- made a folder called Birthdays where I will try putting all the available birthday photos. 'Just feel like' kind of activities. I have recently made two folders of photos- social occasion and Zing travel express. 

I was reading through birthday post of 2 years back. Of all the things I planned doing before turning 40, I have not accomplished a single one, except becoming a father. Shame! Shame! 

I am going to take Health seriously from now on. As a first step, I will do Liver Fibroscan since I was diagonized with fatty lever 5 years ago. I am reading ' Own your Body' by Dr. Shiv Sarin and would search a few more books on health and wellness. Health (including happiness) and Finance are two topics I would spend most of my time onwards. 

My current status is not so good from a job/salary perspective. There has not been good news at all. I got a rejection from IIT Mumbai public policy conference which shocked Karuna Da more than me. The ardent delay on the appointments are causing much agony. I am not happily applying for SeMT job, rather under compulsion to stay in Assam for wife, childcare and PhD education. That compromise on the 'linear' career progression decisions are made worst by the uncertainty of chief strategist role, delay of SeMT and rejection for Microsoft roles. I am not sure what the 'good days' that astrologer keeps talking about my present. This is not good, nobody will term this as good situation to be in for a person of my background. On top of everything, the way Dharmapatni is stuck in whatever she does, is making the whole situation really grave. 

Let me end the post with positive note. Let happy days come post by 40th birthday. My Rahu-Jupitaar dasha is ending on 4 Aug and Rahu-Saturn will start. Since there is nothing exciting to look for the days ahead, at least the astrology is something at hand to bring a smile. 

I wish, all the 'reasonable' people of the world has good health and wealth. Aamin!!

Most eventful Birthday of recent years

 My 39th birthday witnessed the most eventful birth day of recent years. 

The day started with the prolonged happiness of becoming a mama. Moina and Tapan decided 1 Aug as the delivery date, in spite of my suggestion of 31 July. However, God has different plan. On 30 July, I accompanied Nina and Rodali who were going for a recording at NKTv. On the way, Maa informed Moina is facing pain and has been hospitalized. I left the studio and reached KGMT nursing home a few minutes before Moina was transferred to the OT. With God's grace she delivered a baby boy of around 3.8 Kg at around 1-50 PM on 30 July. I stayed at Dada's place since the next day had other plans.

The first task of the birthday is to attend PhD coursework class. Happy to be sitting on class after 10 years. As part of mandate of IIT PhD, I need to acquire 24 credit points i.e. 4 lecture subjects within the next one year. In this semester I have taken two - Renewable Energy System (EN661) by Pankaj Da and Globalization and Sustainable Development (HS609) by Dr. Agnirup Sarkar. It was a different feeling to attend 9 AM class with kids of energy/mechanical engg background on my 39th birthday trying to recollect laws of thermodynamics. 

The second experience is the ferry ride to the Guwahati city. I need to visit Pranjal (Goenka Hospital, Bharalumukh) and Moina before reaching the IIT campus again to take 5 PM class of HS609. Driving Dada's car through Maligaon traffic would be a nightmare. Finally, I decided to try ferry ride from Majgaon ghat and that turned out to be an awesome decision. 

Met Pranjal and Pinky just before Pinky was taken to OT. Happy but tense faces! By afternoon, I got the news of they becoming parents of another baby boy. I would always remember Pranjal's dialogue - both Mahatma Gandhi and Lal Bahadur Shastri share 2 October as birthdate. Shastri's occasion remains lesser known as Gandhi completely dominates the day. Who will become Gandhi and who will become Shastri for 31 July- Pranjal's apt question!

At KGMT, I got to see my bhagin. The relationship with mama has been special always. Now, Moina giving birth to a bhagin for me,Wow! In the business of life, we fail to appreciate these beautiful moments. I have no doubt in my mind that these moments would never come back.

