Everyday questions during the home stay post-Oxford

    1. Rather than doing nothing, why aren't you starting a business when there are many brilliant ideas, as well as resources available?

Couple of reasons I guess. Firstly, my education and family environment are not business oriented. My education and upbringing ask me to help people, build society and nations. In business, the definition of success is directly related to money making, at least until one touches a benchmark such as INR 1000 Crore profit etc. I am not comfortable with that. I don’t know what has happened to me in last 3/4 years- earning money is not at all on my agenda. Even the news of Asin marrying Micromax founder did not intrigue me at all (the scenario was not like that during Microsoft days). I do trading and all finance related stuff just to make myself feel smart and intelligent, not to make money.

Urpad Beel is an excellent business opportunity at Agia

One more reason may be – I have observed a few local businessmen in Assam. They are super rich and at par with the startups who used to come for ‘Young Turks’ of CNBC TV18. These people manage the insurgents, political parties and Bihu donations. In Assam, the definition of entrepreneur is like that only, which I think illegal and I hate. So far as the ‘young Turks’ entrepreneurs are concerned, I tried a bit during Microsoft days and I did not feel the push as I didn’t have the urge for money making. Also, the words such as venture capitalist, ass-kicking idea, break-even, bottom line- I don’t feel accustomed to. This is not my strong area at all. ‘Play by your strength’, that I always tell on the career counseling sessions, will be false for myself.

I used to give another argument for not starting business – the path is very long until one gets noticed and I don’t want to invest that much time (same as IAS preparation in twenties). The experience of my non-profit starts ups gave me the exact idea of the kind of life I would be living being an entrepreneur. But now I think- even the path to become Prime Minister will be a long one; but I am ready to embark on that. So, I contradict myself sometimes; maybe it’s the interest factor that matters the most.

In summary, I have no interest in doing business. Of course, I want to do something like this – open a rubber related industry at Agia, where I will also have some shares and thousands of people will get benefit (I find this Narayan Murthy, Ratan Tata type of thinking- they made money and also changed India); contribute some percentage for auctioning a river for fishing and get a monthly payment, invest some money in wood mill or sand/coal mining and keep getting a percentage and help them time to time by giving knowledge or glorifying the social service part of mining. In other words, not a full time businessman, but keeping the local business people in good faith by various ways. 

2. Rather than doing nothing, why aren't you joining a political party?

In Indian context, as on today, my first data point for joining a political party is not ideology (although I can give a 2 hour lecture favoring ideology politics); it will be personal  growth and the kind of people and domain I would be working with. On that context, no political party has approached me, except LDP. And, I did not approach either. Why?

After seeing the plight of ground level worker (such as Bhaiti da, Xoru mama who are not blue-eyed), I am certain that’s not the way for my entrance into the Indian politics. Their scene is like going to a government office and talking to the peon and feeling proud that you have managed, when you could have always talked to the main ranking officer. This peon approach reminds me of the frustrating pain that I undertook with Maa and Deuta, waiting hours after hours just to have a glimpse of another peon, particularly in Guwahati for applying some government’s assistance for Deuta’s ailment. So, if I have to enter to politics some day, this has to be via Shashi Tharoor way or it will be restricted to Montek Singh Ahluwalia level.

a.     But what’s harm in contesting election (assume they are offering you a ticket) just to get the highlight and you can do much more with that highlight (for example what Prodyut Bora did); you need not to win election? My answer would be -No harm, but I myself will not apply for gift ticket.

b.    What if a winning probably party asks you to manage their election campaign?- If they pay me salary, maybe I will. It would be a great learning opportunity as well. I always envy the guys in ‘Citizens for Accountable Governance’, so why not trying by myself? Also, it might open some other door in the future.

c.      Are you seeing politics as your growth opportunity and not an instrument to help society – Maybe! The current politics is so nasty that it has corrupted me as well.  But if I am given a position, the only thing I will do eventually is to help people and make my state among India's top five and India in the league of Abdul Kalam's ambition.

I admit I am very ambitious. My target is big, as big as a cabinet minister in the central government. I have that confident that I can become an awesomely efficient minister. I am even ready to remain unmarried until age 45 if I am given a unique and powerful opportunity to serve India/Assam. Making a mark in human life is more important for me than leaving a biological mark. 

In summary, as on today, I will not join politics. But I will observe closely, and will be in good terms with all leaders as my way of entering politics doesn’t need me to attach to any single political party. 

3.  Rather than doing nothing, why haven't you joined a job? 

Yes, I want to do a job, but I don’t have a single offer right now. 

• Did I reject any offer- Yes, only one from CFBI. 
• Did I have any other offer- answer is No.  
• Did I deliberately didn’t apply or missed opportunity – Yes. I could have easily expressed my interest for Jindal or Brookings when I met them in Delhi. But I chose not to, because I did not want to work with those organizations or on that domain. 

