30th June 2014 - Just before first day at McKinsey

[Suddenly came across this word document today;Alas, I could not write my 'First day at McKinsey']

Its 11-23 PM, 30^th June. Tomorrow is my first day at office and I am forcing myself to go to sleep as I really want to enjoy tomorrow. My two assignments are due 3^rd July and I am yet to finish those. This has been a terrible start of my Amsterdam chapter so far. To be frank, I am not feeling even a bit of excitement of working for the biggest management consultancy firm in the world. My brain is filled with Bodoland and Indo-Pak comparison.

In absence of Power Adapter and Internet, pen & paper are the only means of writing assignment

Anyway, hopefully tomorrow will be a great start. After going through the email detailing the day’s schedule, I was like wow! I am meeting Johanna tomorrow- not sure whether I should prepare anything.

I am trying to cool myself telling that no way I am going to work full time here. So, there is no need to get stressed. Enjoy your time in McKinsey- this will just be another bullet point in your CV. I read a tweet today- Don’t confuse you activities with your success. Hmm, no, I won’t. I have a different goal and I know what I want.

22nd May 2015 - Without an option

So, the day has come when I have run out of all my options. I played my last and 'almost certain' two cards- JSPG and CFBI. For the first one, there is no reply from the other side even after a followup (and poor me thought the VC will jump out of his chair when he will see my email). For the second, the Glassdoor review has opened the unknown angle that over-enthusiastic and option-less Manjit was trying to ignore with CFBI.

So, where am I heading now? No clue to be honest. Here are the other status:
a) OPML- no reply after the Skype call and I don't foresee any activity.
b) Assam CCSD project- no word from Assam government. After the change in central fund allocation ratio for centrally sponsored schemes (CSS), I am doubtful how much the state government would be willing to pursue this project now, before 2016 election.
c) Word from Vikram Chand- No chance as CCSD is not going further.
d) Conversation with Bent/Alex- highly unlikely that they will want me there with them, maximum there can be offline research.
e) National Project Manager, UNDP- the conversation with Kamakhya Tasa was of no use; expecting something from UNDP without reference is like expecting miracle.
f) Talk with Lauren for East Timor: No followup from Lauren after repeated asks.
g) Talk with Rahul for BBNL and Skill Development: Negative.
h) Talk with Prodyut Bora: The meeting is due, but I am least interested.The salary component will be a mess.
i) Talk with Rajiv P Bora: Absolute non sense.

Trying hard to smile after humiliating myself by waiting for 6 hours at Assam Secretariat without success

Ha, Ha! Never in my wildest dream, I thought situation will reach this level. I could have still enjoyed this, if my daily routines were regular. The painful part is that my daily stuffs are breaking-

a) No electricity for longer hours due to frequent storm.
b) The laptop issue- even after spending 5K the problem remained, the charger- adapter is also gone, and unavailable in Goalpara after 4 unsuccessful attempts, the switch (in the board) to laptop is not working. Imagine life without laptop!
c) Household works stretches- Mistri went missing for several days, searched after traveling 30 KM.
d) Only I and mother at home, Maa unwell.
e) 'One Last Question' is winning lot of awards and I don't know how to react and how to take this forward.
f) Inverter damaged, Car broke down, pending library work.
g) The inquiry from people at Agia has reached the zenith; it seems they are the most frustrated ones for me sitting at home.

I am so excited to see what's next now for me. Wow, uncertainty!

Zingism from Oxford time

[Most of the following are invented while preparing for examination]