The return journey from KGMT to IIT is via Uber, ferry, bike lift with a stoppage at JB's to buy a chips pkt that Nina told. By this time, I decided some portion of the birthday must be celebrated with wifey as well i.e. return to Agia on the same day.

The second lecture by Mr. Sarkar was boring, unstructured, unprepared, but it contained many concepts that I already know (unlike laws of thermodynamics), hence I enjoyed. I hope I would be able to pull through both the courses. May God Bless me on my birthday!

Although I planned to return to home via bus, luckily, Majani bai and Bhini were also returning after dropping Dhunu for her college life. I accompanied them from Dharapur- good chat, good food and reached home at 9-50 PM.

At bed, I met my wife, completely overburdened by the household chores. I told her, on the day of special occasions, one needs to rise above her/his personal issues and needs to live the moments only for the dear ones. This is how relationships gets stronger. Then she hugged me and my 39th birthday came to an end.

Thank you God. I think you have kept a good place for me, and I will try my best not to disappoint you. 

Mandatory Birthday Post

Trying to adjust my schedule for writing this post amidst the thinking that I don't have much to write, but this blog post is a mandate. 

The biggest news/expectation/event is that by next birthday I will become a father. Personally, I am not much excited about it (compared to becoming a married man); but looking at the surrounding, I am sure this is a big event of human life. Praying to God so that everything goes smoothly.

A date with wife on day before birthday

Life is kind of set now, except the one irritation point of finalization of the UK trip. The job is going very nice. The work from home has been the biggest gift I have received off late. This event has changed the course of the calendar year. Somehow, I believe God has been kind. The গৰিয়সী article is a nice thing to have happened recently. Even the office proceedings are going fine. After many years, I have realized this way. Good part is that the nearby future too looks optimistic with CSoD coming into the picture. I know good days don't last long; however, two things can get settled now- starting fatherhood and Nina's career.

Things are ok at home. The construction work at the second floor is taking away the normal peace. I have also decided to invest some money with the condition to take the rent of one of the house parts. Once the rest (50% done) work is done, I hope there will be full stability. The domestic help issue, Maa's health would continue anyway. 

Normal day today. Maa offered some prasad at the temple and  I recited the অষ্টোত্তৰ শতনাম with Nina. She prepared a cake as well. After dropping Nina for her rehearsal for 13 Aug, I and Maa went to Radhe khura's house to provide best wishes to Rajpratim before his journey with JNV starting tomorrow. Then we went to Samaguri and then to Bhini's place. Afternoon, I will be again visiting Bapupara xatra. I love normal non-celebratory birthdays only; not because of age, but to be honest মোৰ লাজ লাগে|

Maybe birthday is a good day to reflect the past and think for the future. For the past, I am committed to make the book ready. Bit slowness has come, but I will drive that away. The more I think about the necessity of penning down my thoughts, the more I am getting convinced of completing this book. The hardest part is finding a common thread throughout, which slowly emerging as 'Education as a tool to survive', 'decision making by lower middle class'. Let's see, I am not sure yet. 

For future, as people said, age 40-50 would have to be kept aside for family. In addition to that, let me write down some thoughts I keep having:

1) Finishing the A2O before turning 40. Write about the common misconceptions of our society through that piece. 

2) No hospitalization in foreseeable future. More time investment in health

3) Diversifying income, reduce dependency on salary, more real estate investment. Bring out a structure in the Puranibhita land.

4) Highlight the library, making it bigger and attractive for people of all age groups.

5) Establishing myself as a Public Policy expert in Assam; this has to do something through HBS. Elevating myself from a student counselor to a policy exert is still a pending task. 

6) Helping Nina taking her career to new height, and explore her parts of the world. Maybe another experiment like OLQ.

7) Working/accompanying Nina in a foreign land for 2-3 years.

8) Having a healthy family- fully moving Maa, me with 2/3 healthy and কথা শুনা children, Dada and Bou settling and then start flying, Moina and Tapan getting settled and becoming parents etc

9) Making strategies how staying at Agia does not make me a laggard, out-of-place person.

