I remember my decision points during November-December of 2013 just ahead of the deadline for applying to BSG's first cohort of PhD applicants. Ngaire's famous words "if something is not letting you sleep, then only you know, this is the right time for PhD" are still vivid in my memory.
Three years later, I still don't have anything which is not letting me sleep. But for some reasons, I have been thinking of a full time PhD for quite some time. It became so intense that I started writing an email to Prof Tom Simpson (BSG) today. Then, I took a pause.
To take the decision whether I should go ahead or not, first I must understand why this resurgence of PhD desire. Then I have to draw the implication of going or not going ahead with such a decision.
Part -I : Probable reasons for my full-time PhD desire:
1. The boredom/questions at current work place. Being an MPP from Oxford, am I at the right place doing the right thing? None of my colleagues are from such background, still we are on the same boat. Is this normal? What's next for me?
2. The urge to continuously challenge myself. After the failure of the "Setting up strategic cell at Assam CMO", I am left with no challenging endeavour now. There is a restlessness growing inside me. Targeting a PhD from a reputed university is certainly a challenging task. Hence, I am forcing myself to get excited !
3. The cool factor. PhD from Oxford is certainly a cool/wow factor. Maybe, I simply love this.
4. The realisation of reality. BSG made me think I can change the world. But, in reality, I was not even capable of getting a job for first 15 months post BSG. Maybe I want to live again in that 'thought paradise'. I want to run away from the current problems (because I can't solve them) and want to live with the thought that I can solve them all once I come back to the country.
5. The fact that I know some professors of BSG/have a Masters degree from Oxford, gives me a confidence (?) that I can crack a full time PhD whenever I apply. Also, Ngaire's word that BSG PhD will be 'practical, on-the-field working with real problem solvers' type attracts me.
6. The on-going part-time PhD by Ibu, Saluja, Satyakam etc is constantly pressurising me to take a decision; this is not necessarily my interest component for a PhD.
7. Can an email to BSG people asking for advice for preparation of untimed PhD act as a relationship keeping tool? Or, will it spoil my impression as I am not sure enough?
Part -II : Today morning I spent some time with this thought. But now, I have decided that I will not write the email to Tom. It might indicate that I will not pursue the idea of full time PhD for some months. The reasons behind that thought:
1. The blog that I shared on Facebook yesterday was helpful in pushing me to the real world. The fancy degrees from a great university can't equip me to solve real life problems, which is my interest area.
2. The paper that I am drafting with the JNU Intern (Pallabi Barah) again made me realise how superficial and painful the process of academic paper writing & research is.
3. I went through Tom's research interest in BSG website- it is on Trust. There is hardly any connection with ICT4Development or that sort which I have been thinking. Spending 20 minutes in the BSG website reminded me the intense, unrealistic academic atmosphere that I did not like at all. I don't think I am the PhD kinda guy.
4. I should stay in the current job until July 2017, so that there is some hike in my salary and that is reflected in payslip, which in turn would help me negotiate salary for next job. It was a grave mistake in Aizawl and I paid the price in the current job negotiation. Industry offers salary based on last drawn. Though I always say my needs are limited, I believe I should be paid for which I am worthy enough.
5. There are options of Part-time PhD, Fellowship etc that I can explore which would give similar experience like a full time PhD from a reputed university abroad.
Let me end here. Will re-visit if necessary !
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