Longest stay at Home

 I was trying to understand/remember the different labels of my blog. What should be an event? I think the subject of today's post definitely qualify for an event. 

From the time I left home for studying in Cotton College in the year 2000, staying at home was never a 'permanent' phenomenon. From the perspective of the society and from the self imagination about future, staying at home was never on card. This thought process witnessed a change when I stayed at home for around 15 months post Oxford. I must say that was not a deliberated decision, rather a situation being forced upon my life. I branded that period 'Fulltime volunteering@home'. I learnt, initiated, failed, achieved and missed achieving several things during that period. 

Becoming lifetime member of AXX

After that stint, I believe, staying permanently at home (at least in Assam) has been in the thought process after a specific period (still don't know what's that specific period though) of life. Maybe when I will become 50 years old! I don't know.

Things took a turn with the emergence of work from home(WFH) phenomenon during Covid. Joining EdCast and planning of baby together made me taking a deliberated and well thought decision of returning home. In the mid of October2023, I surpassed the duration of post-Oxford stay and this stint marked my longest stay at home. Personally, this is a huge event for me. 

Now, I am 95% sure that I would be spending the last parts (maybe post 50 years) of my life shuttling between Guwahati and Agia. Situation is such that if CSoD asks me to relocate out of Assam now, I will make 3-4 attempts before comply with that decision. Since there is still 10 years for me to touch 50, I might still be willing to relocate out of Assam if given a great opportunity. 

Let me write some good and 'what more' points of the homestay:

1. If WFH option is there, relocating to tier 2/3 cities is a suggestion financial advisors would give anyway. Financially, this has been a great decision for me.

2. The child birth and initial 1/2 years of the baby needs a support system. This is another wonderful decision for me and Nina w.r.t. Rodalee.

3. Being at home has given me opportunity to prepare for future 'permanent stay' period. For example, the PhD, development of land/real-estate, investment in local opportunities(Rubber) and other avenues, reviving the social circle, construction of rented parts at home etc.

What more:

1. The writing of A2O is completely stopped after the start of PhD.

2. Have been trying to purchase a piece of land for commercial purpose, but it is not happening somehow.

3. The decisions/preparations attached with 'preparation for future' is not completed yet.

For future:

1. I have to decide an amount which I would need every month to sustain myself(with family, aspirations, comfort etc) in Assam. Considering my current CTC, it is no brainer that settling in Assam would invite pay cut. I believe with my skill and ability I can keep on accumulating wealth provided I am flexible with location. Hence, this decision of staying back in Assam compromising pay cheque is not easy. But there is no running away from this now or at most before I turn 50.

2. Do I see academic institutions as my potential employer in future? Is this new found interest looking at some of the IIT professors? Remember how I hated academia at one point of my life! How should I compare between instt such as IIT where I need to start from Asst professor level v/s private universities such as USTM? What about consultancy- how should I compare between a job with Big 4(say) v/s Government deptt contractual roles? Job- until when? why?

3. Nina's career is another big decision point. Her engagement increases while in Assam. But is there need of permanency in her engagement? Her efforts are not yielding expected output. From her side staying in Guwahati with weekends being in Agia makes the most sense.

4. Education of Rodalee, the planning of second child, health situations of Maa, parent-in-laws are also factors impacting hugely in future. These are biggest events of human life and I have to be mindful.

5. Sometimes I think, a few drastic events will play huge role in my decision to stay even if I can't calculate an amount as mentioned in point#1. If I can publish A2O, a new direction (of work, career, personality) will emerge. Otherwise, the status-quo will continue with dependency on CSoD. If IITG starts a school of Public Policy, maybe another direction will emerge. If I meet the chancellor of USTM or HBS or Gaurav Gogoi (if Congress comes back), maybe another direction will emerge. On a different note, if I can make the Dudhnoi land ready for commercial purpose, another direction might come. I don't know to be honest, just my thought as on today.

6. Along with all the thoughts above, there is the constant fear or question that bothers me. Have I compromised with my career? I could have become Arvind Pangaria or Karl Mehta or Nikhil Kamath (do I want to become like Nishchae, Alvaro- No, Aaron- maybe), but I did not even tried. The mismatch between my education, passion and skill is a big big concern. The vacuum of intellectual circle in Agia, Guwahati - has it contributed to downgrading my own ambition? Am I the typical 'kharkhua' who can't sustain outside Assam? Am I becoming the typical family man? Is my life graph, which was going exponentially upwards, has reached a steady state? Is there wrong with my overall thought process? But, I am happy at home now. Am I likely to be happier if I can become like Satya Nadella or Amartya Sen? I doubt, but maybe yes, I have never been in their circles. Will I leave more legacy if I become like them? Definitely yes. 

Just writing life (before this FY ends)

Before I start this post, I glanced at the labels available in this blog. Nothing matches with what I am going to write. In fact, I am not sure what I am going to write. After spending two days of weekend at the rented house alone without much work, I am up with this post. For the time being, I am putting this under 'event' label.

