20th September 2015 - One year and beyond

The biggest challenge these days is to keep myself motivated, optimistic and hence joyful. This is not easy when each day passes without a news, my 'deadline week' keeps changing week after week, a rejection email pops up after 4-day of 'no email sabbatical', my current projects require a break and when numerous questions are directed at me asking 'how are you paying your bills?'.

At times, I think this is enough; but what options do I have? None, absolutely none at this point of time except joining a party, staying at IITG for research, applying to private sector etc type things that I don't want to do.

With Junma

In spite of that, I talk with Satyajit da for Gates Foundation; Pradip da for UNDP; re-establish the connection with Maya, Ranjita and Atif; attend Xomidhan session at Jorhat; write proposal for IITG project; write articles like  স্বাধীনতা নামৰ উদ্যোগটো ; settle native land documents for Rubber subsidy; help 'Balijana Development Block Protection Committee' for their memorandum submission; fight with police for stealing bike case; do trading and so on. But I feel all the time, something is missing somewhere. I have not been able to utilize the best in me.

Then I feel like broken down; the decision to come back to India starts hunting me; I feel deceived, stupid and alone; Am I making a mistake?

One year is a long time .................

The smiling face of maa, the innocent faces of BD and Junma, the hopeful faces of Agia raiz remind me I have not done anything wrong by being here at Agia. But the story should not end here.

How, when, where, why the next phase will start? God- should I still be optimistic?