10) Can't decide still items-- trying politics one more time, until when to continue full time professional career, where to stay post retirement, domain change from current professional domain, how should I push my children (education/culture/sports/finance/others), what to do with Xomidhan to name a few.

First birthday as married man

Turning 37. First birthday after marriage, second birthday with wife, third birthday in Delhi and fourth birthday at NSDC. 

I am ‘trying to believe’ this birthday as a milestone after Jairam Da’s prophecy at Baguan that my days will start turning green post July. It is not that I am in a desperate situation; but even the non-ambitious zing will admit these are not good days. 

Joy of having creative wife

There are mainly two issues – firstly my work at office. The non-stop ‘Customized Covid Crash Course’ work has made everyone sick of the job. There is no increment/bonus for last two years, learning curve is almost nil; in summary, there is no reason to continue in NSDC. However, the outside world is still recovering from Covid-19 and job market is still opening up. Although I have applied for couple of positions, except the UNICEF and Tata Trusts nobody bothered interviewing me. The meeting with Himanta Biswa Sarma and subsequent ‘hope’ is an uncertain base to rely on. I have nothing to look forward to at present. This has badly affected my future planning such as buying a car, writing any piece and other household stuffs, kind of devotion I must sow at work etc.

Second one is the uncertainty of wife’s future course of action. Covid has directly impacted performing artists with absolutely nothing on plate. Her applications for the creative economy fellowship is one factor. If not, what will she do? Should she go back to MBA kind of career? Her non-earning is seriously hampering the confidence level of both of us. Serious planning such as children, model of new car are stuck because of her status quo.

Do you know the ideal scenario (earlier I thought ideal scenario should remain unpublished, otherwise God will come to know about the secret wish and he will deny)- Nina going for her study and I going back to Assam to join HBS’s team.

At Nehru place, ISKCON temple

The day went well. Since there is another person to talk to, lot of talks and discussion such as how I am feeling, what's the change before and after marriage, why this day has a significance etc. Nina also gifted me a book - Karma.

The day started at 00-00 hours when Nina woke me up to cut 2 cakes prepared by her. I was half-sleep, after doing the activity, I went back to sleep again. In the morning, we were about to leave home for the ISKCON temple at Nehru Place, MSP called to wish and asked to setup a meeting to discuss Vandana's one email. I accepted this 'unexpected despair' with a smile as I was adamant on not turning the day bad. Then, just before entering the temple, Vandana ma'am asked for data. I provided by managing through people. 

The kirtan at the temple calmed us down. We took lunch at the Govinda restaurant- veg food, but quite delicious. While coming back, we came to central secretariat and then took autorickshaw to Shivaji stadium metro. The evening wasnat home before going for sabji shopping at the night market. Anjali checked Nina's hand and again told waiting period for next 2-3 months. All things are on waiting mode. 

Durgapur and NSDC people kept calling. Only these two groups know about the birthday thing, in addition to the close family people. 

I told God - it is not that I have not got anything and I am only complaining about everything. God has been kind with me. But this is sufficient for me being a normal person, which I don't want to be. A leap is due, I must move beyond a certain threshold. This elevation is not happening. I am trying from all fronts, still, it seems some energy is missing. 

Birthday Post amidst lockdown from library room

This is an unprecedented time; not sure whether I will witness something like this in my entire lifetime ever. The Corona virus crisis has hit all of us very badly. I am at home since 23 March 2020. The virus induced lockdown has brought disaster to the lives of many. But for me, the days have been eventful. Since today is my birthday, I am committed making it eventful, even though continuous rain is making it difficult.