Since I have not been able to write regularly, I feel the necessity of penning down my changing thought process at times in some format. Let me write a few below:

One yogi in front of Adiyogi

A. Finding a purpose for travel: As you might know, I am not a travel enthusiast. When the requirement of making monitoring visits came at office, and I have to select a place out of the list of 50, I took a pause. I must associate a purpose to this, otherwise, I will not be able to connect the dots. I made the excel sheet "Zing Travel Express" mentioning all the Indian states (today I made for other countries as well) I visited with dates and purpose. It threw up names of states I never visited. In the last 2-3 months I ticked the states such as Madhya Pradesh, Bihar etc. I am also utilizing one day of the weekend for official travel purpose without asking for any compensatory off. I have realized amazing thoughts keep coming to my mind when I am traveling. I talk to my inner self a lot. From knowledge point of view as well, I am learning hell lot of new things. The last RPL BICE visits (one during Holi) made me aware how logistic companies and mines work. Superb learning! Thus, I have found a purpose behind travel and a counter (Zing Travel Express) to keep track.

Writing while traveling via train

B. Setting up the other goal of life: As promised in the year-review post, I have started writing the book. You would be surprised I have completed three chapters as well. Again, travel has to be credited as I wrote the first chapter while traveling in Satabdi Express. In trains, my brain opens up like anything. While traveling from Bhopal to Delhi, I didn't request for air travel to concentrate on writing; output was the second chapter. This mission works as a medicine whenever I feel disillusioned with the NSDC job. I am forced to read many books and establish contacts as well for this endeavor. I feel good that I am investing my time into something productive, irrespective of the final output.

C. Office: Appraisal activities have started at office, RPL certification has crossed 1 million last week. Chasing the RPL numbers has become a nice purpose at office work. The non-learning from manager has continued. I feel, the more I am getting experienced in job, the more my manager is feeling inferior. With brilliant ideas clicking in my mind, I need to think ways how not to override him. I have realized my potential and now sincerely believe a super smart manager is what I should aspire to work under. The team is good so far apart from pains such as Mrs P(I can't understand how a CA can be so dumb), Miss T (how people can interpret everything in the wrong way and effectively utilize attack is the best way for defense) and Miss N (thank God she moves out). To be honest, I feel possessive about my reportees and want to do the best to them. But, as they say "being good is the least you can do". I don't think highly about the CEO now, looking at the mess and favoritism at the leadership level. I am slowly losing interest in NSDC, except the RPL thing (even I discussed about writing a paper on RPL with Monu). Just waiting for the post election changes.

D. National Election: I am going home for Rongali Bihu and will return only after voting. I was expecting a lot of change with HBS coming into Delhi and taking up a powerful ministry in case Modi returns. But there was big drama about his ticket and finally he was denied. I (and many others) was stunned. I couldn't help myself writing an email to him. Kamakhya Da was also denied. Now, I don't have any hope that election result would impact anything personally. Long back astrologer told my good times will start from May-June this year; I don't know how. If good time mean a job in NSDC with nice work and relatively calm atmosphere, I pity the astrologer.

E. Family: Moina joining PWC in Guwahati  is definitely a good news of recent days. Although she lost her bag just on the second day and her quarrel with Tapan has been continuing on marriage front,

I am still positive - that's the charm of native place maybe. In case of Dada, I have no visibility whether sending back Bou and family to Agia has helped him save any money or not. Working under an Army officer and looking at his level of thought, I often get paranoid about Dada. He was just a sailor which these officers don't even consider worth talking. Now, look at their thought level (relating Mohit's Malaysian trip expense with salary increase request) and my expectation from Dada. I want to cry for Dada- he missed the bus. He has gone so far now that making him realize where he is standing, is itself a challenge. The other day in Xomidhan meeting, when Bidyut Da was mentioning why aiming to be a clerk is wrong, I kept silent. I have one brother who is a clerk and one sister-in-law who is not able to clear exam even for clerk. I am not ashamed of them; I feel bad for the missed opportunity. With the level of knowledge and enthusiasm Dada deserves much better position. Being a rank holder in Mathematics Hons in GU, Bou could have nailed an amazing career. They are both victim of middle class thought process (maybe) and that's my pain. Maa is fine; she tries to do emotional blackmailing with the marriage thing sometimes. I should have a serious conversation with her soon, maybe that would be my second attempt after the disastrous attempt in April 2018. She still thinks marriage in her own terms, but for me, the definition is completely different. I don't know whether I would be able to convince her or not. The bigger question is - am I convinced about anything on this? Answer is NO. In my prayers to God these days, I often said, "Dear God, I will take care of office, career, election, book, but I am clueless on the marriage thing. You please concentrate on my marriage". God still hasn't listened.

F. Gaining maturity: I feel good after seeing a few people victim of turbulent thoughts which I underwent years ago. Some thoughts are related to middle class, some are with relationship, some to do with liberalism and some are with conservatives; a few with finances, a few with goals & objectives. There was a time I used to cry/wonder how I would live with so disturbing and unanswered thoughts. Time is a great healer. But when I think about BD and Junma going through these thoughts and coming to maturity one day, somewhere I get scared. I have been tough throughout, it is not that easy to maintain toughness.

