No to Secretary(MeitY) job offer

I think I have written earlier that Secretary, MeitY , Mrs Aruna Sundararajan had called me thrice and asked my interest for a position in her office under her direct supervision. I believe she got to know about me via Rahul, who recently joined the office (without informing me anything). Initially, I was quite excited and ready to join the team where she planned to hire a few foreign educated resources and work on hi-profile stuffs.
After a gap of around a month I got a sudden call from her office today for a meeting. After waiting for 3.5 hours in the morning and evening, I got the appointment at 7-10 PM. By that time, I made up my mind and I answered negatively for all the questions she asked. I had to even lie that my residential place is far off from office and hence I can't remain in office for long.

My diary entry exposing hypocrisy of Rahul

I don't know how this decision will unfold in future. But here are my reasons:
1) So far as the information I gathered from Vinay Sir, her office and even from her words, she needs someone to accompany her to different meetings, take notes, prepare MoM- basically role of knowledgeable PA to be with her full time. I am no way interested in such a profile. My work satisfaction would be the least. And, Moina's point is also valid that my profile will not be associated with any project/initiative/direction.
2) Once hired, I have to sit with Rahul and his team. Working alongside Rahul would be the most disastrous experience I can think of. He has been kind of a traitor. I just can't handle him anymore.
3) Since the beginning of this discussion, I have observed the staff employed in Secy office; they don't have any clue what madam wants. Today was worst with 3.5 hours of waiting time. This reflects badly on Secy's personality. I am not sure how I would be able to handle her with so much confusion/unpredictability. So, in other words, I helped take her a decision quickly for not hiring me.
4) My personal life would be screwed up. Madam never goes home before 7-30 PM; all Saturdays are working. I really don't think matters related to CDAC, DISHA etc deserves to be given so much of my time. These are not topics related to Economics or Politics that I would gain something in future by doing overwork.
5) Akilur Rahman was with me and Secy was considering both of us for the position. He is very keen for this as he has been with NeGD for around 4 years and is looking for a career in this sector only. He ensured my Kargil trip and tomorrow giving me a storytelling session on DigiSevak. After coming out of Secy office, I looked at his eyes, and I congratulated him for the new position. (He was trying hard to explain me it is not a PA position, rather a OSD position).
6) My current manager and A&C team has been superb. Though I worry a little about the kind of work I would do in A&C, still, this team has been the best so far.
7) I have applied the NITI Aayog (though they might have rejected me already) and maybe to a UN job soon. I am venturing out and Secy role might create a bar to explore for atleast next six months.
8) Lastly, this decision is also a sign of my maturity. I am not just running after something that everybody will run. I am actually looking at things with a comprehensive perspective.

Having said so, I would miss the power equation I could have acquired by being with Secy, MeitY. That could have led me to something very interesting- who knows! But anyway, for the time being, the decision has been made from my side at least.

Writing from the Digital India Pavilion at Pragati Maidan

Hello all,
I am writing from the NeGD conference room, temporarily setup in the DI pavilion at Pragati Maidan. It has been completely different experience for me since last 10 days. There are many reasons why a blog post is so much required in my autobiography blog.

In the panel discussion

The India International Trade Fair (IITF) is one of the biggest shows that happens in Asia. I heard about this many times, but this is first time to experience. But interesting fact is that this 36th edition of IITF will be the last in Pragati Maidan since there would be massive renovation from next year.

DigiSevak, the project where I have been working since joining NeGD was launched by Hon'ble Minister Ravi Shankar Prasad on 18th November. This was long due as we have been waiting for a launch for quite some months now.  I hope the project will take a leap now as NeGD will communicate to other ministries and departments.

Minister launching DigiSevak

First time in life, I moderated a Panel Discussion. Panellists consists of partner from KPMG, celebrated IAS officer like Dr. Dinesh Arora, representatives from Ministry of Railways and Ministry of External Affairs,  along with Dy Director from Digital Empowerment Foundation. It was broadcasted live on DI handle of Facebook, accumulating 8,393 views until now. It was a good opportunity given to me by Sunil Sir, amidst slight hesitations by other members of my team. However, the session went well and everyone (including the hesitators) appreciated fully. Well, when I see the video, I can find hundreds of mistakes, but, considering my first attempt, I was feeling happy. The big take ways- I can't do away with my hard kharkhua accent, I need to complete all my words and lastly, bringing separate sentences in between a sentence should be avoided.

In summary, it has been a great experience so far. Sometimes, I do think these type of work has little to do with public policy and whatsoever. But, reality demands these kinds of experience. Overall, I am satisfied with the kind of experience I got in my current role in NeGD in last 11 months. Let's see how the future looks from this point.

Kargil Diary

At Jozila Pass, while going to Kargil

Some places become famous/ notorious for a particular reason. Kargil became famous because of 1999 war. As a non-enthusiastic traveller, I probably never thought of visiting that place, but as an experience seeker, I usually don’t let an opportunity go away.

