Happy Birthday Manjit Nath

I am turning 32 today. Happy birthday Manjit Nath !

I was afraid this would be a post with super negativity because of my circumstances in last one week. But before writing this, I just glanced at my last birthday post. Huh.... the situation was worst. No job for a year, repeated failed attempts, no money for house construction work, a laptop with number of keys not working! Well, I am much better off now. Thank you almighty (I am not finding anyone to thank to be frank)

Celebrating b-day with cream cake at Urpad without
Arup's knowledge

I am at home in Agia now. I thought of spending the 32nd birthday amidst family people and hence coincided the home visit accordingly. But unfortunately, home has become a place with tremendous negative energy, mainly for two reasons - the non-ending house construction works and the broken things (mixer grinder, oven, tube light, UPS, kitchen and so on). I remember the article depicting the difference between loving 'things' vs loving 'experiences'. I want to add- the amount of short-term pleasure 'things' can give is much lesser than the amount of long-term unhappiness broken/missing things can give.The house construction decisions are very painful. At every decision, I/(we) was made to realise the 'middle class economy family'. That is the most painful part in my psychology.


To add to all this, yesterday's meeting with RSS Northeast head Ullash ji was a disaster. I and Mausam were made to wait 2 hours for a five minute briefing. His attitude towards Assam government was not enthusiastic. I was angry with Mr. Surendra and Mr. Pradip Hazarika who informed me that they had already briefed Ullash ji, but in fact, they didn't. When I was coming by a traveller which was stopping for every passenger on the road, I was fuming, felt humiliated. At night I dreamt a very bad dream of failure. Today morning I woke up with a completely negative heart. How many days do I need to plead for giving me an opportunity to help my motherland? Whom am I going to help actually - the stupid tracker driver, the non-sense traveller handyman, the corrupted Assam government officials, the laziest Assamese creatures?What am I getting out of this?  Humiliation, anger, frustration, failure? Are these prices I have to pay for !@#$%??

Chanda starting a new phase, Moina and Dhunu are there too

Ok, now let me now come to the positive points. I have to convert this day to be an optimistic one. The behaviour of RSS people yesterday can be explained by the Outlook magazine story (that trended in India Twitter too) where RSS Assam was accused to trafficking poor tribal girls out of Assam. That was more serious than mine, and I have nothing much to complaint. The house construction is nearing end; at least we know now how the end will look like. And, for money, what will I do with the money I have currently? I can directly invest around INR 20 lacs today. But I don't need to invest even 2 lacs. So, where is the worry?

It is 7:22 AM and I am expecting an eventful still relaxed day today.

As I turned 32 today, I am thinking I should think about getting married and all. To be honest, I have not been able to find a cause/reason that might require my service as a committed bachelor. That is the only reason I am thinking of getting hooked. Moina's marriage is high priority item as of now. If everything goes fine, she should get married by next year. I have already initiated the process, talked to her twice about marriage and also talked to the boy twice (via Himalaya thing). I am not much impressed; still, it is very difficult to judge someone over a 2-minute chat via telephone. Hence, I am quite optimistic and looking forward.

I will make the coming year the most fruitful year- I promise to myself today. Things will be positive, it has to be positive. If not, I will make it positive.

On this positive note, let me end this post. It is 9-31 PM now; time to sleep.

Fever - how it destroys the self confidence

This week was terrible from health perspective. I started feeling low from Monday noon, and by Tuesday afternoon, temperature went high. Wednesday and Thursday were terrible. Recovery started from Friday and currently I am stable with bit of weakness and cough.

Obsessed with photo even on ill bed !

Cold and fever have been my acquaintances. It does not worry me much as I know I would be recovered soon. However, during the extreme temperature period, oh my God! You feel like the whole world would crash. I just can't explain the feeling- you don't want to eat, don't feel like doing any damn thing, want no person in vicinity but can't leave alone also, electric fan/AC is dangerous but the summer will compel you, hot water for eating and bathing though cold water is so much desirable. The mutually exclusive type scenarios make your choices so hard and that further frustrates the ill person.

You also realise the importance of having a family. Luckily, Trishna was there to help for some time. The career ambitions seem so non-priority on those moments. Even the self confidence goes down to bottom. The ultimate objective becomes only survival.

I hope my annual fever is over until 2017. There is not much lesson this time, went almost peacefully.

There is absolutely nothing going on in life except office works. After the failed attempt with the Assam government, I have not gathered the courage to fail again. God, help me come out of this ! I feel like I have been trapped. Help me God ! Am I diminishing my aspirations?