Capturing the decision making moments vividly

The for-and-against arguments for a decision making processes are forgotten later when things become routine. I am in the middle of a crucial decision making and let me pen down my thoughts for future reference. It is the decision about accepting the project manager role in MyGov Assam in the salary range they offered.

When Kuldeep Da and Mukunda Pujari Da informed me 18 L against my wish of 22 L, I was disheartened. But their body language was positive and I was optimistic too. Later they came out and told 19 L as final. I was 50:50 that time. Many things were running in my head (including the Flipkart offer) and I took a day to think.

At the first interview hall, with Himalay

I was in such a circumstance where none could advise me. Himalay was happy with 16 L and continuously pressurizing me. When told to Jahid Da, his body language was very submissive. Of course, that offered number was a figure many would crave for. Although I need some guidance, I did not find anybody whom I can share all these things. I thought of Amit Jain, Ishan, Manash (I did call him), but didn’t attempt. I was all alone and that was a terrible feeling. 

The bus journey from Ghy to Agia gave me ample time to think. I was able to come towards some concrete position. First position I took was to come out of 50:50 and be 90% ascertained about joining the role even in that salary. I almost decided. Now, the question remains- how to communicate? Should I just tell I am OK or should I make a last effort?

A.      Points for making last effort:

1.       The recruiting committee might have agreed on 20L since I communicated to both Pujari and Kuldeep Da via text while they were negotiating. This might be their trick to increase by 1 L, and if I walk out, increase by one more.

2.       Even if they don’t increase, last attempt will make them feel guilty and I will be on advantageous/dominating position.

3.       Although I told my salary is 15L currently, I have no proof to show that now. The guilt feeling of last attempt might make them agree to my 15L logic without complaining.

4.       I will carry the repent of ‘not asking more’ if I don’t make a last effort. Something that I could have while negotiating with NeGD if I were in a better position. Today, I am certainly in a better position to negotiate.

5.       Flipkart’s signal with 25 L package is a big diversion for sure

6.       The annual increase is only 5%. I have to do my health insurance by myself now. After MyGov Assam, searching for an India centric job might be difficult.

7.       ‘20’ is a better looking number than ‘19’. Rahul earns 26 (Meanwhile, heard Rahul is leaving since secretary left MeitY).

8.       MyGov Assam does have money to offer. It is just that my current salary is low.

9.       What’s the point of learning negotiation if I am not putting that into use?

B.      Points for not making any last effort:

1. No effort gives impression that I am committed for the cause of serving Assam, and not after money
2. I have to work with the same set of people; repeated asks for increase might irk them and have bad impression on me
3. They might react very negatively to my quoted 15 L figure justification and do something very bad
4. If they agree to my request, I will be in a non-negotiating terms, at least for next six months. Pujari, Jahid Da, Himalay etc might behave in a non-cooperating way as well.
5. There might be absolutely no way available to Kuldeep Da for any increase. If that is the case, it might make Kuldeep Da frustrated, who is going to be my manager.

The whole bus journey I kept thinking about the points and was not able to decide on whether the last effort to be made or not. I thought a good night’s sleep with bring fresh thought. Just after reaching home, I was pleasantly surprised by looking at the reaction of Maa, Bhini, Sukrya Da, Radhe Khura (he brought cake as well), Bhaiti Da, apart from Dada and Moina. Instantly I confirmed my earlier decision that I had to return to Assam for sure at whatever salary is given.

Still, A4 and A9 kept pushing my thinking process alive. 

Next morning, I decided to send an email to Kuldeep Da by 9-30 AM, so that he can discuss with the officials during office hours and get me a final thing by EOD. I brought the concept of ‘not money, but symbolic gesture’ in the email. Just before sending, Himalay called to inform about Kuldeep Da’s apprehension of me not joining for the role. Hewith his usual dialogues again forced me to accept the offer. Seeing me helpless, Maa intervened.  It was the conversation with Maa, two great points came up.

In simple language, Maa rightly told- Kuldeep and these people might not aware of the fact of hard negotiation which I am trying to do with my Oxford experience. So, he and his team might consider this negotiation process a bad precedence. [Oh, I seriously need a HR for doing negotiation].  Her second point – if I already decided to return, inform my decision to Kuldeep first, and then put forward the last request. Your ‘effort’ bit will be displayed by that email itself.

Mothers are wisest!

I modified the email accordingly. I started the email by conveying the decision that I am joining the team. Then I wrote about the logic of 19 and 20 in the light of symbolic gesture. I am sure any wise man will think thrice after reading the email.

