I am sitting in the library room at Agia. This is a place full of positive energy. In last ten years, I have drawn positive energy from this library at different phases of my life. It's 6-14 AM now and I am sitting here to gain some positivity. To be honest, there is not much optimism in life at present.
34th birthday is reminding me that I am getting old. I have become aimless. Loneliness in personal life has started creeping in. I feel zero enthusiasm to go back to Delhi tomorrow. There is no one waiting for me there, except a creepy (should I use this word?) job. Situations have become such that I keep expecting meeting a person or reading one book will change my outlook, as shown in movies.
The forced closure of Trishna chapter (with the hanging sword now) has brought much despair in my life since April this year. I am yet to recover and find a solution. I didn't expect Maa to react in such a weird way and oppose that vehemently. My hands are tied with a stupid word called 'emotion'. I see no way how and when this problem would be solved.
At job, there is nothing to dislike, but I am not finding any good factor either. I feel very less energetic to go to office. I ask myself- do I like to come back and work in Assam? I don't find positive a answer. Should I go outside India and try finding a job? Again, I don't find a positive reply. It seems I am stuck at nowhere. What's my career goal? I am completely clueless at this point of time.
The above two factors are my prominent concerns in this birthday. All good-bad days do come to an end and I am hopeful God will surely show a way. Astrology says my happy days are coming starting from 2019. Although, I see no sign ahead, there is reason for me to remain positive.
Apart from all the 'bad' I wrote above, let me write a few good sentences as well. Moina is finally talking about marriage and there might be some start in this year. Dada's promotion exam is in August and God willing there might be changes in his designation. Maa's one year extension thing might come and she would be busy for a year. The road renovation at Agia bazaar is very attractive. Badungduppa without Sukra Da is standing still. The final draft of NRC came out and the names of all my family members are included. There is apprx 4 million omitted names from this draft.
Let me end the post by writing what things excite me sometimes these days- writing a book (not able to decide a topic unfortunately, but increasingly thinking this has to be a fiction), making a movie, again (the experience of OLQ was great; but think Prathamesh is having a troubled life as well to partner with me at this time), coming back to Assam to play an active political role, invest in share market, getting married to a super enthusiastic working woman, going for 1-year training/fellowship programme, spending days at Agia doing nothing, but knowing there is something at the end of 4 months(say).
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