G. Health: I have been thinking of writing a blog on the reports of health check up I did at Medanta as part of company package. For last two months reports are lying at my desk, but I have not been able to write anything. The biggest pending thing in health is the 2 RCT in my teeth that is pending. It has already crossed all limits and I must make sure some steps. There is no good dental clinic in Mahipalpur. Rest everything is fine. Even blood pressure is at the normal level.
The winter was quite long this time and the summer is just knocking on the door.

That's all for today! Take care.

Bangkok Trip happened in between

Although I have an interesting update which directly relates to my last frustrating post on job dilemma, I want to write a few lines on the Bangkok trip, keeping a space for a new post later on the job update.

Well, the beginning was very sudden. On 18th May'17, Rafi (Kakar, Pakistan) sent a voice message on whatsapp asking whether I would be free and open for a Bangkok trip between 29th May- 2 June. It seemed Commonwealth Secretariat and nine UN agencies together would organize a policy workshop (evidence based policy making for the youth in Asia Pacific region) and my credential matches for an ideal participant. Well, before the expiry of my current passport by 30th July 2017, I thought this could pave the way for a third stamp on my passport.

With Indian participants

I submitted required profile information, Rafi pushed from his side and I got the final invitation letter on 23rd May'17. The tickets took 2 more days. Meanwhile, I got confirmation from Thai embassy that minimum 30 days of passport validity is enough to obtain Visa on arrival in Thailand. So, all set and I boarded the Jet Airways flight on 28th May second half.

The first observation- there was a long queue for visa on arrival and I was ready with 1000 Thai Bhat. However, the authority has created one more queue for applicants who are willing to pay extra 200 bucks without receipt. I find that open case of corruption. Priority counter is fine' but why without receipt? However, I opted for the corrupt medium.

The taxi system at airport was also unique. You need to take a receipt from a vending machine where taxi number will be written. The taxis run on meters (sometimes ask for without meter as well).  The drivers were not well equipped with English speaking and that was a problem.

The workshop was designed to consume most parts of the day, but I made a point to devote the evenings in Bangkok exploration. On the first day (29th May), I and the young legislator from Philippines (Jason) went to khao san road. It was kind of party street with lot of food counters and massage parlours.  I went for a massage (of body and neck, not oil) too in a parlour; unfortunately, one strong man came to do my massage. I didn't enjoy at all; in fact, my back got hurt as he was too strong. I was groaning with pain many a times, and Jason was smiling.

Meeting the Assam MP suddenly while shopping

Every day I walked from UN centre to hotel after the workshop got over. The temperature was like that of sweaty Guwahati, and I had to take bath after that 1.2 KM walk.The Larn Luang area was very decent. They have a Tesco type grocery store named 7-11. The meter taxis were much reasonable, compared to the Tuk-Tuks, which looked like our auto-rickshaws.

Second day- I and Rafi went out to explore the Red Light area at Nana. The infamous places are Gali number 4 and Soi Cowboy. These are basically bars where pole dancing happened by bikini/nude girls. You need to buy drink (or juice) to enter. Then if you want the girl to sit beside you or want to do ding-dong , extra charges will apply. Rafi told this place is very reasonable compared to other red light areas and people are also honest; the girls/bar owners don't force anything. We did enjoy pole dances. Not for a single second, I felt 'sexy' or something. Looking at the girls, I remembered the stories written by Homen Borgohain and felt pity for them. Even my father's glimpses came to my mind. I forced Rafi to leave that place quickly. We searched for an Indian restaurant and had good meal. Rafi also explained me his experiences of working with UN. The inflated sense of achievement, tertiary goals by UN instead of targeting the primary problems are the discussions that dominated our conversation.

Everyday, I start the day with heavy breakfast at the hotel. There was no provision of food (even no tea, biscuit) at the workshop venue. We had to buy our own lunches. For this, Commonwealth gave us some money in pounds. Since I carried sufficient Bhats, I made the pounds exchanged in Delhi airport while returning. The topic of discussions at the workshop were as usual type. There were lot of youth participants and I didn't find much to learn new, except getting to know different experiences of people from 11-12 countries. Some of the things I like, for example, finding the indicators for a youth policy drafting, how different countries perceive the role of IGOs etc. Although most of the discussions were in the form of PPTs, there were some of the break-outs as well, and I enjoyed those.

On third day evening, I went out with Lokashis Saha (he is the civil society representative from India, based in New Delhi). Out sole purpose was to do shopping at a place called Indra market. First we went to a mall named Platinum; but surprisingly the shops closed by 8-00 PM and we got hardly 10 minutes to explore. We had no other option but to take the streets for shopping. Lokashis was calculating every item in terms of Indian rupees, and that indeed helped me restrain myself. I tried to buy stuffs for the family members, as well some for the friends and colleagues in New Delhi. Our journey ended in a place where Lokashis's friend owned an Indian restaurant named 'India Gate'. He managed a free lavish dinner for us. We returned to hotel at around 11-00 PM.

