Analysis of FY 2020-21 (Expensive Year)

 

FY 2020-21 was a super exceptional year, and I don’t think the world (as well as myself) will witness a year like this very soon. This FY started with the lockdown and ended in semi-lockdown state. I witnessed two major events of my life- buying land at Guwahati and getting married- both has major significance from financial angle.

How I fared against the goals set last year:

a.       Xomidhan money and my personal accounts are separate now. This was a great achievement of last year. AT- money still comes to my SBI, which I transfer regularly.

b.       On my trading goal, I could not become short term investor. During Covid-19, the market touched bottom and I managed to acquire some good stocks such as Infy. However, the biggest blunder was selling of RIL, one day after I sold-off, Facebook announced to invest in RIL. I am so stupid and unaware. On selling fronts, my decisions have not been wise. I only invested 5,000/- into Sharekhan in last FY. Because of Corona uncertainty, I mostly stayed away. Also, there were lot of expenses otherwise.

c.       I stick to my earlier promise of creating no more FDs. In fact, the FDs I opened with Maa (I guess partial amount left in the form of new FD) and Moina got matured and never opened again. I am now waiting for my 6 lakh FD in ICICI to get matured so that I can buy a car in cash.

d.       I was all game for opening one Saving Bank account with Kotak Bank which is offering Savings Bank interest of around 7% before pandemic starts. I even got phone number and the representative was about to come to NSDC office to meet me. After Covid rising starts in March-end, I returned to Assam and I didn’t pursue further. Now, I see even Kotak is offering only 3.5 to 4% interest rate.

e.       Real estate investment – yes, I did it. All thanks to Karuna Da- a long cherished dream indeed from Deuta’s time; financially sound option as well.

f.        Although I could not get hold of a CA, I talked with Salil Nagpal (Audit Head, NSDC) on all possible ways to save tax. Except donating to charity org (some CAs have contact of such org and you may say upto 5K after their cut), I have exhausted all options. Admit it Manjit- you are paying ~2.5 lakh per year as tax- you are rich 

g.       Increasing expenditure—yes, I need come out of middle class. I tried in bits and pieces (say, in enrolling the English writing Udemy course), but not enough. Having a wife is helping me in this goal now. She is not over-spender but does not shy away from important expenditures. This is a good sign.

 

Some quick facts from last FY:

a.       Marriage expenditure:

·         Total kharcha: 13,24,058/- *

·         Expenses incurred by me only: 9,81,323/- ; rest shared mostly by Maa followed by Dada and Moina

·         Money saved: By canceling return gift (around 32 K), by not keeping ceiling by bamboo, by having own bamboo from samaguri (around 16K), by borrowing sofa from Lohid Da's house (around 15K), by having Kapil Da for videography, by not having LED screen and speakers all around etc.

·         The distribution of cost in the big categories as below. The detail is there in an excel file, which I uploaded in my Google Drive.

Major categories	Sum of Price
Food (all, veg, non-veg, sweets for all day)	298117
Food Distribution (it was a major thrust to be environment friendly)	56477
Front Decoration (it was the highlight by Nayan Da, Madan)	111851
Gifts (mainly to family members, others, dresses dominate)	110087
House preparation (making the back side ready, mostly by Maa)	98166
Memories (photo, Goru gari, flower tub etc)	81400
Post-Marriage (aath mongola, aloha khoa, office treat etc)	24590
Ritual (jewelry, dress for bride, upanayana, aloha ghar sua, everything)	425672
Self (dress, makeup)	17328
Tent House (Hatembhai, except Bamboo all other work)	78000
Transport (Petrol at diff occasions, bus booking etc)	13040
Winter (blanket, khat etc)	9330
Grand Total	1324058

 

*considering 28,600/- paid for Mithai by cheque which never got deducted + 2K around is left to be paid to Kapil for video + including post marriage expenses to an extent.

Conclusion: It is one time and totally worth. Being at home gave me resources to explore and apply wild imagination. I just loved everything. Now gearing up for the next marriage in the family.

 

b.      Land buying expenditure:

·         Land valuation as per registration certificate: 6,11,928/-

·         Land Development Cost: 8,50,000/-

·         Land registration brokerage: 68,000/-

·         To Dr. Gogoi: 72,000/-

·         Land Naamjari cost: 10,000/-

·         Transportation/other cost: 5800/-

·         Still to be paid to Mr. Gogoi: 4,66,072/-

 

c.       Rent saving in Mahipalpur due to Covid:

·         In normal scenario – 1,74,000 (not counting possible increase once you cross 2 years)

·         I paid- 1,10,500 with a saving of 63,500/-

·         Getting a fully furnished 3BHK in Dwarka Sector 22 @21,000/- should be termed good deal.

d.       New home setup at Dwarka:

Since the Dwarka flat is furnished, I had little to spend for setting up the home. Some expenditures are due (Split AC, mirror etc) which I am yet to buy. The security money is one month only and that’s a relief. The brokerage is of 20 days and I am yet to pay around 5K. Shifting took 3800/-- all come in one big tempo type vehicle.