As part of the Digital India workshop in 120 universities across India, University of Kashmir was one of the venues. However, the 3.5 month long curfew stopped all possibilities of organizing the workshop. I don’t remember how the idea of organizing the workshop in one of the affiliated colleges- Government Degree College, Kargil came up. I pushed this proposal like anything. Then how my name got featured as proposed traveller to Kargil in between the IITF work and Maharashtra workshop is another story.

There were so many learning, plus breaking of stereotypes that I thought a blog is a must. Apart from staying in a house-boat , watching treeless hills, standing in snowfall, there were many others. Let me start with the Kargil.

Kargil:

1.       The concept greater Ladakh – including kargil, Leh, ladakh, Gilgit, Balistan and Tibet. So, three countries are basically oppressing the idea of Greater Ladakh. But indigenous Ladakhis like Dr. Hussain still believes in that concept and inssallah, he would succeed in his wish some day.

At Kargil War memorial at Drass, district-Kargil

2.       Have you wondered why Leh-Ladakh , a Buddhist dominated area falls under a Muslim majority area of J&K? Have you wondered why the Mongolian looking people are named as  Hussain or Fatema? I learnt, this whole population was Biddhist with Mongolian looking people (one Chromosome less, as per Shaila). Then the Muslim Imams started converting these people, they reached Kargil, but could not reach Leh. That’s why you see Mongolian Muslim in Kargil, but Mongolian Buddhist in Leh, although both the areas are same from in most aspects. For the other interesting Aryan story of Ladakha, please read here: http://www.aljazeera.com/indepth/inpictures/2014/06/pictures-last-aryans-201462383426222465.html

3.       After reading ‘Freedom in Midnight’, I always wondered how difficult would have been the work of Cyril Radcliffe in drawing the boundary between India and Pakistan. Dr. Hussain took us to the Pakistan border. There are multiple mountains and both countries have agreed to treat o

ne valley as a boundary after Shimla treaty. There is no fence possible. The difficulty got transferred to the Army/BSF who needs to guard that.

4.       Although the 1999 war is famous as Kargil war, the main infiltration happened in Tiger Hill and Batalik region which is in Drass area, around 54 KM from Kargil. The Kargil war memorial at Drass is an amazing stopover.

5.       Kargilis want to be in India; in fact, they don’t have much approval for the separatist movement initiated by Kashmiris. Shia vs Sunni can be another angle in this circumstance, since majority of Ladakhi Muslims are shia.

6.       The Jozilla Pass- what a place !

Kashmir:

1.       Stone pelting- the new form of protest. When I heard about this in Delhi, I was not able to apprehend the exact situation. But when we were running away from stone-pelters, when we were changing all our plans to avoid getting stoned, I can understand how this new form of protest has revolutionized this region in a worst possible way.

At Srinagar Airport

2.       The anti India sentiment is very strong in Kashmir. Inside that, the independent Kashmir concept is prevalent, mainly in the middle classes. I heard from four people – the solution lies in a tripartite discussion amongst India, Pakistan and Kashmir people (Hurriyat). India’s continuous claim of “Kashmir is an integral part of India” seems to irritate them to the core.

3.       The narrative against Indian Army has been designed and put in the minds of Kashmiri people very very strongly. Many people explained me how the stone pelting by Indian Army has injured young Kashmiri boys, how govt has taken around 6000 young guys in custody, how every broken glasses of road side shops are actually broken by Indian Army etc. It seems Army is at fault for everything, and solely responsible for the gross atrocity done upon the innocent Kashmiris. I always believe one hand can’t sound in a clap. However, I find it is almost impossible to make them even think about the other side of story.

4.       How does it feel to live in curfew from 3.5 months? The hotel I stayed in Srinagar had around 400 rooms, and I was the only occupant. Can you just imagine how has been the business and livelihood of the Kashmiris from the low economic strata?

I think a road trip Srinagar->Kargil->Leh->Manali is worth taking. All the best !

How am I doing?

How and what am I doing ? Its been almost two months there has not been a single entry in this blog.What has been keeping me busy, apart from laziness?

You should always spend sometime of your day
 with kids and adults; with Mr. Kusum Bora

On personal aspiration level, there has been status quo since the Sarbananda proposal didn't go through. I didn't open that chapter and completely removed the idea of working with Assam Government for now. I was in catch 22 position for applying for the book writing fellowship & Global Leadership Fellow of WEF- ended up applying nowhere. Just recently I applied for NITI Aayog consultant position. I have been thinking of meeting Gaurav Gogoi and Ajmal, but have not made any efforts until now. I have not written anything in last couple of months, except the paper for ICEGOV- God knows whether that would be selected or not. In 'better' words, my aspiration space is largely empty.