At Asiatique

The organizer told the workshop formalities will get over by noon on the last day. On the final day, we basically had to rate the posters prepared by various countries. The Indian poster was not good at all; Sri Lanka was the best and they also got  the most popular poster prize. I liked the way the organizers distribute the certificates. Each of us were given one certificate of another person; you need to find out the person and hand over the certificate. This was really a nice way to end the workshop. I requested around ten people to join me for a Bangkok exploration; but everybody was busy chatting or doing other stuffs. I decide to 'ekla chalo re'. I took a map from the hotel (Royal Princess) and that helped a lot.

I took the ipad to take photos and first went to the Royal place as the gates close by 3-30 PM. Entry fees was 500 Bhat; but after witnessing 50% of the inside places are prohibited for entry, I think the entry fee  was too much. The sun was too bright, still I manged to take multiple photos. From the palace, I walked to Wat Phoo, the temple of reclining Buddha. The entry fee was 100 bhat. It was a gigantic statue of Lord Buddha in reclining position.

From Wat Phoo, I took the ferry to cross the river and reach Wat Aroon.There suddenly, I met Keely from Singapore who gave my certificate today at the end of the workshop. After Wat Aroon, I had two things to do - visit Asiatique and on-board Sky train, the metro of Bangkok. But both were situated far off. However, a study of the map suggested there might be river connectivity. I inquired and yes- there was ferry service to go to Asiatique from Wat Aroon at around 40 bhat. Wow! Advantage of roaming alone!

I and Kelley reached Asiatique, which is like Eat street of Hyderabad or our lunch place near the Wales parliament (during my visit to Wales). We had some food there, since both of us skipped lunch. It was a good place to sit. I learned about the work Kelley is doing in Singapore. From there, we took another boat (free service) to the nearby dock which is attached a sky train station ( Sakhan Taksin). Finally I boarded a sky train too; well, I found Delhi metro is much better.

Memories before throwing away

After getting down at Siam, I went to Central Mall, which is considered one of the biggest mall of the world. It even has Ferrari and BMW showrooms inside the mall. I had almost no time to explore. After covering less than 5% of the mall, I walked to the Platinum mall + Indra market (yesterday's destinations) to complete remaining shopping. First time, I felt myself to be so much shopaholic in Bangkok. I found the place to be cheap as well.

I returned to hotel by 9-30 PM as I had to catch an early morning flight. I could not manage to have dinner, but God planned that for me. Lokashis brought lot of food from a local market and requested me to join for dinner. I had a good chat with him. We also cleared the room rent etc. While I incurred zero extra money, he incurred around 500 bhat extra. I thought I am a very much rule abiding citizen.

Return journey from Suvarnabhumi airport by the same Jet Airways flight. Though it was quick, I think I managed to see a lot. I must thank Rafi for this trip as well.

Jodhpur Experience- Politics may not be my thing after all

I had to visit Jodhpur (Rajasthan) from 2-6 February 2017 for setting up a Digital India stall at the Pashchimi Rajasthan Udyog Hasthilp Utsav 2017. To be honest, there was no necessity of setting up a stall or a visit by NeGD resource; but the request came from the office of MoS, and hence the visit. I had to extend my stay by one more day (initially return date was 5th Feb) since DigiDhan Mela happened to take place in Jodhpur on 6th Feb.

First time (in last many years) I felt politics is not my thing at all. Maybe I am simply wasting my energy and time for a goal, I am not made for. I am seriously thinking about this after Jodhpur trip. Actually what happened- the PA of MoS and some local 'chamchas' came to meet me and complained about not putting photographs of the minister in our stall. Soon, their tone started going in a different direction, I just managed. The reaction of the local IT official was even more pathetic. This continued to the last day as well, where I was given some stupid responsibility even though there was separate MeitY official for DigiDhan Mela. I had to switched off my phone and literally ran away from Jodhpur with the most non-secured feeling. I hate running out of my responsibilities; but you can't make stupid politicians understand logic.

With the DigiSevak volunteers at Jodhpur

The illegal affairs between the executive and legislative have been disturbing me since I joined NeGD. It is a big nexus. Tax-payer's money is being spent to give high salaries to politically appointed personnel, to arrange dinners for the local netas. Maybe once you reach a very high level in politics, there will be different perspectives of looking at these 'illegal' things. But people at the lower part of political chain, people in bureaucracy, people like us are the worst sufferers.

However, the urgency of leader's photos in a stall is a reality. This is how politics works in India. I did put a standee with minister's photos in front of the stall and the response of the public was positive. The PAs and chamchas are like poisonous serpents and keep spreading their venom. The hierarchy in political system (they call loyalty) is another big issue.  The Tamilnadu politics is just one example of loyalty+power gamble. How will I be able to witness those things? I would be under tremendous stress, compromising with something that I don't believe. God, my life would become a hell. 