All my previous birthday posts had a shadow of grim outlook about the future of my personal life. This one is different. This is again a byproduct of lockdown home stay. I should write about this in much details. I am positive for marriage, the other person is also positive, the families are positives as well. Apart from 1-2 negative forces, the external field is almost clear. The wait is now for the Covid-19 virus to slow down, me leaving for Delhi briefly and then come back within 2-3 months for the big day. I am writing these lines at 1-00 PM and might spend time with her in the afternoon.

The day started with me taking bath early and then reading অষ্টোত্তৰ শতনাম after a long time. Then I started my long pending wish of calculating my total value exercise; last time I did the exercise on 1 Jan,2018. I just completed the activity 15 min ago and happy to cross the Crorepati tag. I must confess that I have included the equity investments (whose value is fluctuating), maturity death amounts of the insurances, bad investment decisions and wrong lending decisions into the total count. This inclusion was kind of expected, since my aim was to touch 1 Cr by any means (like me manipulating myself). One more reason of doing this calculation today was the four big upcoming expenditures of my life- Mirza land, my marriage, Moina's marriage and buying a car. So, this peak in my value might resurface again after a decade, or might not even come back to this level ever. Will see! The other way of looking at it - kya ukhar liya maine Cr ko touch karke?

In other important events- Moina baked a cake. Bismita sent a cake through Kaushik in the morning. I have settled the expectation with her, still she keeps sending these gestures, which I don't appreciate much. Through Bhini, I brought two books on Sattriya that I need to gift to Nijara for her new initiative of Sattriyacorner.in. Maa will cook chicken at night. And,......

And, I will resume the Book project from today. In last 4 months, I didn't open this for a day. I am so sorry for this. Now that the LP School project is coming to an end, I must start this again. I feel so guilty for simply sitting on it.

It is 8-00 PM now. I spent the afternoon with the woman who is going to be the most important person very soon.We went to Samaguri and then to the bank of the Brahmaputra. The talk was concentrating on future mainly. I also informed her about Bismita as I was feeling guilty. I keep telling her my biggest fears and hope she will be able to understand and appreciate. This is quite a different birthday in that sense. 

I wish this were the last birthay as a bachelor. Maybe I will be writing blog with someone next year! On career and other front, I just want to hang on, maybe some good progress on the book.

Bless me God, also bless all the good people in the world !

35th Birthday at NSDC, Delhi

35 is a BI...I....IG number. Although people keeps telling age is just a number, 35 seems really big. When thinking about age, I always wonder, what if I were a woman, specifically an Indian woman, independent but unmarried until 35! Then I think, there is nothing much to get scared- this is just a phase of life that will pass on.

It is 9 AM now- I have started writing the post so that I can finish by the end of the day. It will be full office day at NSDC. Last year, I went home; this year, I decided to spend here only. Manager is on leave and am expecting bit relaxed day.

[Sitting in room#15] : Office activities are going in a non-exciting fashion. I have nothing much to complain as the changes I am expecting can be done only from the leadership level. The RPL team is getting shrunk day by day, scope of no learning from manager and colleague continued, uninspiring leadership still exists, favoritism etc remained. Still, there are positive perspectives - the appraisal happened on time (today my bank account will get the arrears and other things), not much politics in the team, absence of cheap competition, a designation I carry that is worth valuing etc. I remember Vikram Chand's words - you have a title, you have a place to work and getting some amount of money monthly.

Whether I want to continue here at NSDC or explore outside- this is something worth thinking. I have already started thinking (from that notorious Friday when I had to take leave). More or less, there are two 'way forwards' I am thinking -- moving back to for-profit sector (eg- my recent application to Amazon and Facebook for Public Policy Manager roles) or moving to a political appointee type role (only chance here I see having a conversation with HBS). I am also learning to keep my enthusiasm continuing in the current organization so that the frustration of failed job application(s) does not creep in. So far things are under control.