Since childhood, my decisions have been influenced by other factors. Post Oxford, first time I was trying to do what I love to do. And, you know what- this is not turning out to be a great experience. 

• Why am I not going to Aizawl or apply NISG again? Because I believe I will insult the Oxford degree if I do so. 
• Is this my ego? - I don’t think this is my ego, rather a determination or an ideology. 
• Is this ideology bigger than earning a few bucks- maybe Yes.
• Going to foreign country or joining back private sector? Recently, Yes. To be honest, I tried opening up a few doors for going abroad with help from 2 Oxford professors. This is not working until now. I had to convince myself for doing that as it was my decision to come back to India. Hmm, I have made many wrong decisions in life. I am sorry !

So, what kind of jobs am I looking at? First preference is the Public Policy domain and second preference is the Government sector. That’s why I was so passionate about the Twitter position and also passionate about the NITI Aayog or the SAARC position. Is money a factor – I think NO. I am fine with Rs. 70000/- ceiling for NITI Aayog YP thing, although I can earn more (I believe) if I would have opted for CFBI.

In summary, I don’t have any offer with me and that’s why I am not doing anything. This is noteworthy to mention that I am not only restricting myself to the ‘most ideal’ jobs only; I did apply to a few jobs that are not quite the type I was looking at; but I failed measurably. This is the reason why I have start believing the astrology thing; probably this is the time, no matter how much I try, I will not get any damn job. There should be an explanation why a member of parliament, a president of Assam’s largest body, a seasoned bureaucrat or my own merit – nothing has been proved helpful in getting a job, for that matter, not even an interview call.

4.  Why aren’t you writing a book or some fine articles/papers?

I always thought while I was outside- given some free time at home I would pen down a book. Now, I am home for almost a year, doing nothing, but have not written a single line; in fact, haven’t managed to write a single line. This is an unforgivable offense. I tried thinking why I am committing this fucking offense.

For a book, I should have prepared myself with 1/2/3 ideas and a timeline, along with a routine. To be honest, I never thought I would stay at home for these many days. Even, till today, I have not brought out many cloths out of my suitcase, as I kept that ready for my next destination. At any point of time (for example, while writing the due date on the borrowing books of the library), I think- ‘I might not be at Agia by that time). The AASU meeting, Nischal’s visit, Moina’s homecoming, my birthday, and finally I stopped setting up own timelines. This unrest condition prevented me from starting many activities- writing is one of them.

But why not starting from today, now? Because, my mental energy is at such a low level that I would not be able to produce quality materials for sure. I was trying to concentrate on a few ideas, gosh! I can’t even proceed with the creative thinking.

But what about writing an article at least? Yes, that should not be excuse any more. This blog-post is one such step (to contribute to the future auto biographer- at least this blog is a good thing I did). After publishing the insurgency article in AKB, I will start writing the Indian policy-making article. A conversation is going on with Shamim for paper as well.

God help me- I will give tiny steps to correct myself. Here is a lesson though- next time whenever I would take a break, the only priority will be to pen down a book. The idea, routine, style of writing would be decided before I reach Agia. There has to be one hour in seclusion everyday to write stuff. 

    5. Why aren’t you making your non-profits bigger, a social entrepreneur in real sense?

A portion of the answer for this question lies in the above question of starting a business. The concept of NGOs is so demeaning in Assam/India, that I avoid saying the word NGO these days. The impact is very limited unless you reach a particular level. Also, I think there are bigger stuffs to take care than increasing reading appetite, doing career counseling or doing xahitya Unicode etc.  People are dying, there are riots, corruptions changing behavior–these need urgent attention. There has to be some people working on those complex areas, and I love to volunteer for that.

Career counseling at Dudhnoi college for Xomidhan

At the same time, I hate the social worker concept. I don’t want to be an object of sympathy for doing social service. I want to change societies and build nations. And, in India, only governments/politics can give me that opportunity.I have worked with Ashoka fellows, Magsaysay award winners- but they don't influence me the way Modi or Arvind Kejriwal(the politician) influences me, or even Himanta Biswa to an extent.

The arguments of impact, credibility, interest are also applicable why I am not keen of applying fund from Raj Ram Mohan Ray Library or Reeta Choudhury’s NBT. Getting some amount of money is great, but the actual impact is not at all aligned to what I want to achieve. The flood-livelihood program was an exception as there was local expectation and the distress was too much. 

By the way, am I wrong? Looking at the efforts of Abul Kalam Azad, Tarun Cherukuri, Prakhar, Anshu Gupta- hmm, I am not quite sure. But, I have little trust on the NGO concept these days and this is the biggest reason.

 

NB: Taking decision is always difficult and our thinking process changes with age and circumstances. I hope this post, after 10 years, will help to track the evolution of Zing.