The End is also a Beginning - Zing

On the last day of 2015, I was thinking how to express my thought. Paulo Coelho wrote these beautiful lines titling CLOSING 2015:

The 2016 diary presented by PSC members

"One always has to know when a stage comes to an end. If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through.
Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters – whatever name we give it, what matters is to leave in the past the moments of life that have finished.

You can tell yourself you won’t take another step until you find out why certain things that were so important and so solid in your life have turned into dust, just like that. But such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved: your parents, your husband or wife, your friends, your children, your sister. Everyone is finishing chapters, turning over new leaves, getting on with life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at a standstill.
Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away. That is why it is so important (however painful it may be!) to destroy souvenirs, move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or donate the books you have at home.
Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts – and getting rid of certain memories also means making some room for other memories to take their place.

Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again.
Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished: Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person – nothing is irreplaceable, a habit is not a need. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because some things no longer fits your life.
Shut the door, change the record, clean the house, shake off the dust. Stop being who you were, and change into who you are"

Welcome 2016 !!

Last Day of the unusual volunteering chapter - 27th December 2015

So, finally it is ending. Tomorrow I will set out for the new chapter of my life. I am trying to understand how I, after ten years, would look at these events.

The more you come closure to an ending, the more you realize what more you could have done, how more effectively you could have planned your stay period and so on.  Quick suggestions for future:
1) Fix your targeted list of items- say x number of overnight travels, y number of social projects, z number of meeting new persons etc. Without target, it is difficult to keep the momentum.
2) Continuous writing has to be an integral part. For any next vacation, 'writing a book' would be the first agenda.
3) It is advisable to fix an appointment after the stay period. If you have to go through the job searching period, low time is sure to hunt you.
4) Evaluate each day and every hour; otherwise, you won't be able to justify your break period.

Jitu da, Mridul and Trishna helping packing

Anyway, last 15 months have been quite eventful for me. I am trying to list down the unusual events that I could not have attended without staying here. Also, I am writing my experiences about the last chapter for BSG Blog.  I should have started writing earlier (bloody excuse !) as I have not been able to manage time at all in the last couple of days. The Agia people are behaving as if I leaving Agia by getting married/forever. Just for fact, I have not taken food at home for last 4 days.

In between, lot of things are making me restless. The rent-house searching chapter in Delhi, the INR 9000/- that I just lost owing to my utter stupidity, 5th time cancellation of Maa's qwerty smart phone, no hotel booking for new year day, preparing the transition from volunteerism to work, the unfinished blogs, the BJP's Assam Nirman initiative, the GATI parcel, Livelihood project impact assessment video, Congress' efforts with Prashant Kishore, the expectation of people and the constant question in the back of my mind-- is this NISG job justifies my 15 month logjam and search for an appropriate job?

Two other things : I need to assess the property (bank balance/investment) I possess currently. This is very urgent. Also, I need to make a health profile of my health information and continuously update this to see a trend. I am thinking of making separate lebels in this very blog to track these things. Will it be a good idea?

The only argument that is giving me energy is - Getting something 'appropriate' is a myth, I have to make roadways to reach the 'appropriate', and for starting of the roadway Delhi job is the best place. I am happy with this perspective.

Help me God, to break the barrier of middle-class-usual barrier and enable me to be the best that I can become. There is no limit till when I can stretch and I can promise you that.

End of negotiation

Ideally, it should have been a big moment- I have just now accepted the NISG offer, eventually breaking the 15 month logjam, something I am trying to define as "Fulltime Volunteering@Home". The only thing that stands out of this deal is the negotiation I did with NISG. But do you want to know the exact reason for my negotiation?

It is because of a chap called Deepak Malhotra, professor in Harvard Business School, who taught us 'Negotiation'. After watching his 'negotiation for salary' Youtube video, I was too keen on applying the formulas. And, I choose the NISG offer even though I am unemployed currently, have no backup offer, desperately need a job and NISG already gave a rise of more than 30% on my last CTC.