1. Uncertainty is inherent and this is not bad. The main point is that there is nothing called 100% certain in the world. Hence, the fact that ‘not certain’ does not mean a credible issue on part of that person. 
2. In public life- either you get subverted by other’s opinion and you subvert others with your opinion. Hence, you have to decide – where you will subvert others by glorifying your ideas or you yourself get subverted. 
3. Computer and Philosophy, Life story writing- are some courses/combinations I often imagined while being student. After Oxford, I believe any wild fantasy of human being can be real at some other parts of the planet; there can be anything that you imagine. 
4. In the mentality to run away from the problem, we forget/don't dare to think of overpowering the whole scenario towards our side. Nice corollary is the stupid sexist advertisements; nobody wants to see a condom ad in prime time television; but how a cash-crunch Assamese TV channel survive without advertisement money? 
5. Examination is NOT a test your knowledge on the whole subject and this should nver be the case well. Learning is completely different from examination; many a times examination is just a liability or a ‘bureaucratic’ thing only. 
6. To develop the habit of going into nutty-gritties or the technicalities when someone is talking about an idea, can be developed by learning computer programming.  
7. You should always do what you are passionate about. But to get to what you are passionate about (say, adviser to government), sometimes you need to spend time in other places as the preparation to the ultimate destination (say WB, Private sector).  
8. Why women are not there in top position around the world?                                                Ans:    When a boy is born, he was only shown a staircase. But for a girl, there is always an escalator to go the top. Women are to choose between these two, and most choose NOT to wank through the staircase. "Lean In" can be described as a first step for a woman to break the stereotype. 
9. Sport is all about unity and emotion; it teaches people how to manage failures. 

   

   Thinking Zing

10. Good tips for communication:
• Start with ‘I have a different accent of North eastern state, please interrupt and ask if you find any issues'
• ‘Can I ask a technical question?’- if you need to go into details.
• When there is silence or towards the end, ask the presenter to tell about his life story which can inspire the audiences.
11. Research idea for winning noble prize:   Until now I have been able to get the realization why everyone is right in this world and there is nothing called right or wrong. But still it does not help me in certain scenario from getting worried. So, whenever I face some worrisome situation in life, should I resort to a framework or pattern of thinking that will help me every time. Let me try:          

•  Play with your whole body : As there is nothing called right or wrong, it is legitimate to play with you whole body to get what you want to achieve and which will make you happy 
• Will develop the framework later

Looking back 2014

[Created on 3rd February 2015 at home in Agia]

2014 was incredible from many angles. I started the year in a setup which was completely different from the way I ended the year. Here are some events (spanning couple of days) that made the year memorable and worth for what it had been imagined.

1. Started the year with Alvaro’s visit- again thankful to be out of IT. Particularly the discussion between Alvaro and Manuj—thank you God I am no more in IT. 
2. My learning- I developed my writing with the BSG blogs- I have confident on my writing now. The preparation for the summative assignments convinced me that I have not yet given up the book-worm character. Yeah, my public speaking has also improved and credit goes to the Oxford setup, the numerous discussions and training amidst a set of brilliant public speakers. I have started thinking public speaking is an art with drama, emotion, role-play etc. Also, I have learnt to slow down myself in speaking, decision-making, excitement. I also learnt what critical thinking and intellectual discussions are.
3. Meeting new people- this reminds me of Radheshyam khura’s pride to know famous people. Being from Agia and not knowing a single ‘big’ people, whenever I set to meet a famous personality, my self confidence used to go low. But 2014 witnessed me talking, convincing and impressing many personalities such as Maneka pp bora, Manisha Nair, Wahid da, Parthajeet da, Joseph Nye, Yoginder Choudhry, Anshuman Rajkhowa, Sunil Deodhar. I believe I have developed that art more or less. 

   