The other thing that is not in control is the personal life which is almost unanimous with marriage. [I have a meeting now, and need to stop writing, 10-22 AM]

[7-55PM, sitting at home]- The day did not go relaxed as expected. After the room#15 writing, I hardly got time to sit and write. I came home with 40+ unread emails. After HR sent email, there has been multiple wishes- both email and physical wishes. Aayushi came to know in the morning and started wishing in the whatsapp group. Aakarshan changed the narrative 'ab ki saal, shaadi ki saal'- eventually the whole office was talking about marriage. The team brought cake, did facial with cream, and I took the whole team for snacks at Foodcourt. People from STT and other teams also joined in. It was really eventful day.

Apart from the above, two conversations dominated the day- my conversation with Aayushi and Punam. So sad to hear that Aayushi's father has been diagonised with Cancer. She was crying like hell. In between that, I had to convey the message of her transfer to the Sankalp team. I presented it in such a way that she feels her importance and influence in NSDC to such extent that CEO and others are noticing her. I was losing a valuable resource, still, I tried to put her interest first.

Then I sat with Punam. I was right in thinking that she hasn't been able to take any decision. Her indecisiveness, in turn, is creating further trouble in aligning resources. I tried to show her different perspectives of her current situation. It was a good positive discussion.

It was also last day for Anju's internship. The discussion I had with Anju regarding my book endeavour taught me many things. She will do English literature from Ambedkar University now. I should be in touch with more people like Anju who can advise me on English literature.

Vandana (HR) asked me how can I be a Leo. I don't look or act like Leo. Maybe, she doesn't know me yet. Or, am I like that?


Coming to the prominent issue of current life/birthday - the marriage thing. There is no update and nothing else is happening on that front. On Trish front, that is a closed chapter since last 1.3 months. It was bad bad closure. I went through some of the most disturbed days and eventually had to engage family members. Oh God- I just want to forget those days, even though overall experience with her had been fantastic. The Anubhav lecture series has come as rescue. Although the good days as per Astrology is far from starting, I hope I should be able to think openly in case of marriage. The next step would be of choice etc. I don't know, I am kind of afraid now, to be honest.

God, you have to really help me here. I am clueless on marriage front. Please, you must act now.

On other things on birthday - gifted INR12,000/- on BD's newly created PPF account, invested INR 50,000/- in Pranjal nursery (2% monthly interest rate), initiated discussion on the flat mentioned by Deva Da (by the way, the day today started at 3-00 AM with Deva da going for taking flight).

I don't want to end the post with any hope. 'Ji hobo, dekha jabo' - I am ending with this attitude. May God bless all of you.

Turning 34 - Birthday post from Agia

I am sitting in the library room at Agia. This is a place full of positive energy. In last ten years, I have drawn positive energy from this library at different phases of my life. It's 6-14 AM now and I am sitting here to gain some positivity. To be honest, there is not much optimism in life at present.

34th birthday is reminding me that I am getting old. I have become aimless. Loneliness in personal life has started creeping in. I feel zero enthusiasm to go back to Delhi tomorrow. There is no one waiting for me there, except a creepy (should I use this word?) job. Situations have become such that I keep expecting meeting a person or reading one book will change my outlook, as shown in movies.

The forced closure of Trishna chapter (with the hanging sword now) has brought much despair in my life since April this year. I am yet to recover and find a solution. I didn't expect Maa to react in such a weird way and oppose that vehemently. My hands are tied with a stupid word called 'emotion'. I see no way how and when this problem would be solved.

At job, there is nothing to dislike, but I am not finding any good factor either. I feel very less energetic to go to office. I ask myself- do I like to come back and work in Assam? I don't find positive a answer. Should I go outside India and try finding a job? Again, I don't find a positive reply. It seems I am stuck at nowhere. What's my career goal? I am completely clueless at this point of time.

The above two factors are my prominent concerns in this birthday. All good-bad days do come to an end and I am hopeful God will surely show a way. Astrology says my happy days are coming starting from 2019. Although, I see no sign ahead, there is reason for me to remain positive.

