I wrote a blog earlier, last year, about the kind of qualities I look for in a woman whom I want to get married. That was written for a purpose of discussion, which never took place. The thought process and targeted 'beneficiaries' have also changed. Since yesterday, I have been thinking critically why I am biased towards a few things. One hour ago, I also learnt that Abhijit Banerjee, this year's Economics Noble winner, divorced his equally competent Indian wife to marry a German, his research assistant who is a co-recipient of this year noble prize. It seems the turbulence of personal life has little impact on professional accolades.
Let me attack myself critically.
Why I want an independent self sufficient woman? Whole my life (until now), I have been struggling to get settled. To be honest, I am tired of this struggle. I am yet not there where I needn't to prove myself. Constantly, I need to prove myself - to the seniors, to the batch-mate and to the world. This is because I have chosen a non-traditional path, and also because people has put me in slightly high pedestal. At this point of time, I only want a strong companion who knows how to take care of herself. Not only that, I must derive energy from her for my struggle. Am I not capable enough to carry out my own fight? Maybe yes. Then why do I want to depend on someone? Maybe, I am tired. But then the the big question will come- will I be happy if I get something without struggle? I have not been able to answer this as I have not got anything without struggle until now. But the truth is I get attracted towards smart independent woman (as simple as when I see any women driving a car). Since this attraction has to do with the thought process I have evolved over time, it would be difficult for me to suppress this emotion.
What about economic condition of the parents of the bride? Although I keep thinking myself as middle class- look at the house Dada and Maa have built - that's freaking big. Any woman coming from such a big house- I should not term as 'rich' then. It means I should be comfortable in dealing with woman from high middle class background. But the problem is about my personality -- I am quite lower middle class kind of guy. In a 24-hour window, if I have to keep explaining about my middle class behaviour to someone, it would be awkward. Will this behavioural issues lead to tension post marriage? Maybe the woman becomes exactly like me, or I changed as her. How about my family members not feeling comfortable with the other family members? Is that an issue at all? Siblings don't play much role, but I have to be happy, even if I don't consider Maa. How about a career move where I need to stay in Assam/Agia along with family members? The compatibility will not be limited to me and her then.
Look! I think I have a strong inclination towards tall girl and also girls having sizeable breasts/buttocks. Fashionable is not something I will be comfortable with, I think, although those women seems attractable at first look. Here, I am talking about spending entire life, not one night. Healthy, average Assamese good looking is fine. But am I ready to compromise look for career/independence ? This is a big question as I keep talking about career. I think I want look to a certain extent. Highly successful woman without average look- I will not go ahead.
Recently, I think I have developed 'younger to me' logic very strictly. The Pune lady who contacted me is having all the qualities, but I am not going ahead only for the age logic. How ironic is that - I remember I only liked elder women earlier. With time, I am knowing myself better, or, tastes are changing with requirements. I want someone to take care of myself in old ages, rather than I take care of her - how selfish I am! Maa said women can spend time alone in old age, men can't. I try to understand her logic- maybe she is right.
Should I marry someone from Agia around? I remember Mridul's declaration (Manjit can't marry beyond Agia,Karipara,Uportola etc), Dhiramoni's saying (Manjit marrying someone from Agia surrounding will give a sad message to his old crushes) and my own wish that I won't marry someone from nearby. Should I stick to this childhood notion, or should that change as well? From someone who wanted only virgin, I am ok with someone with multiple relationships now. Why then I have not been able to change my old notion of not marrying from neighbourhood?
That's why I keep telling God, please take lead in this decision.
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