   Posing after successfully running 8K with Erica and Felipe

4. Attending various activities such as learning Spanish, part-time money making by psychology tests or giving interviews, running 8K without preparation with Erica and Felipe, mafia playing, punting, Roaming with Intan in Amsterdam, Visiting Ghent, using the ‘navigate’ feature of the McKinsey Blackberry, attending Gay Bride parade, visiting Aachen(a German diary !), visiting Brussels,  meeting Priya and Bhagat Da in their land, getting associated with Sukrya Da for Sal tree festival , attending the NGO coordination workshop at DC office made some great memories for 2014.
5. News addiction- this was troubling many a times, particularly when I had assignments or exam along with a fast internet connection. After following Delhi election and AAP’s rise, my desire to be a politician reached the peak. I spent hours after hours, thinking how I would give a political interview, how I would galvanize the voters in West Goalpara assembly constituency etc etc. The Modi fever and BJP’s spectacular victory in national election also consumed huge portion of my time and energy. 
6. Koyel and Geetashri dominated my thought process during the last year. But 2014 witnessed both of them slowly vanishing from my thoughts. Both got married in the year. Geetashri really helped me in UK, starting from the very first day. I met Koyel in November when I visited Aizawl. She has changed, the world has moved on. But the interesting fact is that there is not a single woman that dominated my thought process in this whole year. 
7. Taking Maa to Oxford is one of the biggest things I did in the last year, in fact, in my whole life. For an aspiring middle-class educated woman, visiting a foreign country is a strong core dream. I thank God that I could manage her travel and stay, of course with help from Geetashri (the travel partner) and Dada (the Visa interviews etc). 
8.  The decision to be part of the BSG book preparation was a great one. I am mentioning this specially because it taught me how not to get frustrated, how to nudge, how to follow-up, how to do pre-mortem, how to rejuvenate the energy and lastly, how a small group of people can make a world better led, served and governed. Aaron is an absolute master piece, happy to get associated with him.
9. “Happiness with food” has always been a concept I didn’t want to digest. But during Oxford days, after eating the English food all day, after getting exhausted in the lessons and assignments, the daal, potato fry and rice that I cooked in the evenings, made me awesomely happy. Even the poundlane shopping for the snacks gave me so much energy to study, read and reflect. During the Amsterdam days, watching Atanu Bhuyan’s Manthan and cooking was the happiest thing I used to do in the whole day.
10. 2014 will be remembered as Airline disaster year. Some dangerous crashes such as shooting down the Malaysian aircraft near Ukraine(just after the day I booked my return ticket in a Russian aircraft), the shocking MH370, which could not be traced until today are worth mentioning. I took amazingly huge interest in all these incidents. I remember my day started with searching information for MH370 and ended with the same. The NG series dramatizing the old Air crash investigations took lot of my time as well. 
11. Taking exam after many days- it reminded me of HSLC days, the AIEEE preparation –oh my God! This was indeed a big event of the year. And, I did fairly well (per my standard). The exam tradition at Oxford made the event even more memorable. But I realized I have matured a bit to handle the ‘exam pressure’ compared to the old days. Nevertheless, I still get the pressure and have not been able to become 100% pressure-proofs. I also remember the sadness I had after finishing the final assignments on 31^st August. Alex had been awesome to take printouts and submit all the assignments. The final result card came on 3^rd October. This probably first time when the result did not really matter much. Then after much deliberation (mainly for not getting any post-MPP engagement), I decided to opt for “degree in absentia”. 
12.  Crowd funding for “One Last Question” , convincing people to become producer, giving the interview to oxford Wall of faces for the movie, dubbing the dialogues with Prathamesh’s second Assam visit are a few interesting incidents of the year related to the movie. When first time I saw the rough cut, it has been a matter of happiness and satisfaction that I dared to make the movie when Prathamesh first offered. 
13. Professor Paul Collier’s lecture on norm, identity and narrative influenced my thought process. In fact, his teaching style was so unique and interesting that I often miss his charming words. The concept of ‘belief system of society’, ‘how to become a developed nation from a underdeveloped nation’-I used a lot in later part of the year. First time in life, I have found some awesomely interesting teachers – Tom, Maya, Monica, Adam, Clare, Ivan, Peter, Atif are some of the brilliant and skilful teachers that anybody might dream to have. 
14. The mad mad days just before leaving Oxford and first days in Amsterdam- the YPP application, UNDP application, two assignments, numerous dinners, saying Goodbye to people, packing up, losing the diary for 2 weeks, storing the memories- OMG, how did I manage?
15. The momentum for coming back India was complete in Amsterdam days. My daily lifestyle, type of work completely convinced me that I should go back. I spent hours after hours pondering all the options of staying back as I had the option of informing McKinsey about a permanent employment. I remember spending time near canals alone, eating chips & ice cream and trying to persuade me for a foreign stay. Finally I bought the return ticket on 16^th July. So, the decision to come back India was not an emotional one, but a very thoughtful one. The diary pages for Amsterdam days are good testimonies for that. I must mention the uncertainty regarding employment after coming to India did bother me a lot. 
16. The UNDP job and my efforts- this is one of the biggest failures plus learning of 2014. It started in Oxford time with Linda, Ngaire, Anne etc, continued in Amsterdam via Wahid da and ended in my Delhi visit – huh! Wahid da has been a crucial player who took the struggle to a completely different level by bringing in Madan Bezbarua and many others. I even contacted Helen Clark and managed to get her reply as well. Satyakam’s contact Yoginder Chaudhry gave some hope in between, but later became unsuccessful. I attended quite a few interviews in 2014 including the World Bank one and then by McKinsey. The later part of the year witnessed a few more such as CFBI and Twitter where I was interviewed by their global VP. But more than interviews, the lobbying for jobs (for example the UNDP one) that I will remember when I would recollect 2014. 