Apart from all the 'bad' I wrote above, let me write a few good sentences as well. Moina is finally talking about marriage and there might be some start in this year. Dada's promotion exam is in August and God willing there might be changes in his designation. Maa's one year extension thing might come and she would be busy for a year. The road renovation at Agia bazaar is very attractive. Badungduppa without Sukra Da is standing still. The final draft of NRC came out and the names of all my family members are included. There is apprx 4 million omitted names from this draft.

Let me end the post by writing what things excite me sometimes these days- writing a book (not able to decide a topic unfortunately, but increasingly thinking this has to be a fiction), making a movie, again (the experience of OLQ was great; but think Prathamesh is having a troubled life as well to partner with me at this time), coming back to Assam to play an active political role, invest in share market, getting married to a super enthusiastic working woman, going for 1-year training/fellowship programme, spending days at Agia doing nothing, but knowing there is something at the end  of 4 months(say).

The birthday post - year 2017

One more day with 31st July written on it. My birthday!

It is 4-10 PM now. The day has been hectic and I am not been able to concentrate on myself.

On personal front, I am in a fix from my last post. I was in 'go happy' mood until I got the call from Assam that SeMT has created an issue of out of nowhere regarding my recruitment. The issue was about the current salary, which should not have any role to play in their suggested salary. And, everything is happening after they had sent the offer letter mentioning my CTC package.

At office today

More than the money, I felt humiliated as they tried to project me as liar. I was very disturbed since I already resigned. Although I have not been informed anything officially since the offer letter, the internal sources telling me they would reduce the package and ask me to accept the offer. This is insult, I believe.

In the meantime, I reached out to the Flipkart HR who has been in touch with me. She has been enthusiastic with my profile. On Friday, she called up and scheduled my meeting with Sachin Bansal, the co-founder of Flipkart. Oh my God ! I was not expecting that. Tomorrow at 5-00 PM I will be talking with him via Google Hangout. Am so damn excited !

In last 4-5 days, I have made Flipkart as my priority one in case I need to take a decision between Assam old offer and this private startup. However, I am waiting for the official communication from their side. NeGD HR and my manager has been kind enough to issue me a letter mentioning my salary has been increased to 12-15 % in this year (Got to know Sunil Sir gave me 4.8 out of 5). That is my only weapon and I am ready with that. But if Flipkart thing goes through, I will not even share that letter. I am not supposed to explain my current salary- it is so humiliating.

What if Flipkart does not happen and Assam Govt is not budging from its position? In that case, I have decided to accept the offer and go to Assam. Hence, in either case, I am leaving NeGD.

Lot of decision points on my 33th birthday. I have written all those as my whole thought process is completely dominated by these big decisions. I am glad that I could make out some time to write this post.

Will I get married by the time I turn 34? Well, million rupee question and I don't have a single clue. In last 2 weeks, I was developing an angle of  trying out Dhubri LAC seat on BJP ticket. If that happens, I can definitely say marriage will not come on card. In other scenarios, I don't know.

Any plan for the next year--- Nothing to be frank. I just want some clarity on my current puzzles. May be my brain is too exhausted today to think anything else. I apologize for the same.

Happy Birthday Manjit Nath

I am turning 32 today. Happy birthday Manjit Nath !

I was afraid this would be a post with super negativity because of my circumstances in last one week. But before writing this, I just glanced at my last birthday post. Huh.... the situation was worst. No job for a year, repeated failed attempts, no money for house construction work, a laptop with number of keys not working! Well, I am much better off now. Thank you almighty (I am not finding anyone to thank to be frank)

Celebrating b-day with cream cake at Urpad without
Arup's knowledge

I am at home in Agia now. I thought of spending the 32nd birthday amidst family people and hence coincided the home visit accordingly. But unfortunately, home has become a place with tremendous negative energy, mainly for two reasons - the non-ending house construction works and the broken things (mixer grinder, oven, tube light, UPS, kitchen and so on). I remember the article depicting the difference between loving 'things' vs loving 'experiences'. I want to add- the amount of short-term pleasure 'things' can give is much lesser than the amount of long-term unhappiness broken/missing things can give.The house construction decisions are very painful. At every decision, I/(we) was made to realise the 'middle class economy family'. That is the most painful part in my psychology.


