As I have completed one year in NSDC, things have stopped exciting me. The leadership crisis at the organization, the favoritism by CEO, absence of matured and intellectual colleagues, the absolute zero learning have turned me off completely. There are only two events that I am reluctantly waiting - election result+new Skill minister and the pay revision post appraisal, in the same order.
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| At Shubham's farewell party |
Election result is coming on 23 May. Earlier I had some imagination expecting HBS or Kamakhya Da might become a minister. Nothing happened. Exit poll by seven agencies has predicted return of NDA with clear majority. I just hope a dynamic minister will come, clear up NSDC's worthless top management and the new leadership will be unbiased for creating an employment led skill ecosystem. This particular event might bring back my energy and excitement.
The appraisal went well- I hope MSP will mark me 'High' at least. With the hike, if my CTC crosses 25L, it gives me an impetus for looking for another opportunity. Rather than extensive look out, I wish if some good opportunity just pops up out of luck.
Luck - ha ha! The astrology says from 28 May'19 onwards I would enter into 'Rahu' dasha, which is super awesome for me. Who knows something happens by luck only, for a change!
Range of diverse things are playing in my mind career wise- should I go out of India for a few years for job purpose (I even talked with Geetashri on this), what about again applying for Reliance-Stanford scholarship (I have kept the application page open for last one week, but I am still unsure whether I really need an MBA, that too at this hour of my life), should I start part time PhD in JNU/IIT Delhi etc, how about going for any foreign scholarship for 2-3 months, should I submit the book idea to some funder and fully concentrate on writing, if Kamakhya Da becomes BJP president in Assam, should I try for a assembly seat (forgot the after Oxford disaster), what kind of roles should I try in case I try for jobs outside NSDC, should I stay one more year in NSDC and try for promotion (but how is that possible with MSP in place), should I try to become PS to any minister in new Govt (will I get the salary amount as I am getting now), how about talking with Vikram for any opportunity in World Bank again --- lot of diverse things. You must be able to guess my present state of mind.
[although this post is put under Career label, let me write about personal stuff below to give wholesome picture of goallessness]
But if you are thinking turbulent professional life is killing me, you are naive. Everyday I am praying God that I would still take care of professional life, but please help me sort out my personal life. After Maa put a hold on Trish affair, my marriage thing completely became standstill. I haven't even met any girl in last 1-2 years that I really liked, or matches a few parameters the way Trish did. The relationship with her is in bitter stage as she knows I am coward enough to let this go because of my fear for my illogical mother. I am approaching 35; this is high time. If I have to get married, this is already late. But things are not moving and I can't even see a ray at the end of tunnel. To be honest, I don't know whether there is a tunnel. Everyone else is getting married (even Dibakar) or becoming parent (Pranjal, Mridul), and being single does not look cool now. I am losing this, seriously God. Help me out here, please!
To come out of the goallessness, some time I think of changing the rented house, buying a car, joining a Gym, going to dentist, doing nasty thing such as having sex with prostitute or taking drugs, buying a flat, writing an expose article, changing my hair/beard style, becoming office-bearer in Assam Association - hell lot of crazy thoughts. At the end of the day, I do nothing, sit idle at home, increase my blood pressure- such a waste of time. Taking Hypertension tablet has become frequent now.
Something is wrong. I am ruining time, my health, and maybe my life. How can I come out of this?
Is 28 May the turning point?
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