 

e.       CTC going down due to Covid:

NSDC did not give any hike and cancelled the variable pay. Hence, the effective CTC went downwards for all employees. This was terrible at this stage. My performance was excellent last year and I was expecting good hike. While I am appreciative of the fact that the employer did not hold the salary, there was scope for paying the full amount. Situation hasn’t changed at all with the same management this year and new CEO joining in. The process for appraisal has not yet started until now. The attrition rate at NSDC has touched 20%.

 

f.        Drastic changes in expenditure trend:

Due to Covid and marriage, one may observe disruption in the normal trend in my outflow budget. My travel and recreation expenses are hovering in 1%. The expenses under personal category that hovers around 1%, has jumped to 48.78%. The investment (includes land purchase) has seen huge jump with 88.86%. Upkeep is still below 10%.

 

Thought for next year:

a.       Different expense tracking template with much delegation: Now that I am married, additional expenses have come. Also, expenses wouldn’t be made only by me. Reconciling both the two has been a challenge and I, with my wife have been thinking on the same. As a philosophy, I believe delegation and I think Nina must be given independent responsibilities to handle. Of course, there are trust and capability issues, but I ought to build that up eventually even if the other person is struggling initially. I have decided to give some categories such as utility payment, sabji etc completely to her. Some categories such as rent will completely be me. Rest will be common. I will transfer an amount (15K to start with) on first day of the month. We made the excel template for both of us. I am not 100% convinced as I don’t have anything to refer to. Let’s see, maybe, this will evolve with time.

b.       Managing Nina’s expense: Until the time Nina starts earning, I need to devise a way of taking care of her expenses. Also, I need to delegate some responsibilities so that she learns to spend, as I mentioned above. Also, I see Nina’s needs as my attempt to get out of the middle class mentality. In Last FY, I spent INR 89,507/- for expenses related to her. However, it includes, 37K for the Scooty and 26K which is lying in her Canara Bank account. For next FY, I separated categories of expenditure as written aove. I will start from 15K and based on first month’s feedback, I will decide. My expectation that she learns how to manage home routine expenses.

c.       Cryptocurrency investment: The last year witnessed unbelievable surge in Bitcoin as well as other crypto currencies. The Hon’ble Supreme Court of India had lifted the ban imposed by Govt of India. Also, Elon Musk tweeted favourably for Bitcoin. I just missed the whole part. After govt of India brought ban in 2017-18, I stopped following the development in this space. This was a big mistake. I need to follow the trend from now and invest if getting an opportunity.

d.       Big expenses lined up: Moina’s marriage, buying a car and completing the remaining payment of Ghy land purchase are the three big expenditures pending. I am prepared for all three. I am afraid of the unexpected expenditures in terms of medical emergency or personal emergency of any family members.

e.       Categories might see jump: I am expecting to see expenditure jump in the below categories:

1.       Transportation: Now that I don’t walk to office, there will be regular addition into this. For office trip, it costs me INR 64/- per day. There is provision of time bound, station specific passes by which I can reduce this further to ~40/- per day, but I am not opting for that since alternate day office visit is going on currently.

2.       Food: This should have increased earlier, let be it now with coming of wifey

3.       Upkeep: Monthly rent has increased, although not to the extent I was expecting (25K per month). Fixed assets for home will be additional too.

4.       Personal: This will increase as I moved some other heads (say my own mobile bill) here. Also, if you are living with a lady, you can’t ignore some things on medicine, dress etc. This is good though. There will be personal expenses for Nina as well.

5.       Travel: I think it will increase. Although my solo trips will get curtailed (will be zero, I guess), cost components for two persons will push this component any way. The other point that I always believe, for people like us living outside home state, a significant cost is the hope trips which happen minimum twice a year.

6.       Gift/Donation: This will go up certainly.

At the same time, I am expecting slump in expenses in Investment and Family.

 

f.        New category structure:

·         I have removed Family. The utilities will go to Nina’s utility bills and any gift, ticket will go to Gift/Donation tab.

·         Created a new category for Unique/First. This will be for common for me/Nina for any new thing we try this (inspired from the paragliding I did)

·         LIC/Health policy etc, that I was putting in Investment, will be put under personal from now. I think I must distinguish what is considered as investment.

·         My Food expenses will be limited to the expenses made by Food wallet or any online medium- no cash expenses. Cash things will go to personal.