To add to all this, yesterday's meeting with RSS Northeast head Ullash ji was a disaster. I and Mausam were made to wait 2 hours for a five minute briefing. His attitude towards Assam government was not enthusiastic. I was angry with Mr. Surendra and Mr. Pradip Hazarika who informed me that they had already briefed Ullash ji, but in fact, they didn't. When I was coming by a traveller which was stopping for every passenger on the road, I was fuming, felt humiliated. At night I dreamt a very bad dream of failure. Today morning I woke up with a completely negative heart. How many days do I need to plead for giving me an opportunity to help my motherland? Whom am I going to help actually - the stupid tracker driver, the non-sense traveller handyman, the corrupted Assam government officials, the laziest Assamese creatures?What am I getting out of this?  Humiliation, anger, frustration, failure? Are these prices I have to pay for !@#$%??

Chanda starting a new phase, Moina and Dhunu are there too

Ok, now let me now come to the positive points. I have to convert this day to be an optimistic one. The behaviour of RSS people yesterday can be explained by the Outlook magazine story (that trended in India Twitter too) where RSS Assam was accused to trafficking poor tribal girls out of Assam. That was more serious than mine, and I have nothing much to complaint. The house construction is nearing end; at least we know now how the end will look like. And, for money, what will I do with the money I have currently? I can directly invest around INR 20 lacs today. But I don't need to invest even 2 lacs. So, where is the worry?

It is 7:22 AM and I am expecting an eventful still relaxed day today.

As I turned 32 today, I am thinking I should think about getting married and all. To be honest, I have not been able to find a cause/reason that might require my service as a committed bachelor. That is the only reason I am thinking of getting hooked. Moina's marriage is high priority item as of now. If everything goes fine, she should get married by next year. I have already initiated the process, talked to her twice about marriage and also talked to the boy twice (via Himalaya thing). I am not much impressed; still, it is very difficult to judge someone over a 2-minute chat via telephone. Hence, I am quite optimistic and looking forward.

I will make the coming year the most fruitful year- I promise to myself today. Things will be positive, it has to be positive. If not, I will make it positive.

On this positive note, let me end this post. It is 9-31 PM now; time to sleep.

Turning 31: Happy Birthday

I turned 31 today. I am typing this blog with the laptop whose three keys are not working.

One of the most hopeless birthdays of my life! Today was the last day of World Bank’s YPP application; I did. I also helped by issuing an experience certificate to DoliRani who suddenly called me yesterday after several years. I, along with Ranjan & co finished the store house realignment work. Dada came home with the new car- i20 Active. I also called up Dipanka da for any help in my UNDP application yesterday-not a great respond though. The iBall modem issue seems to coming to an end. I bought chicken and cake for the family people.

There is no positive event in my foresight that could enlighten me up. I am feeling very down. Almost a year without any job after an Oxford degree! I could have planned better probably.

How am I acting as 31 years old? Have I contributed enough to the society, to my family and friends? I see the life of a few great people and I feel ashamed of myself.  This has been a typical life so far, except the Oxford thing.  O Lord! Give me more strength!

Was my decision correct to switch from technology, I mean IT? I didn’t have slightest doubt up until a few months back. But now, I do question myself.

The laptop and the modem are just two examples how the worst is happening with me now. I have been forced to believe astrology because only that can try to explain the unusual happenings in my surrounding.

Maa is very optimistic that things will turn after my birthday date. I smiled.

Dear God, I expect you should help me now.  Otherwise, I will start living a life only for my own.