Life in a Metro vs Non-Metro

I am writing this blogpost from Bengaluru, sitting at the Ibis Hotel room#936, looking at the chaos of traffic, lights, buildings and advertisements through my window. To calm my thoughts, I think, the only way is to start writing.

I have realised, whenever I visit a metro city, whether it be Delhi, Pune, Hyderabad in the recent past or Bengaluru this time, I become restless. I go back to some of my old decisions, start making comparisons between metro and non-metro lives, try running away from some internal questions etc. Let me ask myself- why? Why is this happening after so many years of taking the decision to return to a non-metro region? Am I not satisfied and happy with the decision? Have I made a mistake? 

The answer also I know. I am much happier there, and that decision was not a mistake. Still why this restlessness? How can I learn to take decisions and not ask for validation again and again, year after year?

I again blame my upbringing, particularly childhood dreams. As a kid, we were always taught that moving to metros is what an aspiration looks like. That's what 'big' people do, that's what meritorious men do, that decision is what gets the societal 'respect'. The 'losers' can't cope with the city life and go back to perish silently. They can't adjust anywhere. 

Now, there will be a few outliers like Zing who broke that belief and made an 'awkward' decision. But is the trend reversed? Are the 'childhood dreams' stopped? Is the society adapting to any new trend? Above all, is there a new trend at all?

The answer is no.

I think there maybe another reason. I still have an option to come back to a metro life. Ideally, this should have acted as a confidence booster. But in reality, it is giving me restlessness and compelling me to have constant comparisons. Comparison in terms of respect, salary, exposure for kids, confidence, love for wife, social circle, acquaintance with new brands etc. It provokes me - you needn't come to the IT domain, try in your own interesting domain in a metro. I ask- why again? 

Two other aspects are also here.

Firstly, I know deep inside my brain, the desire to stay 1-2 years in a metro outside India (maybe Kolkata also?) is still prevailing. I am not trying for this now and very unlikely in future too. But who knows? Another question I keep asking myself- if Majoni wants to do Bachelor in Delhi, shouldn't I take up a job side by side in Delhi? I will not be sixty by then. I don't know. I am not keen, but, you never know.

Secondly, the middle class tracker zing keeps asking- haven't you shifted back to non-metro because you can't cope up with metro life - you middle class moron! But, I used to have the vibrant social life in metros amongst all my friends. Wasn't I still coping up?  For whatever reason, I took the decision, the real question is whether I am happy now or not. 

You know I often think, I have really matured. Unnecessary thoughts can't bother me much. My indecisiveness/blurriness has reduced to a large extent. I have narrowed my scope. Then situation like this, a visit to a metro city makes me wonder have I really matured? Or, is this another angle of maturity which nobody had taught us ever?