 

 

The inflow table of FY 2020-21:

	Salary+Food wallet	Reimbursement (Office, others)	Loan Repay(includes EMI interest)	Interest (Savings Account)	Interest (FDs)	Market (Equity, MF)	Others
April	132503		23673			17460		173636
May	147328	80	28373				1000	176781
June	141515	36309	8673	15408	17292			219197
July	141516		8673			331		150520
August	141516		78673			166	2000	222355
Sept	141516		8673	17238		1284	9000	177711
Oct	141516		8673			161		150350
Nov	141516					2340	2200	146056
Dec	141515	5011	8673	13780		480	1570	171029.25
Jan	141516	8688			10400	318	76271	237193
Feb	142373	7898	8673		1072	1357	10630	172003
Mar	142374		8673	12651	5993	6410		176101
Total	1696704	57986	191430	59077	34757	30307	102671	2172932
	78.08%	2.67%	8.81%	2.72%	1.60%	1.39%	4.72%

 

 

The Outflow table of FY2020-21:

	Upkeep	Food	Personal	Family	Investment	Transport	Travel	Gift	Recreation	Tax	Loan	Total
April	14971	5360	0	6871	93508	3000	0	6235	0	20728	0	150673
May	9471	8630	4185	2031	165327	500	0	0	0	21550	0	211694
June	9471	7341	50840	20707	47985	4500	0	20967	0	21550	0	183361
July	8485	4405	4200	5863	15045	1000	0	13550	570	21550	0	74668
August	8477	3336	810	10256	17045	4250	0	3001	0	21550	0	68725
Sept	11171	3063	0	2393	51415	3700	0	1220	0	21550	0	94512
Oct	11471	7132	135793	3592	83415	3540	0	3200	950	21550	0	270643
Nov	11522	7010	378409	6502	828343	4970	0	830	0	24050	17000	1278636
Dec	11477	820	56994	3068	393430	500	0	2417	700	21550	0	490956
Jan	16070	720	414690	5383	95480	2000	6572	5840	0	21550	3770	572075
Feb	69340	10974	10947	0	126415	1525	1500	8730	16014	20693	0	266138
Mar	3490	6198	3150	131	13415	2273	17140	9050	1678	20692	9350	86567
	185416	64989	1060018	66797	1930823	31758	25212	75040	19912	258563	30120	3748648
Percentage	8.53%	2.99%	48.78%	3.07%	88.86%	1.46%	1.16%	3.45%	0.92%	11.90%	1.39%	172.52%

 

First 'big' decision post marriage - renting house in Delhi

I have been just thinking since morning today to write something on this autobiography blog. This is my last weekend in Delhi alone (after coming here on 1 Feb) before Nina joins me on Tuesday. 

The first big decision I took after marriage where I had to constantly think about my wife is the house renting. Although it is not such a big decision, still, I want to write down.

Yesterday, finally I zeroed down a 3bhk at Dwarka sector22, Pocket 1 in DDA SFS flat. Below are some of the reasons:

1) First I tried to decide the location. Vasant kunj and Dwarka were the only two places I considered. The newly constructed E1 was good, rent was also reasonable. However, the under-construction environment was not livable. Also, I didn't want to pressurize myself every morning on my mode of commutation to office. E2 goes with same logic, along with water issues. The points were applicable for Nangal Dewat with additional point of the initial dark stretch from main road and lack of habitants which is most important criteria for Nina's proposed school. Hence, I moved towards to Dwarka, although my manager also lives there and taking metro train (runs after 10 Min) would be daily activity. In Dwarka, sector 22/23 were at walkable distance from Sector-21 metro station and hence most preferred. The existence of CR, Mamu and Pragjyotishpur apartment in the nearby areas was plus point.  

2) Secondly to select the society, cost and Nina's requirement played major role. For Nina's proposed school, I need a place where visitors will be allowed without much restriction, hanging of hoardings etc will be allowed. For other societies and standalone flats it would not have been ideal from catching students and restriction in entry point of view. Cost is always there. For other private societies, the maintenance cost is around 3000/-, for the selected ones it 300/-. Consequently, lift is not there and flats are old styled. But, I can easily live with that.

3) For selecting types, for dance practice, one room is needed. Hence, there is no other option than 3 BHK. Additionally, I got this at the front of gate#1 of the society and this would be amazing from Nina's point of view.

4) On furnished/unfurnished, I was prepared to invest more than 1 lakh just to buy household items (bigger fridge, washing machine, sofa, bed, one split AC, mirror etc). Luckily, the house is furnished. It will help me in maintaining minimal buying and quick movement is there is any new development is life.

5) On number of floors, I tried avoiding top floor and wanted to keep within second floor. But I got this on 3rd floor (not top floor though)

6) On owners, I don't have any choice. The owner Col Rajdeep Singh- found to be a good guy only. 

7) On security, I requested for one month and the owner agreed. For brokerage, CR is negotiating for 20 days, let's see. Since the broker helped (not directly) in reducing from 22K to 21K, 1K to them for a year, banta hain.

8) Parking - I don't have a choice as I don't own a car now. Although there is no reserved parking at DDA, there are ample spaces for parking.

9) Lighting was an issue which Nina also highlighted. All the rooms in this flat (except kitchen) are well ventilated. 

10) Electricity bill was a big reason for not shifting to Gurgaon. I hope this will be checked in Dwarka.