--------------

It is 3-09 PM now (29^th June) and I still have not heard back from Kuldeep. I have no hurry as well. Let them take time, decide and come back. I am fine whatever reply he gives about the requested salary figure.

With people at BBQ, Guwahati

Let me write about some other things currently playing in my mind. I am yet not been able to decide how I should communicate the message to Premjit and Sunil Sir. They are very nice people; leaving them just before GCCS would be like putting them in a helpless situation. The logistic issues such as advance of rented place, the furniture, fridge etc are haunting me too. For the first time, I am feeling sad for leaving Delhi. One big fear is also there- I have never loved Guwahati (in fact, I hate Guwahati for the pain it causes to me during plus 2 years). Will I be able to break this emotion? Will the exclusivity of Manjit Nath go away by living in an ‘ordinary’ Guwahati? How will I deal with political minded people like Dipjyoti and Abhjit Das? Will buy-in of Himanta be required? What is my political ambition bubble bursts and result in complete negative? How to handle Himjyoti, Jhulan and also Himalay ? What if I become a failure with such lot of expectations from everyone?

The whole of second day passed without any response from Kuldeep Da. I conveyed to Himalay and others that I said yes. However, I did not do any follow-up because I was not going to take any steps until Monday. I prayed God to give me the strength to take a balanced decision. While praying I remembered the lines by Bruce Lee in the poster at Manas’s cubical: “Don’t ask for an easy life; ask for the strength to endure the difficult one”.

30^th June Saturday: I was not thinking anything until I saw a forwarded message from Kuldeep Da in the morning. I took the opportunity to enquire about my email to him. After 5 minutes, I got a call from Jahid Da.

Jahid Da started with a serious tone. It seemed Kuldeep Da called him to finalize discussion with me as he (kuldeep) was not able to decide the action items post my email. As I wrote earlier, even though I started my email with a big Yes, the email would make anyone give a serious thought on fulfilling my request. 

Jahid Da diverted my attention to two important points:
a. The recruitment committee is of the opinion that I might leave the job when I get a good opportunity. The more negotiation would led to the confirmation that I want to come just for money purpose and any good offer from outside would take my enthusiasm away
b. The more pitching from Kuldeep Da side will raise questions on the integrity of Kuldeep Da. It was Kuldeep Da v/s the whole recruitment team  aka political appointee v/s bureaucrats .

The two points are quite genuine. I made up my mind and informed Jahid Da accordingly. Putting Kuldeep Da in a fix will not do any good to me. In any case, I have already achieved what I wanted to do by that email. Hence, the loop can be closed now. The committee has not given any flexibility on 19 or 20; rather, Kuldeep Da needs convene the committee members once again to make them agree on 20. There is high chance that Kuldeep Da will be able to do this; but this difficult path taken by him (as well as by me) will raise multiple questions.

After the conversation with Jahid Da, I saw a whatsapp message by Kuldeep Da telling he tried his best and this time, it is 19 L only. I replied “Not a problem, let me know when should I join”. He became very happy; I also felt relieved. First Kuldeep Da told I might be getting the appointment letter by Monday and I would resign on that day. But later he told the formal letter might not come before 10th July.

In this way, my last attempt to negotiate ended. It is 40.74% increase from my last salary. Enough! Anyway, money making has never been featured in my todo list.

My probable return journey - how it started ?

Lot of things are happening, but I have not been able to manage time to write. I, however, put some hints in the last blog as things started happening from my last-to-last blog post which I wrote on eve of my last home trip.

From where should I start? Hmm, ok! While sitting at the house of Geeta baideu (Deiji baideu’s younger sister) on 18^th April, I got a sudden call from Kuldeep Gayan Da, OSD (IT) to the Hon’ble CM of Assam. He told whether I would be willing to relocate to Assam since he wants someone to lead MyGov Assam. I quickly made a call to Jahid Da to know the internal details. Since that day until today, Jahid Da has been the most useful resource in this who discussion.

The advt

I visited Guwahati on 23^rd with Rahul Bhini to meet Kuldeep Da at Secretariat. There has been a new room with cubicles constructed to house the MyGov Assam team. We sat there and talked for an hour. Jahid Da was also present for the first part. They wanted to recruit the MyGov Assam team via company empaneled with NeGD. However, two roles- project manager and social media analytics remained unfilled. Since Kuldeep Da knew me and Himalay from the previous project submission, he wanted to take a shot.

I basically conveyed 3/4 messages- recruitment should not be via company (or Amtron), but via Department of IT, freedom to work, availability of fund and resources to take local travel or host awareness camps(say), passion from Assam CM for the project. Mr. Gayan told yes to almost all; he also informed they are willing to pay upto 24 Lacs package for the role. I came back with utmost positivity. I was pleasantly surprised to find Jhulan Krishna Mahanta working for the tea as well.