With Junma and BD on the day of the first offer letter

NISG sent the first offer letter which I saw on the day of the NITI YP interview, which I gave a miss. I sent a reply, requesting for a rise up to 15-16 Lac from their 13, supported by six arguments. In the noon time, I received a call from Palak, their head HR. For 14 minutes, she tried all techniques- pleading, threatening, insulting, requesting, blackmailing. I was only remembering the Youtube video and weighing my words before uttering. She told, though rare, but she could not have been able to read my mind (Deepak Malhotra zindabaad). I told her- 'you move by an inch, I will move by a feet. For 14 lacs, I will instantly accept; anything less than that figure, I will take 24-hours to decide. I really want to join' etc. She promised to try for 13.5 max; I told please go ahead.

Soon after that, Pranjal Da called. He was asking me to accept on 13, otherwise, NISG will close the position. It seems NeGD HR got in touch with him. I didn't like the way he was getting involved. This was unexpected and I didn't know how to deal with Pranjal Da (now I think I could have used Pranjal Da in more effective ways).

Next morning, Pranjal Da again called me while I was traveling from Jorhat to home by bus. His voice was bit irritating/angry type. I showed my displeasure asking why he was getting so much involved. I don't think Pranjal Da gets that much salary; so, it was damn difficult for him too. In fact, that's why I was not able to become free with him. He told NeGD has agreed on 13.5 and if I don't agree, they will close the deal by 15th December.

I was really angry and frustrated with NISG for sharing the details with Pranjal Da. Soon after his call, Avani-HR called and I told her my displeasure for violating HR conduct (while eating lunch at Nagaon ASTC hotel). The Deepak Malhotra effect was slowly going and I didn't want to negotiate anymore. I agreed with 13.5.

Then Friday-Saturday-Sunday-Monday passed, and today they gave the final offer. I sent them the acceptance email too.

Though I am OK with my performance in the negotiation, I could have pulled more. But three things came into my ways-- Pranjal Da's involvement, no backup option for me, the dependency of NISG HR on NeGD HR for each decision.

I am not feeling anything which I thought I would while accepting a job offer. This is not exciting after a gap of 15 months. But I am not surprised. I have realized 'sudden happiness' is not for me. Things have to so 'usual' that I should destroy all the bits of the 'sudden' element.

Why am I not attending the NITI Aayog 2nd and Final round interview?

You can very well imagine the restlessness I am living with. Just now (12:00 PM, 8th December 2015) I have decided that I am not going Delhi. Here are the reasons for this decision in priority order:

1) If I don't make through the second round, or even if I get through but don't accept the Young Professional (which anyway, I am not going to accept) position, this will be a big negative point in case NITI Aayog decides to call me for OSD interview. The current scenario 'cleared first round, requested for postpone, and could not make to Delhi' is a better scenario, I believe.

Trying to take decision

2) After witnessing the first round and with no study since I got the invitation for the second round, my self confidence for facing the panel is at bottom. Had I got some time for study and absolutely sure about attending, the situation would have been different.

3) Money related stuff- no TA/DA for attending the interview; GHY- DEL tickets are already crossing Rs 7000/-. The salary is not great comparatively.

4) The 'almost certain' case of the NISG interview- I should be getting the offer within this week. Even if they decide to pay me 12 Lac, that would be better than NITI. Also work wise, Youth affairs role is far better and non-bureaucratic than NITI Aayog one.

5) The mental preparation/trauma associated with a Delhi trip, plus the expectation that built up automatically- I want to avoid all those. Also, maybe I want to fasten the decision making process of accepting the NISG position.

6) Just a few minutes back I called up Mr. Sriram Murty (signatory of my interview invitation letter)
. He told total 150 candidates are called and interview will be on 10th and 11th. There is no possibility of postponing as there is panel and obviously, panel members can't meet everyday.

Well, there are a few points that are questioning my decision:
a) If there is any way to connect the YP final shortlisted candidates with the OSD role, I will lose a golden opportunity, considering I get shortlisted after the second round.

b) There is lot of media observation on this recruitment; maybe the shortlisted candidates are treated as star. Also, as I am turning 32, this is my last chance to be YP.

c) Anything bad can happen to me; if NISG changes its mind, I will be screwed up from both sides.

d) I can very well afford the money for flight and lodging.  Giving excuse for money is just a bullshit reason- you bloody middle class !