With the above thinking, I always think of politicians like Jayant Sinha, Manohar Parikar or Arvind Kejriwal. How are they managing? If they could, why can't I? The answers I got- family background, belong to small state with limited people, recipient/beneficiary of the impact of an event or extraordinarily brilliant people. And, what about me? Bloody! I am a lower middle class Indian with a zero political family background, belong to one of the most complex and backward states and districts of India, worst lucky guy to be impacted by any event and honestly, an average brainy human being.  Hence, I am a contractual consultant with government.

This government consultant role is turning out to be the worst of all. There is no respect (oh, you are on contract !), no career progression, absolutely nothing.  What am I doing here? I thought I will develop political links, my foot ! Seriously, should I move to private industry again?

I should stop immediately aligning my thoughts keeping a career in politics in some years down the lane. This is not going to happen. I should focus on building my profile, some wealth maybe. Or, in other words, I have made couple of wrong decisions. 

Don't know man! Nothing is right or wrong. Let's look at the future !

Writing from the Digital India Pavilion at Pragati Maidan

Hello all,
I am writing from the NeGD conference room, temporarily setup in the DI pavilion at Pragati Maidan. It has been completely different experience for me since last 10 days. There are many reasons why a blog post is so much required in my autobiography blog.

In the panel discussion

The India International Trade Fair (IITF) is one of the biggest shows that happens in Asia. I heard about this many times, but this is first time to experience. But interesting fact is that this 36th edition of IITF will be the last in Pragati Maidan since there would be massive renovation from next year.

DigiSevak, the project where I have been working since joining NeGD was launched by Hon'ble Minister Ravi Shankar Prasad on 18th November. This was long due as we have been waiting for a launch for quite some months now.  I hope the project will take a leap now as NeGD will communicate to other ministries and departments.

Minister launching DigiSevak

First time in life, I moderated a Panel Discussion. Panellists consists of partner from KPMG, celebrated IAS officer like Dr. Dinesh Arora, representatives from Ministry of Railways and Ministry of External Affairs,  along with Dy Director from Digital Empowerment Foundation. It was broadcasted live on DI handle of Facebook, accumulating 8,393 views until now. It was a good opportunity given to me by Sunil Sir, amidst slight hesitations by other members of my team. However, the session went well and everyone (including the hesitators) appreciated fully. Well, when I see the video, I can find hundreds of mistakes, but, considering my first attempt, I was feeling happy. The big take ways- I can't do away with my hard kharkhua accent, I need to complete all my words and lastly, bringing separate sentences in between a sentence should be avoided.

In summary, it has been a great experience so far. Sometimes, I do think these type of work has little to do with public policy and whatsoever. But, reality demands these kinds of experience. Overall, I am satisfied with the kind of experience I got in my current role in NeGD in last 11 months. Let's see how the future looks from this point.

Kargil Diary

At Jozila Pass, while going to Kargil

Some places become famous/ notorious for a particular reason. Kargil became famous because of 1999 war. As a non-enthusiastic traveller, I probably never thought of visiting that place, but as an experience seeker, I usually don’t let an opportunity go away.

As part of the Digital India workshop in 120 universities across India, University of Kashmir was one of the venues. However, the 3.5 month long curfew stopped all possibilities of organizing the workshop. I don’t remember how the idea of organizing the workshop in one of the affiliated colleges- Government Degree College, Kargil came up. I pushed this proposal like anything. Then how my name got featured as proposed traveller to Kargil in between the IITF work and Maharashtra workshop is another story.

There were so many learning, plus breaking of stereotypes that I thought a blog is a must. Apart from staying in a house-boat , watching treeless hills, standing in snowfall, there were many others. Let me start with the Kargil.

Kargil:

1.       The concept greater Ladakh – including kargil, Leh, ladakh, Gilgit, Balistan and Tibet. So, three countries are basically oppressing the idea of Greater Ladakh. But indigenous Ladakhis like Dr. Hussain still believes in that concept and inssallah, he would succeed in his wish some day.

At Kargil War memorial at Drass, district-Kargil

2.       Have you wondered why Leh-Ladakh , a Buddhist dominated area falls under a Muslim majority area of J&K? Have you wondered why the Mongolian looking people are named as  Hussain or Fatema? I learnt, this whole population was Biddhist with Mongolian looking people (one Chromosome less, as per Shaila). Then the Muslim Imams started converting these people, they reached Kargil, but could not reach Leh. That’s why you see Mongolian Muslim in Kargil, but Mongolian Buddhist in Leh, although both the areas are same from in most aspects. For the other interesting Aryan story of Ladakha, please read here: http://www.aljazeera.com/indepth/inpictures/2014/06/pictures-last-aryans-201462383426222465.html

3.       After reading ‘Freedom in Midnight’, I always wondered how difficult would have been the work of Cyril Radcliffe in drawing the boundary between India and Pakistan. Dr. Hussain took us to the Pakistan border. There are multiple mountains and both countries have agreed to treat o

ne valley as a boundary after Shimla treaty. There is no fence possible. The difficulty got transferred to the Army/BSF who needs to guard that.