The first thing I did after coming home was to re-write the job advertisement of the project manager position since the last JD was not matching my profile. I was sure there might be RTI at any point of time during recruitment and the whole process should be 100% transparent and legal. 

From that day until 23^rd June – this two month period witnessed continuous follow-ups, infinite calls from Himalay conveying different moods, multiple conversations with Jahid Da about his efforts to get information from Pujari Da and Meghangka, unstructured conversations with Ishan, Trishna and Kailash for taking care of my household stuffs in case I leave Delhi, the news of Himjyoti joining the MyGov Assam team, frequent checks of the flight and train tickets, back-n-forth planning with Moina whether I should donate my kitchen stuffs to set-up her kitchen in Goregaon, and of course, endless dreams in my sparkling eyes. The trips to Bangkok and Mumbai happened in between as well. 

The most difficult task was probably carried out by Kuldeep Da in terms of getting the administrative and financial approvals for the two said positions, make Amtron publish the JD in newspaper and websites, answering the uncomfortable questions from the bureaucrats with his limited capacity. Thanks to my NeGD experience that I was able to appreciate his efforts with typical government setup, which, later played crucial role in me accepting the offer made by the interview panel. That story will come in a subsequent post.

Finally, 28^th June was scheduled the interview day and the newspaper advt came on 24th June Assam Tribune. It was walk-in format of interview, which means you have no control how many people would turn up for interview. Flight tickets were expensive; I tried to book train tickets via Tatkal. I bought twice, it didn’t get confirmed. I witnessed the worst experience while trying to book train tickets.Finally, I bought both sides via flight. 

But God had separate plan to punish me for showing inclination towards train. Anyway, thus the foundation of my probably return journey to Assam was laid.

Jai aai oxom !

Bangkok Trip happened in between

Although I have an interesting update which directly relates to my last frustrating post on job dilemma, I want to write a few lines on the Bangkok trip, keeping a space for a new post later on the job update.

Well, the beginning was very sudden. On 18th May'17, Rafi (Kakar, Pakistan) sent a voice message on whatsapp asking whether I would be free and open for a Bangkok trip between 29th May- 2 June. It seemed Commonwealth Secretariat and nine UN agencies together would organize a policy workshop (evidence based policy making for the youth in Asia Pacific region) and my credential matches for an ideal participant. Well, before the expiry of my current passport by 30th July 2017, I thought this could pave the way for a third stamp on my passport.

With Indian participants

I submitted required profile information, Rafi pushed from his side and I got the final invitation letter on 23rd May'17. The tickets took 2 more days. Meanwhile, I got confirmation from Thai embassy that minimum 30 days of passport validity is enough to obtain Visa on arrival in Thailand. So, all set and I boarded the Jet Airways flight on 28th May second half.

The first observation- there was a long queue for visa on arrival and I was ready with 1000 Thai Bhat. However, the authority has created one more queue for applicants who are willing to pay extra 200 bucks without receipt. I find that open case of corruption. Priority counter is fine' but why without receipt? However, I opted for the corrupt medium.

The taxi system at airport was also unique. You need to take a receipt from a vending machine where taxi number will be written. The taxis run on meters (sometimes ask for without meter as well).  The drivers were not well equipped with English speaking and that was a problem.

The workshop was designed to consume most parts of the day, but I made a point to devote the evenings in Bangkok exploration. On the first day (29th May), I and the young legislator from Philippines (Jason) went to khao san road. It was kind of party street with lot of food counters and massage parlours.  I went for a massage (of body and neck, not oil) too in a parlour; unfortunately, one strong man came to do my massage. I didn't enjoy at all; in fact, my back got hurt as he was too strong. I was groaning with pain many a times, and Jason was smiling.

Meeting the Assam MP suddenly while shopping

Every day I walked from UN centre to hotel after the workshop got over. The temperature was like that of sweaty Guwahati, and I had to take bath after that 1.2 KM walk.The Larn Luang area was very decent. They have a Tesco type grocery store named 7-11. The meter taxis were much reasonable, compared to the Tuk-Tuks, which looked like our auto-rickshaws.

Second day- I and Rafi went out to explore the Red Light area at Nana. The infamous places are Gali number 4 and Soi Cowboy. These are basically bars where pole dancing happened by bikini/nude girls. You need to buy drink (or juice) to enter. Then if you want the girl to sit beside you or want to do ding-dong , extra charges will apply. Rafi told this place is very reasonable compared to other red light areas and people are also honest; the girls/bar owners don't force anything. We did enjoy pole dances. Not for a single second, I felt 'sexy' or something. Looking at the girls, I remembered the stories written by Homen Borgohain and felt pity for them. Even my father's glimpses came to my mind. I forced Rafi to leave that place quickly. We searched for an Indian restaurant and had good meal. Rafi also explained me his experiences of working with UN. The inflated sense of achievement, tertiary goals by UN instead of targeting the primary problems are the discussions that dominated our conversation.