Office- the university workshops are keeping me busy, super busy. I learnt a lot about people management, organising event and overall, I am satisfied with the experience. But for last several days because of IITF and Agra workshop debacle, the focus on the workshop has been removed and I am forced to invest time in other stuff. DigiSevak is almost ready and we might launch this during IITF. Still, I go to office at 8-15 AM and come back at 5-30 PM. These days often I think I am not doing anything extra other than a middle class office-goer. Well, the shift to Secretary office is still pending; I meet the Secretary again a few days back and she reiterated her wish to form a 'high level' team. If that goes through, I have already decided to leave A&C. Particularly, the events during this IITF has taught me a lesson.

Maa's new room with borrowed money from Moha

In case of relationships, family in Assam is doing good. I travelled quite frequently in last two months and visited both Agia and Jorhat. Maa has taken debt of 1 Lac from Deben Moha and that has made me sad. We should have stopped home construction work if we couldn't afford. But Maa and Dada had different logic. On other relationship front, I am still undecided. I did an experiment a few days back and the outcome made me even more confused. Mridul, Satyakam, Kailash and Pranjal - all are close to me and getting married. This would surely impact my thoughts. When will I become ready? Moina's marriage is another issue. Will I ever get married?

Bigger flat, car, foreign trips, beautiful girls - things that stopped bothering me, sometimes keep sending signals about their presence from inside my mind. I try to stick to my definition of happiness. The tangible desires should me removed completely, intangibles are more worthy (Curtsy - Sunil Sharma Sir). Sometimes I question myself- have I created a false definition of happiness to save money or to avoid embarrassment. Later I again realise, if that is my decision, I should be happy about my decision.

Time for a full time PhD from a reputed university abroad ?

I remember my decision points during November-December of 2013 just ahead of the deadline for applying to BSG's first cohort of PhD applicants. Ngaire's famous words "if something is not letting you sleep, then only you know, this is the right time for PhD" are still vivid in my memory.

Three years later, I still don't have anything which is not letting me sleep. But for some reasons, I have been thinking of a full time PhD for quite some time. It became so intense that I started writing an email to Prof Tom Simpson (BSG) today. Then, I took a pause.

To take the decision whether I should go ahead or not, first I must understand why this resurgence of PhD desire. Then I have to draw the implication of going or not going ahead with such a decision.

Part -I : Probable reasons for my full-time PhD desire:

1. The boredom/questions at current work place. Being an MPP from Oxford, am I at the right place doing the right thing? None of my colleagues are from such background, still we are on the same boat. Is this normal? What's next for me?

2. The urge to continuously challenge myself. After the failure of the "Setting up strategic cell at Assam CMO", I am left with no challenging endeavour now. There is a restlessness growing inside me. Targeting a PhD from a reputed university is certainly a challenging task. Hence, I am forcing myself to get excited !

3. The cool factor. PhD from Oxford is certainly a cool/wow factor. Maybe, I simply love this.

4. The realisation of reality. BSG made me think I can change the world. But, in reality, I was not even capable of getting a job for first 15 months post BSG. Maybe I want to live again in that 'thought paradise'. I want to run away from the current problems (because I can't solve them) and want to live with the thought that I can solve them all once I come back to the country.

5. The fact that I know some professors of BSG/have a Masters degree from Oxford, gives me a confidence (?) that I can crack a full time PhD whenever I apply. Also, Ngaire's word that BSG PhD will be 'practical, on-the-field working with real problem solvers' type attracts me.

6. The on-going part-time PhD by Ibu, Saluja, Satyakam  etc is constantly pressurising me to take a decision; this is not necessarily my interest component for a PhD.

7. Can an email to BSG people asking for advice for preparation of untimed PhD act as a relationship keeping tool? Or, will it spoil my impression as I am not sure enough?


Part -II : Today morning I spent some time with this thought. But now, I have decided that I will not write the email to Tom. It might indicate that I will not pursue the idea of full time PhD for some months. The reasons behind that thought:

1. The blog that I shared on Facebook yesterday was helpful in pushing me to the real world. The fancy degrees from a great university can't equip me to solve real life problems, which is my interest area.

2. The paper that I am drafting with the JNU Intern (Pallabi Barah) again made me realise how superficial and painful the process of academic paper writing & research is.

3. I went through Tom's research interest in BSG website- it is on Trust. There is hardly any connection with ICT4Development or that sort which I have been thinking. Spending 20 minutes in the BSG website reminded me the intense, unrealistic academic atmosphere that I did not like at all. I don't think I am the PhD kinda guy.

4. I should stay in the current job until July 2017, so that there is some hike in my salary and that is reflected in payslip, which in turn would help me negotiate salary for next job. It was a grave mistake in Aizawl and I paid the price in the current job negotiation. Industry offers salary based on last drawn. Though I always say my needs are limited, I believe I should be paid for which I am worthy enough.