Home shifting

17. Home construction, the chaos, the money management, the learning, researching about grill and glass, the measurements with Jamal and Yousuf, the decisions not to proceed (say the front grill construction, no carpet) and finally shifting to the new house on 24^th September - I was glad I were able to witness this experience. Sending money from outside is a different game and actually managing the stuff on the ground is entirely different.. Constructing a house is indeed one of the biggest deliverables (!) of human life. 
18. The September Delhi trip was vividly memorable for my time management, meeting many people, putting an end to UNDP dream- read the diary pages- I have written down in details. The routine changed just the day after reaching back Assam- the September 23 flood. What a turn of events and my focus area! 
19. Visiting Aizawl again for receiving the Xomidhan e-Northeast award has been a cheerful and nostalgic event of 2014. After meeting all the old people, visiting different places of memory, I felt the warmth and love for me by the people. Hot news such as Sawma’s job in Mizoram Rural bank, Koyel’s indifferent attitude, Saikia da’s kisses are worth remembering. 
20. Getting associated with Purbanchal Social Circle post the September flood and undertaking the Joint Livelihood project are most significant event that completely consumed my time and energy in the last two months of 2014. I took that as an opportunity to contribute to the people devastated after flood, save my agony and redirect my energy, as well as to understand the problems of ‘my people’ from very close.  I thoroughly enjoyed the whole experience; even I spent the whole day of 31^st December by doing house-to-house survey of the second phase.

         Thus. the year came to an end. 

Moments to remember: 

•  27^th February: Moina’s result- the supreme worrisome and the most important factor for last 3 years. Aha- what a relief!
• 8^th March: the 5 hour long chat at Intan’s place, after which I made some amazing friends –Alex, James, Intan and Quingling. 
• 18^th March: after answering the question on software profession’s bandwidth in the Major Program Management module, Bent asked, ‘would you like to work with me?’  
• 8^th May: Moina got into IRMA, shooting for oxford wall and starting day of crowd funding. 
• 6^th May: BJP’s spectacular win in India's national election. 
• 21^st June: Closing dinner in Oxford, Wishberry campaign reaching the target. 
• 8^th July: Visiting Anne Frank’s house; anybody who writes diary regularly, it is a moment to reflect upon. 
• 10^th July: Jaw dropping experience after visiting Sex museum and red light district with Intan.
•  8^th Sept: The homeward journey from Amsterdam.
• 17^th Sept: Getting inside the Suzuki  manufacturing plant illegally with Kailash and was almost got caught. 
• 30^th Sept: Going in search of Kakoli with Pranjal & Munmi and finally seeing her. 
• 14^th Oct: First time, audio dubbing experience in a studio for ‘One Last Question’. 
• 1^st Dec: Attending Agru’s marriage and meeting Paule, Mirani, Salil, Topi--- it was such a different setup, I took time to adjust. 
• 10^th December: Finding Aziza Hasina on Facebook; she is mother of a kid today.

Let me end this by the following lines that I wrote while coming back at Amsterdam airport:

I was one of the millions of expats who migrate for better education and comfortable life when I left India a year ago. If Oxford education has taught me one thing, that is to shift from ‘comfortable’ to ‘meaningful’. As I am closing an interesting chapter of my live biography, I wonder how difficult it has been to nurture this new perspective being from a middle class Indian family. Today my homeward journey starts with a quest for meaning; the uncertainty and the smell of motherland are only adding flavours to the reverberation of my newly acquired optimism.

Analysis of 2013

[Written on 2nd January 2014 at University College, Oxford]

2013 is over (already in India, after some hours in the UK). This was my year- I dared to dream and dreams became a reality. I got many things without asking or expecting. This year was like 2003- I can easily divide into three parts. Till August 13- I had a different life, then some crazy days at Agia and then again a completely different life in Oxford from 25th September. The best part was obviously the days in Aizawl. I found happiness, friendship, love, success- almost everything in Aizawl.