Everyday, I start the day with heavy breakfast at the hotel. There was no provision of food (even no tea, biscuit) at the workshop venue. We had to buy our own lunches. For this, Commonwealth gave us some money in pounds. Since I carried sufficient Bhats, I made the pounds exchanged in Delhi airport while returning. The topic of discussions at the workshop were as usual type. There were lot of youth participants and I didn't find much to learn new, except getting to know different experiences of people from 11-12 countries. Some of the things I like, for example, finding the indicators for a youth policy drafting, how different countries perceive the role of IGOs etc. Although most of the discussions were in the form of PPTs, there were some of the break-outs as well, and I enjoyed those.

On third day evening, I went out with Lokashis Saha (he is the civil society representative from India, based in New Delhi). Out sole purpose was to do shopping at a place called Indra market. First we went to a mall named Platinum; but surprisingly the shops closed by 8-00 PM and we got hardly 10 minutes to explore. We had no other option but to take the streets for shopping. Lokashis was calculating every item in terms of Indian rupees, and that indeed helped me restrain myself. I tried to buy stuffs for the family members, as well some for the friends and colleagues in New Delhi. Our journey ended in a place where Lokashis's friend owned an Indian restaurant named 'India Gate'. He managed a free lavish dinner for us. We returned to hotel at around 11-00 PM.

At Asiatique

The organizer told the workshop formalities will get over by noon on the last day. On the final day, we basically had to rate the posters prepared by various countries. The Indian poster was not good at all; Sri Lanka was the best and they also got  the most popular poster prize. I liked the way the organizers distribute the certificates. Each of us were given one certificate of another person; you need to find out the person and hand over the certificate. This was really a nice way to end the workshop. I requested around ten people to join me for a Bangkok exploration; but everybody was busy chatting or doing other stuffs. I decide to 'ekla chalo re'. I took a map from the hotel (Royal Princess) and that helped a lot.

I took the ipad to take photos and first went to the Royal place as the gates close by 3-30 PM. Entry fees was 500 Bhat; but after witnessing 50% of the inside places are prohibited for entry, I think the entry fee  was too much. The sun was too bright, still I manged to take multiple photos. From the palace, I walked to Wat Phoo, the temple of reclining Buddha. The entry fee was 100 bhat. It was a gigantic statue of Lord Buddha in reclining position.

From Wat Phoo, I took the ferry to cross the river and reach Wat Aroon.There suddenly, I met Keely from Singapore who gave my certificate today at the end of the workshop. After Wat Aroon, I had two things to do - visit Asiatique and on-board Sky train, the metro of Bangkok. But both were situated far off. However, a study of the map suggested there might be river connectivity. I inquired and yes- there was ferry service to go to Asiatique from Wat Aroon at around 40 bhat. Wow! Advantage of roaming alone!

I and Kelley reached Asiatique, which is like Eat street of Hyderabad or our lunch place near the Wales parliament (during my visit to Wales). We had some food there, since both of us skipped lunch. It was a good place to sit. I learned about the work Kelley is doing in Singapore. From there, we took another boat (free service) to the nearby dock which is attached a sky train station ( Sakhan Taksin). Finally I boarded a sky train too; well, I found Delhi metro is much better.

Memories before throwing away

After getting down at Siam, I went to Central Mall, which is considered one of the biggest mall of the world. It even has Ferrari and BMW showrooms inside the mall. I had almost no time to explore. After covering less than 5% of the mall, I walked to the Platinum mall + Indra market (yesterday's destinations) to complete remaining shopping. First time, I felt myself to be so much shopaholic in Bangkok. I found the place to be cheap as well.

I returned to hotel by 9-30 PM as I had to catch an early morning flight. I could not manage to have dinner, but God planned that for me. Lokashis brought lot of food from a local market and requested me to join for dinner. I had a good chat with him. We also cleared the room rent etc. While I incurred zero extra money, he incurred around 500 bhat extra. I thought I am a very much rule abiding citizen.

Return journey from Suvarnabhumi airport by the same Jet Airways flight. Though it was quick, I think I managed to see a lot. I must thank Rafi for this trip as well.

Job dilemma, how much to 'consult' etc

[Couldn't publish the blog at airport as battery got dried, later no internet, finally publishing today]

I have been thinking on writing about this. Sitting at the airport waiting for my flight to Guwahati has given me enough time and space.