5. There are options of Part-time PhD, Fellowship etc that I can explore which would give similar experience like a full time PhD from a reputed university abroad.


Let me end here. Will re-visit if necessary !

Happy Birthday Manjit Nath

I am turning 32 today. Happy birthday Manjit Nath !

I was afraid this would be a post with super negativity because of my circumstances in last one week. But before writing this, I just glanced at my last birthday post. Huh.... the situation was worst. No job for a year, repeated failed attempts, no money for house construction work, a laptop with number of keys not working! Well, I am much better off now. Thank you almighty (I am not finding anyone to thank to be frank)

Celebrating b-day with cream cake at Urpad without
Arup's knowledge

I am at home in Agia now. I thought of spending the 32nd birthday amidst family people and hence coincided the home visit accordingly. But unfortunately, home has become a place with tremendous negative energy, mainly for two reasons - the non-ending house construction works and the broken things (mixer grinder, oven, tube light, UPS, kitchen and so on). I remember the article depicting the difference between loving 'things' vs loving 'experiences'. I want to add- the amount of short-term pleasure 'things' can give is much lesser than the amount of long-term unhappiness broken/missing things can give.The house construction decisions are very painful. At every decision, I/(we) was made to realise the 'middle class economy family'. That is the most painful part in my psychology.


To add to all this, yesterday's meeting with RSS Northeast head Ullash ji was a disaster. I and Mausam were made to wait 2 hours for a five minute briefing. His attitude towards Assam government was not enthusiastic. I was angry with Mr. Surendra and Mr. Pradip Hazarika who informed me that they had already briefed Ullash ji, but in fact, they didn't. When I was coming by a traveller which was stopping for every passenger on the road, I was fuming, felt humiliated. At night I dreamt a very bad dream of failure. Today morning I woke up with a completely negative heart. How many days do I need to plead for giving me an opportunity to help my motherland? Whom am I going to help actually - the stupid tracker driver, the non-sense traveller handyman, the corrupted Assam government officials, the laziest Assamese creatures?What am I getting out of this?  Humiliation, anger, frustration, failure? Are these prices I have to pay for !@#$%??

Chanda starting a new phase, Moina and Dhunu are there too

Ok, now let me now come to the positive points. I have to convert this day to be an optimistic one. The behaviour of RSS people yesterday can be explained by the Outlook magazine story (that trended in India Twitter too) where RSS Assam was accused to trafficking poor tribal girls out of Assam. That was more serious than mine, and I have nothing much to complaint. The house construction is nearing end; at least we know now how the end will look like. And, for money, what will I do with the money I have currently? I can directly invest around INR 20 lacs today. But I don't need to invest even 2 lacs. So, where is the worry?

It is 7:22 AM and I am expecting an eventful still relaxed day today.

As I turned 32 today, I am thinking I should think about getting married and all. To be honest, I have not been able to find a cause/reason that might require my service as a committed bachelor. That is the only reason I am thinking of getting hooked. Moina's marriage is high priority item as of now. If everything goes fine, she should get married by next year. I have already initiated the process, talked to her twice about marriage and also talked to the boy twice (via Himalaya thing). I am not much impressed; still, it is very difficult to judge someone over a 2-minute chat via telephone. Hence, I am quite optimistic and looking forward.

I will make the coming year the most fruitful year- I promise to myself today. Things will be positive, it has to be positive. If not, I will make it positive.

On this positive note, let me end this post. It is 9-31 PM now; time to sleep.

Fever - how it destroys the self confidence

This week was terrible from health perspective. I started feeling low from Monday noon, and by Tuesday afternoon, temperature went high. Wednesday and Thursday were terrible. Recovery started from Friday and currently I am stable with bit of weakness and cough.

Obsessed with photo even on ill bed !

Cold and fever have been my acquaintances. It does not worry me much as I know I would be recovered soon. However, during the extreme temperature period, oh my God! You feel like the whole world would crash. I just can't explain the feeling- you don't want to eat, don't feel like doing any damn thing, want no person in vicinity but can't leave alone also, electric fan/AC is dangerous but the summer will compel you, hot water for eating and bathing though cold water is so much desirable. The mutually exclusive type scenarios make your choices so hard and that further frustrates the ill person.

You also realise the importance of having a family. Luckily, Trishna was there to help for some time. The career ambitions seem so non-priority on those moments. Even the self confidence goes down to bottom. The ultimate objective becomes only survival.

I hope my annual fever is over until 2017. There is not much lesson this time, went almost peacefully.

There is absolutely nothing going on in life except office works. After the failed attempt with the Assam government, I have not gathered the courage to fail again. God, help me come out of this ! I feel like I have been trapped. Help me God ! Am I diminishing my aspirations?