Unwanted points: Will have to travel with manager on most occasions in a single metro, walk upto 3rd floor and no access to tersest, small balcony due to the store room, Smaller compared to other 3BHKs in the colony, DDA is considered 'oh' compared to the nearby private societies, absence of Mahipalpur type markets.

All the best - happy stay !

The important year of 2020

Probably for the first time, I have started writing this year review post before the year ended. It is now the early morning of the last day of 2020. It is not my excitement that is prompting me to write, but the fear of lack of time for writing this post in the coming days. [but I am finishing on 15 Jan only).

Corona and subsequent lockdown dominated the year. It changed the course of daily lives for every one of us. Since 22 March'20 I have been living at Agia. This is kind of unimaginable scenario. More than 8.4 Crore people has been affected (I am also one of them) and more than 18 Lakh people have died until now all over the world. With more than 2.02 Crore cases as on today, US is leading the count of infected cases, followed by India, Brazil and Russia respectively. The death toll leader US stands at 3.5 Lakh, followed by Brazil, India and Mexico as on today. 

However, the start of the year didn't look like the same. We started hearing the cases coming up in Wuhan, but didn't pay much attention. I remember my trip to Bangalore amidst lockdown type situation; my entry was restricted at multiple places. 

Big Lockdown projects:

1. House construction expense full calculation (total came to be apprx 77.2 Lakh)

2. BP Medicine becomes regular (until marriage got fixed)

3. Knowledge on Ramayana, Mahabharata, Avatars of Lord Vishnu (so intense that later shifted to Youtube)

4. New terms such as Tabligi Jamad, Covid-19, Lockdown, quarantine, vaccine, 

5. Searching the books with missing entries (started from missing 164 count), bringing new categories of souvenier with SOV series

6. Relief food packet distribution during lock-down

7. The books - কৰ্ণফুলিৰ পাৰত, পৰেশ বৰুৱাৰ সন্ধানত, মানৰ দেশত, মোৰো এটা সপোন আছে, The Difficulty of being Good (continued)

8. Reflecitng old memories, personalities (ref- 16 April page)

9. Renovating my room with racks, paints etc, then Maa's room as well

10. The article on reverse migrants published in News18 portal after multiple attempts

11. Helping Maa document her published works at one place

12. The LP School souvenier - this the the biggest project after Marriage and land. The long seating sessions at Drishti press, the fund raising efforts, article colelction and editing efforts, ISBN attempts, the last minute issues with paper quality, the different decisions, involving different people, taking and drafting the interviews and finally inauguration on 26 Sept

13. Buying the land at Ghy

14. First buy of an online course -Ninja Writing which is still to complete

15. Writing to Homen Borgohain Sir

16. The celebrity career sessions in Xomidhan, including Zubeen

17. The year with no appraisal or variable component

18. Moina learning the car driving

19. Morning cycling 

20. The reduced rent paid to pappu ji; in other words, paid premium without usage

21. Meeting ex ULFA of Goalpara district- Pranay Ray (Bapujinagar), Raktim Da (at library), Chaliha (Dhanubhanga)

22. Land

23. Marriage

Health:

1. High BP medicine became common during lockdown. With the different discussion at home, my BP went out of control. During June-July-Aug time I had regular tablets- Telmisartan 20 mg. and sometimes Amtaz. After marriage thing got settled, I stopped taking medicines regularly. 

2. Getting infected by Covid-19  is another health related update of the year. Although I had no symptoms, Dada had symptoms. The visits to the hospital for tests, pushing through the authorities for correct reporting on positive case, the medicines and the home isolations and finally getting negative - I would remember that ordeal. Although my condition didn't detoriate, the often heard stories of other patients definitely paused lot of questions. 

Marriage:

• Two posts have already been written - one for timelie, the other for decision making processes.
• I enjoyed the 'breaking the news' to different people aspect of this story and how different people reacted. There were both positive and negative expressions.
• The diary pages of Oct-Nov-Dec to be referred for the marriage preparation
• The letter to Nina- my first attempt to write a love letter
• Two chapters needed to be closed - Trish's seeing someone in Delhi to her engagement news and then cancellation of engagment news made a closing story. Bish's arrogancy cum cursing went to peak when i blocked her; she is terrible and closure was not good.

Finance:

1. Share market went down (Sensex at 28 K level) during March, I managed to buy a few stocks. I did mistake by selling Reliance and Sun Pharma (with profit though). Just on the next day of selling Reliance, the news of Facebook investing in Reliance surfaced and stock prices went zoo...om.

2. I did a total worth calculation on my birthday which exceeds 1 Cr. I was so happy. However, my expenditure started shooting up. In the month of November, my expenditure crossed around 13 lakh

Non-Profits:

1. Great work done with the revival of the Xomidhan bank account, activating the Internet Banking. I was happy like a kid when I figured out the child account issue with the Xomidhan Finance gmail ID. The CA audit of last 8-9 years are also done at only INR 3000/- (via Moina's friend and thanks to Kangkan). Also, managed one beneficiary for MNM Trust for ScholarAssist and total of 4 beneficiaries for the year. The annual reports are completed. Overall, it was an amazing year for Xomidhan. The only thing left was the renewal of the society registration.