4.       Although the 1999 war is famous as Kargil war, the main infiltration happened in Tiger Hill and Batalik region which is in Drass area, around 54 KM from Kargil. The Kargil war memorial at Drass is an amazing stopover.

5.       Kargilis want to be in India; in fact, they don’t have much approval for the separatist movement initiated by Kashmiris. Shia vs Sunni can be another angle in this circumstance, since majority of Ladakhi Muslims are shia.

6.       The Jozilla Pass- what a place !

Kashmir:

1.       Stone pelting- the new form of protest. When I heard about this in Delhi, I was not able to apprehend the exact situation. But when we were running away from stone-pelters, when we were changing all our plans to avoid getting stoned, I can understand how this new form of protest has revolutionized this region in a worst possible way.

At Srinagar Airport

2.       The anti India sentiment is very strong in Kashmir. Inside that, the independent Kashmir concept is prevalent, mainly in the middle classes. I heard from four people – the solution lies in a tripartite discussion amongst India, Pakistan and Kashmir people (Hurriyat). India’s continuous claim of “Kashmir is an integral part of India” seems to irritate them to the core.

3.       The narrative against Indian Army has been designed and put in the minds of Kashmiri people very very strongly. Many people explained me how the stone pelting by Indian Army has injured young Kashmiri boys, how govt has taken around 6000 young guys in custody, how every broken glasses of road side shops are actually broken by Indian Army etc. It seems Army is at fault for everything, and solely responsible for the gross atrocity done upon the innocent Kashmiris. I always believe one hand can’t sound in a clap. However, I find it is almost impossible to make them even think about the other side of story.

4.       How does it feel to live in curfew from 3.5 months? The hotel I stayed in Srinagar had around 400 rooms, and I was the only occupant. Can you just imagine how has been the business and livelihood of the Kashmiris from the low economic strata?

I think a road trip Srinagar->Kargil->Leh->Manali is worth taking. All the best !

When you meet an unwanted person - 12nd April 2016

So, something amazing happened on 12nd April. In fact, I planned for long to make that happen. I felt good that my last one-month effort eventually yielded the desired result. But there were reasons to be sad as well.

Do you remember the National Project Manager role of UNDP, the talk with the MP Kamakhya Tasa etc? The grudge against UNDP had always been there. Maybe that is a reason why I want to know more about them; maybe to find something bad and comfort myself. After writing the volunteering blog, I emailed to UNV people and also posted on their Facebook page via Kamal’s account. The apparent result was quick when Narendra Mishra commented, but I was expecting a concrete conversation.

Then Digital India youth affairs role came to my rescue. I made the first phone call and scheduled the first meeting in the name of exploring opportunities for collaboration, of course, after convincing my supervisors. The first meeting happened at UNDP office where I deliberately brought the topic of “Strengthening NYKS and NSS” project. And, finally on 12 April, I got the invitation for a meeting with the project team, and guess what, from the National Project Manager herself.

Things that are keeping me busy-
Second phase of house construction

I was excited. I had to pre-pone the meeting so that I myself can attend before going home for bihu. I wanted to see who has been recruited, and probably wanted to compare with myself. After the Twitter fiasco, though sad, I was quite appreciative of Twitter’s choice. But based on the worldwide poor feedback on UNDP recruitment, I was apprehensive.

And, I was right. A totally unimpressive, little older then my age, non-approachable lady welcomed us. In fact, welcome would be wrong word, because, when I found her desk inside the chaotic, dark and gloomy building of NYKS, she looked totally lost.

Let me not write further details how she served us tea, steered the discussion – all crap! I was mostly silent during the whole meeting except asking a few irrelevant questions just to understand the IQ  and EQ level of that lady.

My takeaway- there is no concept called equal opportunity. The world is not a plain level playing field , it is uneven with unequal opportunity. Somebody calls this luck factor as well. Hence, there is no reason to question your ability after a failure; You fail not because of your fault, rather that was the call of time.

On positive side, meeting that lady gives me the confidence that I can do anything. I think I am at such a point of my career/life, where any damn assignment is doable for me.  In fact, if I don’t accept, there is none. It gives me a strong feeling of being responsible. 

The post-election big plan is ON. I believe I must go ahead with that. To fuel me up, suddenly Himalay Sharma episode has also happened. Though I doubt whether BJP will come to power, that shouldn’t matter.

Life is a cycle, isn't it?

This reminds me of the crap people in Microsoft as well. I have not still forgiven them. I am sure there will be opportunities of encounter in future. Will I still be playing the revenge card or will I collaborate with them (if necessity arises) for a nicer outcome? I don’t know—war between head and heart ?

Before ending this post, things that are keeping me busy—the starting of second phase of home construction (I am on home-bound flight writing this post), university workshop and VMS work at office, preparation for facing Delhi summer, IMO with Trishna and wait for the election result. See you soon!