Do you remember my logic while deciding on returning to India leaving McKinsey?  Consultants can’t be the real impact maker; they can only consult, give advice, analyze data, but they can’t take decisions. I want to be a decision taker/change maker, not a helper.

Any get together with BSG folks question what am I doing

By the time, my condition forced me desperately pray for NISG result, all my logic about ‘consultancy’ was destroyed. I seriously needed a job and the ‘government’ quotient was more than sufficient to make me bite the bullet. 

But after spending more than a year, I should reflect back now. And the McKinsey logic so much relevant today. There are multiple dimensions here, let me try to put down:

1.       The so called career progression of Indian bureaucracy does not have provision for outside & contractual consultants. Department of Personnel has no clue how many consultants are there with different ministries, what they are doing, what’s their career look like (I did a RTI). Even within one ministry, recruitment happens in divisions/groups. So, the cohesive feeling never comes. Consultants only think for their particular group or project, not for the entire ministry/department. Even inside one department, nobody knows the career progression bit.

2.       One of the reasons for the above conclusion is the asymmetry in the objectives of the consultants and the management. The management, who are civil servants have zero incentive to think about the career plan for the contractual employees. They are measured against deliverables, where number of documents prepared by consultants may be one parameter.

So, one way of looking at this kind of role is to make money (short term consultancy pays lot of money, but recruitment happens mostly with contacts) or a placeholder for a few months. You just can’t plan a long term career. And, the high time is slowly coming for me to take an alternate path.

So, what’s next from NISG?

One possible role I was looking at the government affairs/public policy manager type of role in industry association or private sector. In fact, I was thinking very highly about those positions and making efforts. But the Global Conference on Cyber Space (GCCS) brainstorming meeting on 12 April changed lot of my perspectives. The meeting was attended by industry association (NASSCOM, FICCI, ASSOCHAM, ICA etc)  and people working in government relations type role (Ankhi Das of Facebook, someone from Microsoft etc), as well a few from NGO (Aspen Centre, ORF etc)

What these people are doing is not much different from what consultants do. Or, maybe brokers /lobbyists do. The verbal spat between the founding president of ICA and Facebook’s public policy director at the start of the meeting was a shocker. I didn’t find any of their suggestions praiseworthy. Even from ministry’s point of view, we did not call them expecting big knowledge. It was just to show inclusiveness and to get some money as sponsorship. If I really look from impact point of view, it was an eye-wash, with some spending of public money for tea/snacks. But wait, we will showcase that meeting as something ‘awesome’ and move file accordingly. The attendees were also given impression they are the experts and they are dictating government. It was a perfect case of win-win scenario.

Do I really want to get into those jobs? What’s the future for them? With no business knowledge, they are certainly not going to be CEO of a company. With no political background, they are not going to be people representatives. With no civil service, certainly, they are not going to an IAS too. So, after 3-4 years , they will switch the company and do the same things for another couple of years, and so on.

So, here comes probably the big issue of my career.

I am nowhere. I am not a software engineer (like Akash, Alvaro), not a public policy guy (like Rajat Shetty), not an MBA (all the private sector biggies), not an academia (no PhD), not been able to get a job in International org (Like Mehreen, Qingling etc). Which way should I go from here? Old people asked to stick to a domain (medical, engineering, lawyer etc), and I can see a point in that argument now. You have to tell people the area where you are an expert one day and also rise in that expertise area.

With the above thinking, I think should I apply for PhD now? Would I be a different person then? Or, MBA (Stanford-Reliance one again?), Alibaba’s AGLA programme, A job in WB etc would have been great. But job getting takes exceptionally long time for me.

Talking about jobs, I have applied for around thirteen jobs until now- NITI Aayog, Gates Foundation, Alibaba, MasterCard, Facebook, Twitter, Amazon, Catalyst, UN, IPE Global and so on. Except rejection from a few, I have not even contacted a single time. From my job searching experience post- Microsoft and post-Oxford, I am not much surprised though.  But the question remains- why?

Why I need to drag so long? What’s wrong in my profile? Is it the fact that the jobs I am applying does not care much about profile, rather contacts? This is a valid argument though. But how can I improve? NISG can’t rescue me all the time.

I had to go through my old pictures and blog from Harddisk yesterday to regain my confidence. I was feeling very low. Anyway, let's see. I hope this home trip will bring something.

Are you sure? Have you forgotten how many home trips you planned this way from Microsoft? Ha ha !

I am still at airport. It is 6-24 AM now. Flight is at 7-45 AM. But good bye anyway.