2. I tried reviving BXX. On my initiative, two conf calls were conducted. However, there is not much movement after those calls. The diversity and other engagements of the group members, the Govt directive on renewing society registration, lack of teamwork are some of the reasons for this failed attempt of BXX revival.

3. From MNM Trust side, there is not much activity. Hosting Homen Borgohain Sir and Reeta Chowdhary baideu were two important moments. For the entire lockdown period, the library provided me the much needed space to sit with a calm head and work throughout. I can't thank myself enough for creating such a space. Many young kids such as Pushpa, Karna etc came in contact with me via the library during this period. Also, bought a new steel almirah from Agia, modified the wooden old almirag. On trustee level, inclusion of Rahul bhini as trustee was a big event of the year (on 26 July).

Travel:

It was worst year from travel point of view. I still have the 3 travel tickets pending with me. Below are the limited travels undertaken in the year:

1) Srinagar, Baramula , Tangmarg, Gulmarg, Mirgund (31 Jan) - official visit for monitoring

2) Bangalore Trip (13 March) - RPL monitoring, Binny, Madat da, NESA get together, Sri Sri ashram visit, 

3) The great/longest home visit 22 March

Webinars:

1. The BSG webinar initiated by Briar. I was well prepared, did demo session at office, Kaushik was there to take care of logistics. It was on 4 March and went well.

2. Best selling super power author _ I attended on 9 June with full concentration mode.

3. Why to study Love and Humour (by Ashoka University) on 8 April 2020

4. The webinar at SB Deorah college (278+ attendees) on 20 June; thanks to Dharmendra Da

5. The webinar at Jorhat College on initiation of Dr. Devabrata Sarmah Sir on 7 July

6. The webinar at KK Handique state open university on initiation of Dola Borkakoti , friend of Megha

7. The lecture at Moolya Foundation on public policy via Ankit on 5 Sept 

8. The ILO webinar on RPL on 14 October 

9. The Raijor Dol webinar on initiation of Kuldeep with Debanga and others

Important Dates:

1 January: The year started with a bang- a decade for Xomidhan

19 January: Bhogali Bihu celebration at Shrimanta Sankardeva Bhawan, Tapan's family first visit at Agia

29 January: Prog with Gaurav Gogoi and Deep Kalra; evening at M&E pub celebration

2 February: Election campaign for Manish Sishodia with Yash

15-16 February: Experimental weekend, not so great though

24 February: Broadband wifi installation at Mahipalpur home for mainly BSG seminar (4 March)

5 March: First time I wrote about Corona virus, little did I know about future

20-22 March: the decision making and finally arriving in Assam amidst Janata Curfew

31 March: Dada clearing promotion exam and PMKVY2.0 getting ended

23 May: Agia LP school project - first article collection date

4 June: My first visit to Nina's place, to Nichinta

6 June: Nabajyoti taking video interview at library 

14 June: Land measurement at Mirza

27 June: LP School, Rampur & Nichinta 

18 July: The pork treat at Badungduppa's new campus

29 August: Visit to Barpeta Kirtan ghar and three interviews

21 Sept: Day for resumption of skill training pan India on paper

2 Oct: Sualkuchi trip for buying cloths

10 Oct: Moina's furniture order day trip to Dhupdhara

23 Oct: Upanayan at Baitamari got accomplished today

26 Oct: The marriage date fixing ceremony at Nichinta

1 Nov: Bride's family's home darshan

14 Nov: First witness of elephant tragedy at Nichinta, went to visit, but returned from road

21 Nov: First trip with Nina to Ghy alone

24 Nov: Got the new phone Redmi 9 Prime 

2 Dec: Tested positive for Covid-19

15-16 Dec: Under the Sal tree festival cum registration happened today

27 Dec: Nina's launch of SattriyaCorner, বিয়াৰ সন্মত

Office:

WFH, no appraisal, MSP touching ceiling of irritation, SANKALP RPL, GKRA RPL, NE Cluster discussion, Geetanjli's sudden entry and silent exit, breaking the news to office people on 27 Nov

People: New, Revived, Death

1. New:  Heemarani Baruah (Assamese language researcher at DU),  Ankita Barooah (BSG aspirant, Xomidhan counselor later), Honey Pamnani(I ended up writing reco for her MPP at BSG) , Uddipta R. Baruah, Ajoy bhini

2. Death- father of Sunil Bihari Da, Mahesh engineer, Tulasi Peha, Juri's Mother- Chaya baideu, Tarun Gogoi

3. Revived- Anul K Nath, Manash Sarma,

4. Nina's side- Deepshikha, Anulekha, Pompi, Chitralekha, Naba, Shankar Da, Swarnasikha, 

5. In focus: Dhireswar Da's wife

--

In summary, I want to thank God for the exceptional year gifted to me. I hope the decisions I have taken in this year will prove to be most fruitful. 

