The Marriage Decision

 Finally, I am writing this.

This post has a documentary purpose as well. I am still thinking whether I should separate the story and the decision into two separate posts. Hmm.....let's see. [I have decided to separate]

So finally Zing is getting married with Ms. Nijara Nath.

Decisions:

1) Family favourite: With the previous experience and my value system about family, I am 100% convinced about Nina ('Ni'jara 'Na'th) on this point. Maa has been initiating this for last 1-2 years, first by Jyotsna bai and then through Dharma khura. Knowing Dada's apprehension, he would be super happy with this. Moina is neutral, but, she has been enthusiasitc as well. On the otherhand, Nina would be able to handle Bou, Maa, Dada in the 'village' way they might be expecting. 

2) Being independent: This has been my primary requirement for choosing a bride. However, I have settled with the word 'potential to be independent' here. Nina has all the potential for being independent (she knows driving as well -:). With her MBA in HR she can easily get a job wherever I live irrespective of industry. Her interest and current engagement with Nrittyanjali may lead her to an entrepreneurship venture, which might not happen to me in this life. These two factors have successfully supressed the fact that she is not doing 'anything' now to earn a significant sum on regular basis. Her attitude for being independent is positive as well.

3) Look (read as height): Nina's height is a super aww factor. Although I would have expected some more flesh/muscle in the body, her height has overpowered all other aspiring aspects. Is the sexual orientation of the woman an issue? In that case, that would be an issue for me also. Ha Ha! Is she beautiful? Beauty has never been my priority and I find her prettier than many. But her height--baapre!

4) Age: I still remember how I avoided younger girls in the initial days. For last 3-4 years, I have taken the complete opposite stand. You may term me as selfish as I have become quite old now. The other logic is that those 'younger' girls are also old (read as mature) now. With Nina, the gap is of 9 years. She is in 27-28 range, which is exactly what I was expecting. 

5) Proximity to home: This is another factor that took 180 degree turn from my childhood imagination. I always wanted to marry someone from distant places. But recently, considering my stay outside home and the amount of work I bring each time I visit home, I started considering proximity to in-law's house as an aspiring component. Nina is again spot on in this case, except the fact that Nichinta is heavily influenced by human- elephant conflict.

6) Different profession : For last couple of years, I have been on this point. The main objective is to bring some spice, risk, enthusiasm in daily life, even if finance part need to be compromised. Classical dancing is amazing from that point of view. This is also a great extra-curriculur. I am just worried about the monetary part, but this is the 'risk' factor. The good points are the fall back option (MBA) and the potential (Dance studio, Arts fellowship). 

7) Minimum disruption - I am still not sure whether I wanted minimum disruption through marriage or not. Since I am not doing anything significant, a big disruption through marriage would also been welcome. With Nina, disruption would be minimal. We belong to the same place, similar economic conditions, same school, common acquitances, same middle class (sometimes aspiring) thinking. I might not need to put so much effort in handling her, which will allow me to concentrate on other things. And, I can continue with my middle class mentalities -:)

8) Family: If I term everything rosy rosy, it would not be fair. I have no complaints in Nina's family, but there might be negative points. First, I saluted her parents for not continuing with 3rd/4th child in search of 'boy' child after first two were girls. That brings so much of respect of the couple. Also, their profession of teaching commends respect from the society. The compatibility of Maa/Dada with her parents is a super positive factor while thinking about family. The fact that Nina is not single child is another comforting factor. Absence of any son might lead to some issues of taking care when they become really old. Nina's sister is not so much convenient in handling as per the initial reports recieved. Factors like economic condition, knowledge level, reachability, materialistic desires, relatives - there were scopes of improvements. But I always believe, seemingly negative points turn out to be positive points with time. I am hopeful. 

9) Virginity: I am just thinking should I even mention this point. Although I have never asked, it seems like Nina has not still engaged into any physical relationship. She does not know many things and from there I have inferred that. She was in relationship for several years, but, not sure about the extent of this. I don't know it would be a good point or bad. One thing is sure that I feel 'little' guilty for not being virgin before marriage for the first time after meeting her.

10) Cooking: Let's not even write this; I will continue my pathetic cooking with the ideology that food is not something to give importance in life. However comforting factor is that Nina has promised to take the lead in daily coooking

11) Respect for 'my time': Nina has heard my name since childhood. I can see the respect in her eyes for what I am and what I think and do. Hence, I expect she would not obstruct my freedom of 'my time'. The trust that I have a self life and need to spend time on my type of work - I am sure Nina would respect this. This maybe the call of my 'masculanity' by which I want Nina to give some kind of respect, leave me alone in some instances and help me in my endeavours. 

12)  Arranged Marriage: I always had a fantasy for arranged mariage. It might be because I never loved anyone wholeheartedly, or, my definition of proper love has always been the flowery-novel-princess type. Although I had been attached to a few females, I never thought of marrying anyone, except in 1/2 cases. My focus on career is another reason. So, in the whole duration, I thought God will arrange me a super perfect bride. As I become 32, I realized God is not coming to rescue me. Hence, I became more inclined to 'know someone and ask parents to talk' type mood. Marrying someone about whom I don't know anything was a fantasy earlier; the more I know about myself, my middle-class nature and egos, I think that will be a disaster. I must know the person for some time before marrying. Nina exactly fell into that category. With the intervention of Dharma khura the slow pace of possible love got instantly converted to arranged marriage in my case. Hance, you may term this either arranged or love.

Let me write this story in the next post!