13rd March 2015 - Frustrating time and currupted mind

I am in a heavily frustrating state. I returned home on 8th September'14 and till today I am unemployed. The unemployment part was not much worrisome when I was engaged in the volunteering work. But now that the livelihood project is over, I am completely jobless & thoughtless.
The pending result from Twitter is the biggest obstacle for taking any concrete decision. There is absolutely no way to find out what is going on the other side. This is making me restless. Yesterday, I sent an email to Colin directly without knowing whether that was a right thing to do or not.
What if Twitter does not give a good news? As days are progressing, I am increasingly getting apprehensive about joining CFBI. My interest level has gone down; also, I am unsure whether the offer is still open. Yesterday, I almost decided to send an email to the VC of Jindal University (haven't sent until now). Sending email to Grace, Inquiring possibilities with Prateek Hajela, meeting Prodyut Bora in Guwahati are some other options I am weighing out at this point of time.

Amidst all the chaos, my mind has gone terribly wrong. I have realized the typical feeling of 'not going outside Assam' has slowly come to my mind and I am pressing hard to do away with this kind of emotions. The zeal to change the world has reached the rock bottom. The other day I spent 3 hours watching some C-grade movie in order to divert my disturbed mind; I felt terribly sorry after that. Writing- I have not been able to write a single piece in last 5 months. In fact, I can't really concentrate beyond 10 minutes. This blog-post is the first 'attention-requiring' thing that I am doing after a long time. I am slowly becoming an average thinker. Help me God! This is not because of the people around me (to an extent yes) , but my 'waiting mode' has contributed the most for degrading my thought process.

I am in terrible mental pain. I want to do justice to the Oxford degree; I also have to be careful of not committing the same mistakes as earlier. Last week, the email from BSG inquiring my whereabouts made me sad. I have postponed several Skype calls with BSG people because I have nothing to share with them. Maybe I am running away from all the people who ask tough (read as appropriate) questions.

Show me light God ! This is not what I imagined while taking the decision to come back to India. I also remember promising you that I won't need God's favor for my post-Oxford endeavors. But here I am again. I just need an entry point please !