The Marriage Story

This is the second blog-post on the marriage event. The last post was recorded for the decision purpose and this post is for the story with timeline. Kaha se suru karu? 

I have the vivid memory of Nina and her family living at Arup Da's place. I even visited her once to repair her computer while I was in NIT D.

Not sure how and when Maa started thinking about Nina. For me, the recent concrete memory is from the Under the Sal Tree Festival- 2018. After talking with Nina, then wearing a blue jeans and sweater, Nilutpal started teasing that we would become a nice couple. He ignited something which could lead to a long trail which nobody might had apprehended. 

Two things were rally attractive for Nina- her love for Sattriya and her height. Phone numbers were exchanged, but the first Whatsapp message was sent only on 19 May 2019, that too in response to a status shared by her. Then the birthday wish of the year 2019 (nobody of us had slightest clue that I would visit her on the next year birthday). Later conversation from July'19 onwards were mainly concentrated on her dance school, but with very long frequency- once in two months type.

The first major step was taken on 4 Oct'19 when I visited her school with Rahul Bhini. Later I came to know how my visit instigated the Agia people to make false affair news between us. After that meeting, based on my advice, she wrote about her current career aims and we hold a discussion at the library on 7 Oct. I liked her enthusiasm. I was at home for Durga puja; on Dasami day, I made her eat jalebi at Agia Puja Mandap. Who would have known that time that in next Dasami, my family would visit her home to fix the marriage date!

Whatsapp messages became more frequent. I can't recall my emotions for her that time. The emotional weakness was there, but wasn't really sure on next steps. In the last week of October'19, I also reviewed her application for JRF of Ministry of Culture.

I remember having lot of ocnversation on 23 Jan 2020 after she used the word depression to exprss her current status. I am anyway good in giving funda on such occasions, and found her a good listener as well.

Then couple of events kept the normal conversation alive- the Bhaona at Bapupara Xatra, the JNM renuion (23 Feb), I attending Sattriya programme in Delhi, fixing with Anshuman for Bihu programme in Chennai etc. 

The other event that was happening during this time without my knowledge was Maa's message to Bride's house via Jyotsna bai. The unusual suspense from her family side worried everyone at home. I got to know about this worriness from Pranjal when Moina told him(Pranjal) during the marriage of his youngest brother. Later Nina told me how she was handling a broken relationship during that time amidst the discomfort of all family members.

Then Covid-19 came and the lockdown happened. Since Pranjal knew about Nina, he kept pushing for marriage with or without Nina, but with immediate affect. The pressure at home also hiked so much that I agreed for opening an account at Shaadi.com, managed by mother. Will you believe - that was a paid account financed by Moina. I made myself free from all other considerations including the ones where existed any little thread. God too helped me doing all this as preparatory work for marriage. 

28 May'20 - I met Nina for the first time during lockdown. She informed that was her first stepping out of home and meeting an outsider, mainly inspired after reading my interview in Niyomiya Barta one more time. However, the get-up for this meeting since start of the lockdown was beautifully decorated with frequent whatsapp conversation, and sometimes, with telephonic calls. Couple of discussion topics - her Pratidin Times perfomance, the Lockdown ration distirution by PSC members, German Chancellor fellowship, her Nrittyanjali logo design with help of Joy Da, Jagriti yatra application had dominated our conversation before meeting. There was a long conversation on 9 April, where I started asking some futuristic questions. I almost made up my mind that I need to pursue this relationship. However, I was not sure why she didn't respond to Maa's call via Jyotsna bai. 

Then the month of June started- busy month in terms of events and decisions!

4 June'20 - a major step was taken as I and Moina went to visit her home on account of her birthday. It was a regular visit, my first visit to Nichinta after ages. I still wonder how I took the decision, visiting a full grown girl/boy on occasion of birthday is something I always avoid. However, this decision was different; at Nichinta, the reception was very 'gaoliya' and I loved that.

11 June'20 - First date with Nina on the banks of the mighty Brahmaputra. With the sun setting beyond the Naranarayan Xetu, I have the vivid memory of looking at her as my future partner. I found her perfect. The purpose of the outing was not date, but to test her driving skill. She did drive for some time and this factor made me super excited. Also she asked for my feedback (the critical ones) about her where I did a long lecture. I loved the way she accepted the critical feedback.

Nina's idea on Sattriya Corner and her efforts for the application of National Youth Award were praiseworthy. I was slowly left with no excuse for not asking her. I even thought I might pressurize her to come out of old & non-working relationship, of course, if the other person doesn't belong to Agia region. Like any typical boy, I tried to guess her night engagement by looking at the whatsup active time, status etc. In summary, I went back to the NIT days when I first started looking at girls.