Attendance for February'16

I am writing this post just to give attendance for the month. I thought I would have enough time to write several posts on health, finance blah blah! But I even could not manage to write a single post.

This is crazy time with university workshops, Maa's visit, multiple travels and very poor time management. I apologies for the same.

I have a lot to write and lot to talk with myself. I must manage time in the coming month.

Sorry and bye !

28th January 2016 - one month in Delhi

So, today I completed one month of staying in Delhi and tomorrow I will complete one month at office. Everything is fine until now, there is positive vibe all around. I have no complaint to make as such. In fact, I am thankful for what has been bestowed upon me by time.

The first five days were well spent in searching for rented places. I feel myself lucky that I got the place comparatively faster and without anyone's help. The rent amount is on a bit higher side than I expected; else, I have nothing to whine.

I was calculating my expenses for the first week. It came out to be INR 73,957/- (including airfare). For the month of January(post second week), it has crossed INR 29,000/- already.

Work wise, the first day was so ordinary that I didn't even feel the urge to write 'My first day at Office' blog post. There was not even mention of the words such as training or orientation until today. From the very first day, I was given responsibilities. Well, I love that to be frank. Currently I am handling several projects such as Ownership transfer of of the DI Portal, DI Newsletter, Hackathon,Destination Northeast 2016,  and the University Workshops. The last three are interesting for me. I also got the opportunity to attend Republic Day parade as Digital India had a tableau. The good news is that we won the best tableau among all the ministries.

Handling the official files is a new experience for me. I can understand now why files are inseparable component of Indian governance. I am eager to learn more about government acronyms related to public policy such as rule, notification, law, order, gazetted notice and so on. I hope I would be able to write something in the lines of 'public policy making in India' someday. I also want to take up a few more initiatives side by side such as organizing workshop on Free Basic, collaboration with UNV etc. But I found my superior officers are not risk-takers. I need to design a way to tackle this. I can't be just a mute spectator and order-follower.

On personal level, I met Dhurjyoti da and his wife, went to JNU for International Food festival, attended the Rongali bihu & injured by hand while playing football there, met Ashok da with his Baikunthapur contingent, had a chat with Rintu, Ritu etc. The two visits by Moina was really helpful in setting up the rented place. I already hosted Wasil and looking forward to hosting many more during my stay in Delhi.

I am also trying to start/analyse a few life endeavors/chapters along with the starting of this Delhi chapter. The blog on full-time volunteering was such a step. I assessed my current wealth. I have also decided to track my health and finances regularly as I move ahead. I discussed with Moina about her boyfriend (how awkward I were!) and the life ahead for her. She needs to get married. Finishing the house construction is a top priority now. Maybe I will also get someone to get married some day. lol!

The daily routine matches with that of Aizawl, except the study part. I get up at 6-30 AM, start towards office at 8-30 AM, took lunch at cafeteria at 12-40 PM, leave office at 5-30 PM, go to bed at around 11-00 PM. The timings are subjected to mood as well.

I am getting accustomed to the new characters such as Surjeet Singh Sardarji- my landlord, Chingri- my neighbour, the sardarji who hardly smiles at me while I pass through his shop, the street children playing in the side of Electronics Niketan, the foreigner girl I always meet near the Jangpura Metro station, Ashok Da, Kailash, the office characters such as Pranjal da, Amit Jain- my cubical mate, the lady at the cafeteria who never smiles, Sunil Sir and his similarities with Debjit, the awkward humbleness of Premjit Lal Sir, the office boys with loud talks, Ajeet, Payel, Ishan, Suraj and Sailendra ji,....wow, suddenly the whole world has changed with different personalities from all around. I love all of them, at least, as on today.

Bless me God ! I am here for a mission. I want to be helpful for a needy, and for the society at large.

Last Day of the unusual volunteering chapter - 27th December 2015

So, finally it is ending. Tomorrow I will set out for the new chapter of my life. I am trying to understand how I, after ten years, would look at these events.

The more you come closure to an ending, the more you realize what more you could have done, how more effectively you could have planned your stay period and so on.  Quick suggestions for future:
1) Fix your targeted list of items- say x number of overnight travels, y number of social projects, z number of meeting new persons etc. Without target, it is difficult to keep the momentum.
2) Continuous writing has to be an integral part. For any next vacation, 'writing a book' would be the first agenda.
3) It is advisable to fix an appointment after the stay period. If you have to go through the job searching period, low time is sure to hunt you.
4) Evaluate each day and every hour; otherwise, you won't be able to justify your break period.

Jitu da, Mridul and Trishna helping packing

Anyway, last 15 months have been quite eventful for me. I am trying to list down the unusual events that I could not have attended without staying here. Also, I am writing my experiences about the last chapter for BSG Blog.  I should have started writing earlier (bloody excuse !) as I have not been able to manage time at all in the last couple of days. The Agia people are behaving as if I leaving Agia by getting married/forever. Just for fact, I have not taken food at home for last 4 days.