Part one:
The year started on a bad note until March. The career issues of sister and sister-in-law brought a negative vibe into our family. Everybody acted in wrong ways, including me. I wrote my apprehensions about admission several times in diary until 1st March, the day when I completed my BSG interview satisfactorily. After that, things went fine with me at least. The admission result on 14th March, scholarship result on 6th May, my resignation on 22nd May- events were coming the way I expected. I went to Jorhat for Debaroon’s marriage- awesome to meet Pegu and Digvijoy after so many days. The celebration of Rongali bihu in Aizawl- the responsibilities as publicity secretary, practicing for stage performance on husori and jhumur, the Sunday meetings, making the society website and finally the picnic, my love and respect for Assamese cultural society grew multiple times. I was excited to be accepted by all three leading universities of the UK- Cambridge, LSE and Oxford; compared with the blog posts of 2010, I thanked myself for continuing this voyage even after coming to Aizawl.

New year treat at my rented place in Aizawl

My great friend circle in Aizawl, regular outings, visit of Moina and Mridul, farewell treats and gifts, coffee place addas, Chandra’s Champaign treat with dosas, Burma trip, night stay at Reiek and the movie by Pranjal and Shamim, cancelled visit of Moha and family, my last day video shoots in the streets of Aizawl – unforgettable memories. I was fortunate to have friends who were ready to listen to me anytime, who loved me irrespective of the fact that I hide my Oxford voyage from them totally – Pranjal, Gyanashri, Taslima, Shamim, Pu Maka, Koyel – they are incredible people nowhere to be found. Even Sawma and his family, football and F1 talks with Sawma, the local Mizo people with whom I befriended- the shop kapi, cylinder kapi, advocate kapi, milk guy, the beautiful flower shop keeper, the girl next door – I really had a wonderful world in Aizawl.

At office too- first time I was saying ‘I love my job’. Really, I was truly happy working for the government. The acceptance of my funding proposals by DeitY and the World Bank, the funny work moments with Pu Muana and Pu Hmachhuana and my two laziest but dearest colleagues- Taslima and Pu Maka were simply amazing. The Delhi visits with Pu Muana, sharing the room with him, the meetings with the World Bank officials, modifying complex budget calculation of 12 crores within 2 hours, meeting Alamin, Kavita, Sumo- I was truly living my life. I will never forget the ways Simon and Vikram treated me once I break the Oxford news on our way to Reiek. I also can’t forget the surprised eyes of the ICT employees when they hear I got into Oxford University. There was reason why I always kept low profile, but nobody was smart enough to guess that, including the ones who helped me several times for appearing in interviews or in booking tickets.

I did bounce back on my non-profit and literary works in the part one of 2013. Annual report, financial audit and 4th anniversary of the trust, Xomidhan’s regular meeting and monthly stats, work with Axom Jatiyo Itihaax, visit of Devabrata Sir and baideu to Aizawl; in the literary front, writing two articles for FRIENDS, the publication of the Air India article on JAM finally and becoming the highest read article of all times, the policy article in Governance Now and finally the blog ‘From Agia to Oxford’ – I had a fantastic year in 2013. Not to mention the crazy stuffs such as helicopter ride, guitar class, earning 15K+ by selling stuffs, watching movie alone in Kolkata INOX, buying vegetables after going to a blind date, trying out Marijuana, 35 hour long Aizawl-Guwahati bus journey, sleeping in dormitory at Kolkata Visa interview-oh my God! If I read my diaries I was happy almost every day- it rarely happened to me earlier.

Bad things – why not? After all, this is Manjit Nath. A strong headache really troubled me many days in Aizawl. Thank God it did not turn out to be a regular phenomenon in part 2 and 3. Though I managed to stay away from relationships in 2013, I had many troubling moments in finally calling off a dreamy relationship that got momentum last year and was continuing since then. Arindam (Sutradhar, Tripura)long back convinced me with arguments that I possess a womaniser character. I hate to be like that, but one more girl entered into my life in 2013; the typical triangle case did not have any predictable future though and my zing controlled me at the right moment. I survived both the jolts; still maintain hi-hello with both the parties and there is absolutely no female factor in part two and three. Family woes too got stabilized towards the end of the year. Overall- I should not complain about 2013.