27 June'20 - a very critical day to remember. We have been planning a visit to Badungduppa which happened today. I, Madan, Utpal and Nina went to the newly bought land of Badungduppa, completely drenched with rain on the way. First time I went to drop her to Nichinta. From Rampur to Nichinta, on the car, I asked her, "our relationship has come to a level now. The next step would be to enter into a new level if you are also fine". She got out of the car in front of her house, completely silent, didn't even wait for me to turn the car and say goodbye, and she went inside. I was super confused, perplexed.

The period from 27 June to 8 July was the worst - we had only 3-4 texts exchanged, that too forward message kinds stuffs. I got to know from Kamal (->Naba->Chitralekha) that her marriage has already fixed, the groom's family had also visited once; the guy is her long time love interest and non-Assamese. The news is also confirmed by Majoni Bai to Moina. 

All my dreams got collapsed for another time. I felt pity on myself for my foolishness of not enquiring this basic thing before started building my empire of dreams. I texted Pranjal about the closure of Nijara chapter. Kamal was comforting me; he thought this was my first big failure in life. Moina and Maa speeded up the search on Shaadi.com. I decided I would still help her with Sattriya Corner thing, but will not conduct the khana at Badungduppa. I can't be that great to feast with the girl who is romancing with someone else and I am organizing food for her. Although I was not even slightly interested, I decided to go out with her on 8 July.

8 July'20 -  Again on the bank of the mighty Brahmaputra, Nina opened up her life related to the marriage. I don't want to write what she said. The way I interpreted - a wrong decision was taken by her about a person and she is trying hard to change her life towards a new dawn. I kept thinking how much role I played in her decision towards a new dawn. Also, will it be actually possible for her to come out in true sense? What if the other person start behaving crazy? In either case, I thought a teantative 2-month long duration to understand her and generate the much needed 'love' between us, if possible. My broken empire of dreams again started the formation in bits and pieces. She also started helping me in the Agia LP School project. 

18 July'20 - The suspended feast at Badungduppa's new location got conducted today. Dreams were flying with wings. Moina and Mridusmita were also present. I was thinking how this would turn into love and then marriage.

20 July'20 - A wish got killed, but a new wish got born. First one is love marriage, the second one is arranged marriage. Achyut's father , Dharma khura, made a sudden appearance in our marriage story with a weapon in his arsenal which would make him look like the most important player. The weapon was the formal marriage proposal from Nijara's home side. This is quite surprising. Maa later informed that Dharma khura brought Nina's name around two years as well. 

Deliberation started at our home. All were super positive and excited. They were little confused about the non-responsiveness of Jyotsna bai event, but I was not. I only told Moina (on the way to Baikunthapuri) about my 8 July conversation with Nina. The failed attempts from Shaadi.com also made Maa & Dada frustrated. I told I have just started knowing her, will take some time. Family members didn't spare a minute before assuming that as my yes. Dharma khura had been informed as well.

24 July'20 - I requested Nina for a conversation on the Deuli-Lakhipur road. She confirmed her conversation with Dharma khura and willingness to go forward on this relationship. I put up the challenges of living a life with a complex person like me very clearly. The negative points dominated the discussion. Maybe I put up my negative points so cleverly that those didn't look like so negative as she had imagined. We also sat at Jangpara with Khitij Da and Ramen and had tea. On reaching home, she told about recording the points, I loved it.

31 July'20 - A separate blogpost is written on this.

9 August'20 - The first big step for marriages was taken today. Nina's parents came to our house for tea. Maa only had most conversation. I and Moina provided tea and snacks. Although we insisted marriage in 2020 itself, they pushed till 2021. One reason being the 2-year anniversary of Nrittyanjali. This was the first ever family persons' visit on marriage purpose.

11 August'20 - First outing beyond local area with Nina & others; initially with Moina and alone with Nina while returning. While dropping her, I sat at her home for sometime. 

29 August'20 - First outing beyond local area with Nina to Barpeta Xatra for her work with Sattriya Corner. Let it be the starting of a positive trend of me helping her work and she helping mine.

26 October'20 - On this Bijaya Dasami day, our marriage date has been formally decided to be 18 January 2020

Was that an exciting story? For public consumption- I don't think. But it is exciting for me since I am one of the main protagonists. Until today, there has not been a single negative point detected in the whole story. To make the the story public with a twist, a marriage invitation video has been prepared in the form of a story. Just now I confirmed the final version with Tariq, the video maker and I can't think of a better time to publish this post. 

The Marriage Decision

 Finally, I am writing this.

This post has a documentary purpose as well. I am still thinking whether I should separate the story and the decision into two separate posts. Hmm.....let's see. [I have decided to separate]

So finally Zing is getting married with Ms. Nijara Nath.

Decisions:

1) Family favourite: With the previous experience and my value system about family, I am 100% convinced about Nina ('Ni'jara 'Na'th) on this point. Maa has been initiating this for last 1-2 years, first by Jyotsna bai and then through Dharma khura. Knowing Dada's apprehension, he would be super happy with this. Moina is neutral, but, she has been enthusiasitc as well. On the otherhand, Nina would be able to handle Bou, Maa, Dada in the 'village' way they might be expecting. 

