3rd April 2015 - When Twitter dinged me

So.. Twitter dinged me. The morning email brought shower of grief and demolition of dreams. It dinged after making me wait for more than four months. I feel like being fooled. Particularly after the January interview in Delhi, I almost did nothing except waiting. How can I be such a fool? A stupid, dependent character- a symbol I always hate to become.

Oh, I am tired. Tired of waiting, tired of dreaming, tired of expecting and living up-to expectation, tired of being an unemployed Oxford graduate, tired of running away from people's questions- I am tired of being myself.

The morning face

Twitter role would have been great and could have ensured my re-entry into the corporate world. The lone Public Policy Manager for India- it tells something. The fact that I reached the last round, interviewed by Colin Crowell himself - it also tells a story to myself. Yes, I am sad- not for the glory that the role would have brought, rather, the future pathways that this role might have created for me.

This is a crucial moment and I am trying to think what options I do have now-
a) CFBI- I am feeling least interested to apply for that role. The long gap, the office location, projects concerning states, package, absence from media, an NGO structure, slow (for last 3 months website reconstruction is happening), mostly young crowd are some important reasons for my decision.
b) Jindal University: I am again pushing myself to initiate a conversation with Mr. Raj, the VC. I am sure this will be a dynamic place and will be a different kind of experience altogether. After last six months, I seriously need a breathing space with intellectuals and thoughts. But this might as well be a risky proposition and I have to be very careful before initiating any conversation. Also, contacting the VC will be an insult to my previous ideology of not getting into private academia like Jindal. Am I ready to break  my old rules? Maybe yes.
c) Citizen-centric Service Delivery project at Assam: After my chat with Mr. Siddharth Singh yesterday, I am thinking optimistically on this. But the biggest worry is the time-frame. Nobody is sure when the project will get kick-off, if at all, it starts. I have waited enough, this is time for action.

I am trying to think- will Twitter's rejection turn out 'good for me' someday? I remember I was heavily and desperately frustrated after getting regret email from Young India fellowship in 2011. But two years later, Aizawl and Oxford turn out to be better options. Can I expect something on that line?

I apologize for being foolish and stupid. Please tell me how I could have behaved differently?

 ---X---

Appendices:
1) Final interview summary: [I wrote a few unfinished lines, but it got lost; no regret]

2) First interview (over Skype) questions:

• First he explains about the PP and the role in Twitter for around 10 min. HE emphasised this is just preliminary hi hello and will conduct 3-4 more rounds.
• Then ..are you from Delhi….where did you grow up.
• His Executive assistant’s parents are near of Nepal etc
• Did I go to public school?
• Then you come to Oxford…how was the Oxford experience. In the answer, I brought him, how we discussed about him
• Being from technology background…how did I find help while doing policy work in government consulting role?
• Time was running…do I have a question? I asked about the train and rail track analogy and how to regulate internet etc .
• He asked not to worry about the time lapse, might get back in the new year.