Part two:
It lasted for only 41 days, but those were some of the busiest days of my entire 29 year old life. Each day started at 6-00 AM and ended at 11-00 PM; ask me what a busy life is! There were two main reasons; first- we started constructing our new home after my admission thing resulted I need not take education loan. Constructing house is one of the biggest endeavours of human life and I got a slight flavour in those few days. Secondly- the movie by Krisang Motion Pictures! Have I ever in my wildest dream thought of a movie based on my life story? No, never. But it did happen, of course, many parties had to pay different prices. I will never forget the agitation by the Garo villagers objecting to our shooting on the day of DC’s visit, our auditions, managing the cook and Gopal Da and what not. Also some memorable incidents during those time—Maa’s accident, the trouble after losing all data from the hard disk and how Samir da helped, getting the RTI wala driving license after two long years and playing with BD. But in between those, I managed to visit Manikpur with Shyamsundar, attended friend gathering at Dudhnoi, took videos with Arup, took part in the facilitation ceremony at school, press meet at Goalpara, drove to-and-fro Guwahati multiple times to take sister-in-law to exam centre- God was great that I did not fall sick. I realized that I can fight with the world if my family is with me- I am such a family person and I feel great about that. Maa cried the day I left for Oxford, I was so emotional that I could not drive the car after 10 kilometres. I was leaving Agia, I was leaving my soul, I was leaving Assam, I was leaving India. That was a moment to remember – one average boy from Agia village was going to study in Oxford University. Today, I feel good and I feel motivated. I think I can do wonder if God is with me. I should try my best.


Part three:
I can’t think of anything memorable in the last 3.1 months. But from a different angle, every day was memorable. I learnt how to live in a different culture- my small little experiments to cook food, to save electricity, to save money and to save my country name. But I can’t compare these initial days with NIT days; Durgapur was worst with ragging and low self-esteem. Food is an interesting experiment here- I have captured my food experiments via my phone’s camera and I shall write about that sometime later. The school experience has been good. As usual, I am an average boy in the class. After high school I was always regarded an average boy, but something kept me motivated and I was able to pull the string at every stage. But I have observed I am not at all worried about this ‘average’ phenomenon in Oxford. May be I have grown up and I know when and where to focus now-a-days.

First attempts for cooking food

Visiting Newcastle was a different experience in monotonic oxford life. I have learnt hell lot of new stuffs and I must admit that. Also, in this part I am doing a lot of experiments with myself- do I love visiting a spectacular city or show, do I love to celebrate important moments with crowd or alone, do I feel happy with myself or with others, am I an introvert personality or extrovert. The new knowledge on Economics and Politics is giving me a different perspective to look at the affairs in India and Assam. I have started to think before opening my mouth.

To be frank, the part three of 2013 is making me an unsocial animal. The fact that I enjoy less attention (compared to part one and two) in Oxford might be a factor for my preference for seclusion. The other factor is that I need to study and take decision on a lot of things. After some deliberations, I have decided not to apply for PhD and not to apply to private consulting firms for jobs. I was worried a lot about the transition to student life before coming here. I suffered a bit, but easily bounced back. And, yes- there has not been a single crush in oxford until now- this is rather unusual for me.
As I am going end this blogpost (I am not sure where I should post this) I want to thank God for all his blessings throughout 2013. I want many more years like 2013- please God! Let me also wish good will of every honest person in the planet. As I embark into a year, I have lot of apprehensions, but I am confident there will be paths.

Signing off

Manjit

Why did I decide NOT to get associated with Liberal Democratic Party, Assam?

The sudden phone call from Durlov Baruah, a co-founder of Prodyut Bora's Liberal Democratic Party(LDP) was totally unexpected. This was first instance when I was approached 'seriously' by any political party. I had been following the developments of LDP and was quite aware of the happenings though. But my final decision not to join the party has following rationales:

1) Apprehension about Bora's motive: In the current political scenario of Assam (election in 2016, Akhil's new party etc) creating a new political party with some unknown faces, an English name and with complete absence from media, Prodyut Bora might be having a different idea in his mind. Of course, he is no fool to expect LDP will play a significant role in coming election. He might try to negotiate deals with other parties, which will give him upper edge, leaving the workers stranded. I should have met Bora once personally before assuming this, but I do not expect that he would share his game plan with me.
2) Disconnect: My conversations with Mr Durlov Barua clearly depicted his disconnect from the ground level issues. He has recently come back to Assam and I can only expect he would gain more knowledge as time goes. Prodyut Bora's disconnect is a well-known fact; I browsed through the profiles of a few others in LDP and failed to grasp the 'connection to ground' significantly (of course, with my limited knowledge). Social media and internet can't give votes, but issues and personalities do, in a place like Assam. I believe LDP will be a 'floating concept'- good for intellectual policymaking, but bad for winning elections.
3) Personal: I believe I need to prove my policy knowledge by working with an organization as I am just a fresh policy graduate now. Anybody can doubt my caliber at this juncture; from my experience so far, lower-middle class villager like me has to be super defensive as anybody will try to throw away my ideologies, just because I don't inherit a 'parental elitism'. Hence, direct politics ( does not pay also) is not on my card right now.
4) Media boycott: There is absolutely no news about LDP in Assamese media. Even the event of party formation (29th March 2015) was not featured in any newspaper/TV channel. I don't assume that LDP can't manage to publish a news, but it might have some other strategy. But whatever that strategy is, I believe this is wrong strategy (people don't take new party formation news very positively, but 80% unaware janata of Assamese society will not give credit to the subsequent news apprehending their earlier unawareness ). As Bihu is coming, Assamese TV media will stop showing debates as well- how will they find a platform?

Nevertheless, LDP is something I would love to keep track in future.

3rd April 2015 - When Twitter dinged me

So.. Twitter dinged me. The morning email brought shower of grief and demolition of dreams. It dinged after making me wait for more than four months. I feel like being fooled. Particularly after the January interview in Delhi, I almost did nothing except waiting. How can I be such a fool? A stupid, dependent character- a symbol I always hate to become.

Oh, I am tired. Tired of waiting, tired of dreaming, tired of expecting and living up-to expectation, tired of being an unemployed Oxford graduate, tired of running away from people's questions- I am tired of being myself.

The morning face

Twitter role would have been great and could have ensured my re-entry into the corporate world. The lone Public Policy Manager for India- it tells something. The fact that I reached the last round, interviewed by Colin Crowell himself - it also tells a story to myself. Yes, I am sad- not for the glory that the role would have brought, rather, the future pathways that this role might have created for me.

This is a crucial moment and I am trying to think what options I do have now-
a) CFBI- I am feeling least interested to apply for that role. The long gap, the office location, projects concerning states, package, absence from media, an NGO structure, slow (for last 3 months website reconstruction is happening), mostly young crowd are some important reasons for my decision.
b) Jindal University: I am again pushing myself to initiate a conversation with Mr. Raj, the VC. I am sure this will be a dynamic place and will be a different kind of experience altogether. After last six months, I seriously need a breathing space with intellectuals and thoughts. But this might as well be a risky proposition and I have to be very careful before initiating any conversation. Also, contacting the VC will be an insult to my previous ideology of not getting into private academia like Jindal. Am I ready to break  my old rules? Maybe yes.
c) Citizen-centric Service Delivery project at Assam: After my chat with Mr. Siddharth Singh yesterday, I am thinking optimistically on this. But the biggest worry is the time-frame. Nobody is sure when the project will get kick-off, if at all, it starts. I have waited enough, this is time for action.

I am trying to think- will Twitter's rejection turn out 'good for me' someday? I remember I was heavily and desperately frustrated after getting regret email from Young India fellowship in 2011. But two years later, Aizawl and Oxford turn out to be better options. Can I expect something on that line?

I apologize for being foolish and stupid. Please tell me how I could have behaved differently?

 ---X---

Appendices:
1) Final interview summary: [I wrote a few unfinished lines, but it got lost; no regret]

2) First interview (over Skype) questions:

• First he explains about the PP and the role in Twitter for around 10 min. HE emphasised this is just preliminary hi hello and will conduct 3-4 more rounds.
• Then ..are you from Delhi….where did you grow up.
• His Executive assistant’s parents are near of Nepal etc
• Did I go to public school?
• Then you come to Oxford…how was the Oxford experience. In the answer, I brought him, how we discussed about him
• Being from technology background…how did I find help while doing policy work in government consulting role?
• Time was running…do I have a question? I asked about the train and rail track analogy and how to regulate internet etc .
• He asked not to worry about the time lapse, might get back in the new year.