2) Being independent: This has been my primary requirement for choosing a bride. However, I have settled with the word 'potential to be independent' here. Nina has all the potential for being independent (she knows driving as well -:). With her MBA in HR she can easily get a job wherever I live irrespective of industry. Her interest and current engagement with Nrittyanjali may lead her to an entrepreneurship venture, which might not happen to me in this life. These two factors have successfully supressed the fact that she is not doing 'anything' now to earn a significant sum on regular basis. Her attitude for being independent is positive as well.

3) Look (read as height): Nina's height is a super aww factor. Although I would have expected some more flesh/muscle in the body, her height has overpowered all other aspiring aspects. Is the sexual orientation of the woman an issue? In that case, that would be an issue for me also. Ha Ha! Is she beautiful? Beauty has never been my priority and I find her prettier than many. But her height--baapre!

4) Age: I still remember how I avoided younger girls in the initial days. For last 3-4 years, I have taken the complete opposite stand. You may term me as selfish as I have become quite old now. The other logic is that those 'younger' girls are also old (read as mature) now. With Nina, the gap is of 9 years. She is in 27-28 range, which is exactly what I was expecting. 

5) Proximity to home: This is another factor that took 180 degree turn from my childhood imagination. I always wanted to marry someone from distant places. But recently, considering my stay outside home and the amount of work I bring each time I visit home, I started considering proximity to in-law's house as an aspiring component. Nina is again spot on in this case, except the fact that Nichinta is heavily influenced by human- elephant conflict.

6) Different profession : For last couple of years, I have been on this point. The main objective is to bring some spice, risk, enthusiasm in daily life, even if finance part need to be compromised. Classical dancing is amazing from that point of view. This is also a great extra-curriculur. I am just worried about the monetary part, but this is the 'risk' factor. The good points are the fall back option (MBA) and the potential (Dance studio, Arts fellowship). 

7) Minimum disruption - I am still not sure whether I wanted minimum disruption through marriage or not. Since I am not doing anything significant, a big disruption through marriage would also been welcome. With Nina, disruption would be minimal. We belong to the same place, similar economic conditions, same school, common acquitances, same middle class (sometimes aspiring) thinking. I might not need to put so much effort in handling her, which will allow me to concentrate on other things. And, I can continue with my middle class mentalities -:)

8) Family: If I term everything rosy rosy, it would not be fair. I have no complaints in Nina's family, but there might be negative points. First, I saluted her parents for not continuing with 3rd/4th child in search of 'boy' child after first two were girls. That brings so much of respect of the couple. Also, their profession of teaching commends respect from the society. The compatibility of Maa/Dada with her parents is a super positive factor while thinking about family. The fact that Nina is not single child is another comforting factor. Absence of any son might lead to some issues of taking care when they become really old. Nina's sister is not so much convenient in handling as per the initial reports recieved. Factors like economic condition, knowledge level, reachability, materialistic desires, relatives - there were scopes of improvements. But I always believe, seemingly negative points turn out to be positive points with time. I am hopeful. 

9) Virginity: I am just thinking should I even mention this point. Although I have never asked, it seems like Nina has not still engaged into any physical relationship. She does not know many things and from there I have inferred that. She was in relationship for several years, but, not sure about the extent of this. I don't know it would be a good point or bad. One thing is sure that I feel 'little' guilty for not being virgin before marriage for the first time after meeting her.

10) Cooking: Let's not even write this; I will continue my pathetic cooking with the ideology that food is not something to give importance in life. However comforting factor is that Nina has promised to take the lead in daily coooking

11) Respect for 'my time': Nina has heard my name since childhood. I can see the respect in her eyes for what I am and what I think and do. Hence, I expect she would not obstruct my freedom of 'my time'. The trust that I have a self life and need to spend time on my type of work - I am sure Nina would respect this. This maybe the call of my 'masculanity' by which I want Nina to give some kind of respect, leave me alone in some instances and help me in my endeavours. 

12)  Arranged Marriage: I always had a fantasy for arranged mariage. It might be because I never loved anyone wholeheartedly, or, my definition of proper love has always been the flowery-novel-princess type. Although I had been attached to a few females, I never thought of marrying anyone, except in 1/2 cases. My focus on career is another reason. So, in the whole duration, I thought God will arrange me a super perfect bride. As I become 32, I realized God is not coming to rescue me. Hence, I became more inclined to 'know someone and ask parents to talk' type mood. Marrying someone about whom I don't know anything was a fantasy earlier; the more I know about myself, my middle-class nature and egos, I think that will be a disaster. I must know the person for some time before marrying. Nina exactly fell into that category. With the intervention of Dharma khura the slow pace of possible love got instantly converted to arranged marriage in my case. Hance, you may term this either arranged or love.

Let me write this story in the next post!