Huh!, ok no more argument. I am driving to Jorhat tomorrow to compensate this.

Interview with NeGD CEO cum President - 30th November 2015

The interview with the CEO cum President of NeGD, Mr Anoop Kumar Agarwal was rather unexpected as he only interviews the principal consultant level hires. Though the HR informed that a Skype call would be just fine, I accommodated this conversation in my NITI Aayog YP interview visit. After lot of uncertainty, I got the final timing while I was traveling from Guwahati on 26th November 2015.

Spending time with Moina at Rock garden in Chandigarh

To be frank, I decided not to prepare anything as I lost hope in the whole affair. But my poor performance (about DiD) in the NITI Aayog YP interview forced me to go through the notes I prepared before attending the last NISG interview in October. I did this in Chandigarh, while spending time with my sister.

The interview timing was 2-30 PM. I started from Kailash's house at 12-45 PM and that turned out to be poor timing calculation. I needed to run to the Electronics Niketan from the JLN Stadium metro station to arrive at 2-25 PM. By the time, I was searching for a rest room for wearing my neck-tie and remove the sweat from forehead, I already got call from HR- where are you? Within a minute I was taken to the room in front of the CEO by a gentleman (not HR) who turned out to be an alumni of NIT Durgapur.

I utilized the waiting time in front of CEO's room to initiate a conversation with the fellow alumni (I later got his name from two sources, each saying different names). I also brought Pu Lalthlamuana into the conversation after knowing he is an ECE graduate of 1990. Luckily that worked. I can't emphasis how much beneficial was this little conversation. This is a learning for the future as well.

On entering the CEO's room, the alumni enthusiastically introduced me as a fellow alumni of NIT Durgapur. This lightened the mood of the room. The CEO asked when did I pass out etc.

First he saw my resume and then the job profile before stating that the role is newly created one and NeGD is thinking of going around 400 educational institutions of India to spread awareness of Digital India. Though initially the CEO wanted to know how much I had been briefed about the role, later he asked how I want to go ahead with the vision he just stated. This was completely 'bang on' my thoughts on three kinds of approaches for engaging youth with Digital India initiative.

Then he wanted to know what kind of work I am doing and whether I am ready now to come to nine-to-five job life. I explained the kind of projects I was doing voluntarily, why Youth and Technology are my passionate areas etc. He also noticed that I had a paper with Pranjal Kalita of NeGD, which I corrected saying this 'Pranjal' is a different one.

Then the president asked me about the volunteering portal of NeGD. I explained him the United Nations Online Volunteering model. He was listening to me carefully. This eventually brought us to the end of the conversation. He looked at my fellow alumni and said we can leave.

The enthusiastic alumni asked me outside whether I can join soon since I am not engaged anywhere. I said around 15 days from the date we fixed the offer. I said goodbye and left the place.

I was called by NISG HR then to discuss about the CTC structure (that was sudden for them without preparation). After making me wait for around 1.5 hours at NISG office, Pallavi (and also Beena) informed me that today they are not prepared to have the discussion. I made Pallavi listen to my arguments for my expectation of around 15 lacs per annum. She said she would try to maximize , but can't promise anything.

Now, it is almost confirmed that NISG would make me an offer. While coming back to Gurgaon by metro, I was asking myself- is this what I wanted after one year of full-time volunteering and after a post graduate degree from BSG? The answer was- NO. The next question was- do I have any option? The answer was negative again.

So, here goes a compromised deal- take up whatever you get and then keep trying to excel in the role by multiple ways. In the evening, I emailed Rasika not to send my resume for Public Policy manager (Google Inc) role as I have convinced myself about the compromised deal. I remember a year ago, I told myself I won't go to NISG again under any circumstances. And see, how life has brought a U-turn! Hence, great people say , 'never say never'.

But somehow I think 'story abhi baki hain'. I might not end up joining NISG- my sixth sense is still saying me. I don't know why ,  and how !