In between, lot of things are making me restless. The rent-house searching chapter in Delhi, the INR 9000/- that I just lost owing to my utter stupidity, 5th time cancellation of Maa's qwerty smart phone, no hotel booking for new year day, preparing the transition from volunteerism to work, the unfinished blogs, the BJP's Assam Nirman initiative, the GATI parcel, Livelihood project impact assessment video, Congress' efforts with Prashant Kishore, the expectation of people and the constant question in the back of my mind-- is this NISG job justifies my 15 month logjam and search for an appropriate job?

Two other things : I need to assess the property (bank balance/investment) I possess currently. This is very urgent. Also, I need to make a health profile of my health information and continuously update this to see a trend. I am thinking of making separate lebels in this very blog to track these things. Will it be a good idea?

The only argument that is giving me energy is - Getting something 'appropriate' is a myth, I have to make roadways to reach the 'appropriate', and for starting of the roadway Delhi job is the best place. I am happy with this perspective.

Help me God, to break the barrier of middle-class-usual barrier and enable me to be the best that I can become. There is no limit till when I can stretch and I can promise you that.

7th October 2015 - After spending 30 hours with the World Bank team

The sudden call from Vikram on 5th October morning was rather surprise. But, without asking many questions, I decided to join him on 6th morning at Guwahati. My underlying ambition to work for the bank was definitely the principal reason. Then marathon meetings until 9-00PM and then visit to the Kamrup metro district office on 7th morning- I spent around 30 hours with them, except the sleeping time with Rupak, where I mostly dreamt the WB guys only.

At the Kamrup Metro e-District centre

Although the concrete output was zero, I analyzed and understood many facts. I know more possess the extreme desire to work for the bank now. Here are some thoughts I penned down on 7th October evening , sitting at IITG:

1. World Bank is just like another bank with US playing the role of father with maximum contribution and also attaching some rules with the US congress which even Obama can’t change. The annual profits are shared among the stakeholders.
2.  As a bank they have to search customers and their customers are all public sector entities.
3. Why should country take loan from World Bank- low interest rate, long repayment period, having World Bank portfolio is deemed as the country has transparency etc so credit agencies give more rating, possibility for getting grant, which is a small portion of the bank.
4. How Country decides whether and how much to take loan- for India, it is decided by DEA. Hence every proposal should be made to DEA. See this…very interesting - http://aaad.gov.in/
5. The marketing of the World Bank goes—Vikram will come and talk with different departments and ask them to apply for loan to DEA. On paper, it will be shown the department is applying to DEA for World Bank loan.
6. Ideally, there has to be state share (these days it is 30%). Usually, this 30% is indirectly/secretly adjusted with the 70% of the bank, so that the state needs not to spend any money. There is need to study how this ‘adjustment’ is causing inefficiency compared to central government’s direct funding.
7. The bank feels comfortable to deal with same implementing agency in the name of strict procurement policy etc. The relationship has every possibility of going fishy.
8. The way the initialization the project happens (point 5 above), even if the money is huge (say here $49 million), the politician and the citizens didn’t have single clue. Everything is managed by the bureaucrats and the officers of the departments.
9. From the conversation (say between Vikram and Naimur), it is evident, why the World Bank, UNDP jobs kept circulating among a group of people. As nobody knows much (point 8 above), the recruitment usually confined to a small group except the ones where they need expert people. For this project, Naimur and Shalini are there for years, but they are still not sure who would be the implementing agency for the project. Fuck !
10. The increase of China’s investment in Africa is directly related to the contracts China owned in the minerals of African countries. US, via World Bank, used to do the same thing years back.
11. I got to meet many powerful bureaucrats and got introduced by Vikram with high-flying words. I realized  to control the self obsessed IAS officers and their fishy counterparts like the World Bank ones, Politician is the only profession I should target. I feel like going to Jyotirmoy Sharma now and ask for more involvement. Hmm, I don’t know. What should I do, God?
12. Summery- I feel like  I am not at all interested for a World Bank job now. The experience would be just same as Microsoft type probably.

30th June 2014 - Just before first day at McKinsey

[Suddenly came across this word document today;Alas, I could not write my 'First day at McKinsey']

Its 11-23 PM, 30^th June. Tomorrow is my first day at office and I am forcing myself to go to sleep as I really want to enjoy tomorrow. My two assignments are due 3^rd July and I am yet to finish those. This has been a terrible start of my Amsterdam chapter so far. To be frank, I am not feeling even a bit of excitement of working for the biggest management consultancy firm in the world. My brain is filled with Bodoland and Indo-Pak comparison.

In absence of Power Adapter and Internet, pen & paper are the only means of writing assignment

Anyway, hopefully tomorrow will be a great start. After going through the email detailing the day’s schedule, I was like wow! I am meeting Johanna tomorrow- not sure whether I should prepare anything.

I am trying to cool myself telling that no way I am going to work full time here. So, there is no need to get stressed. Enjoy your time in McKinsey- this will just be another bullet point in your CV. I read a tweet today- Don’t confuse you activities with your success. Hmm, no, I won’t. I have a different goal and I know what I want.