Looking at 'life as period'

Hello Manjit,
How are you doing? Are you still single? Is your book done? Are you still searching a job that is relatable to your wholesome skills?

You know I used to take pride/satisfaction that I invented some concepts. I say, I invented this terminology of seeing 'life at a moment' vs 'life as period'. But later I found out the same philosophy has already been forwarded by Prof Danial Cohenman in a slightly different format, although moot idea is same. I believe my thought process is at par with leading thinkers of this world; but I am not getting the opportunity. Rather, I have not been able to create the opportunity with my current capacity.

A) The first leap out of closet: I was looking at the whatsapp status of Narayan, son of my mother's elder sister. He has joined a block/circle level office as computer operator type job a few months back. He was sharing photos of attending meeting of conference room, video conferencing, a glimpse alongside DC/ADC etc. Coming from the similar background, I know these were big deals back then (even now!). Knowing even a peon or chowkidar in any govt office was considered luckiest. Whenever I find someone (including Narayan) sharing such pictures or updates, I couldn't laugh. A strange type of disappointment bothers me; I feel like crying, or to be honest, I cry sometimes (including today). I see myself, Deuta, Maa or Dada imbibed into those Narayans. I feel so so small. If someone asks is that your 'aukat' , what should I say?
                           Let's not have slightest doubt in your mind that people will eventually attach you with this slightest weak link. After going the above paragraph, many will say, 'C'mon, these are past and not relevant for you now'. I too thought that way. But not always! You will find people who are waiting for the very chance to show you the 'aukat' of the past because you have matched them in the present. Caste, geography, parental income/profession, siblings are examples of such links.

B) Equality & Justice: In my immediate circle, I find 90% of the people started life from a privileged line ahead of me. It makes the comparison very difficult. This realisation first came to me during NIT Durgapur; with times, the percentage of such people has only increased in my circle. I try my best to keep a balance, but that is not possible. Incidentally, the Assamese circle has most people in the fewer percentage category, and my office circle is the highest contributor to the larger percentage category. This constantly gives me two different emotions- firstly, I feel sad for missing the privileges and consider that as the biggest contributor to my current misery/failure/low esteem (of not doing anything significant); secondly, I get zero inspiration from my circle because I consider them as failed product who have only managed my level (which is a failed level) even after starting from a privileged mark. On a different note- I feel good when I see the son of a state Chief Minister becoming the Chief Justice of India. That also means I give recognition to a 'high-fi' level of people where person of my kind don't, in fact, shouldn't get entry. I know, this a very middle class thought -- 'xihot dangor manuh!'. When will I start recognising myself equal to them? Will that self recognition ever come considering the point(A) above?

Dear future self, share your current thought on the two topics above.

C) Hiding truth or exposing knowledge: I think I have super middle class mentality. If you think that is wrong, you must be worried as I have found scientific explanation to carry forward my way of living/thinking. Now, I am in conundrum - am I becoming more middle class or am I getting enlightened with help of new found knowledge?
            I will give two examples- first one is related to finance. Why haven't I bought a car, a washing machine, why am I living in Mahipalpur etc. Robert Kiyosaki has provided all the explanation in terms of asset and liabilities. The theory on minimalism is another eye-opener. Walking to workplace has the health reasoning as well. Overall, I think I am doing nothing wrong. The second one is Cohenman's explanation of 'experiencing self' vs 'remembering self'. The happiness in a moment is forgotten in 6 Sec; it does not even help in decision making. This kind of knowledge has helped me in lot of buying decisions.

Recently I have observed my attention span has decreased. Continuously sitting at a place and writing have become difficult. I have not written a single line for the book in last 4-5 months. 3-4 Article ideas are pending since the beginning of the year. I must understand there is no other way I can make an impact by being alone except writing. The pain of not being able to write is creeping in. This is serious now and I must find a solution.

Enough for today. Now that I have found a way to write to you, I will fall back on this option frequently (hopefully). Take care,


Your Yours truly
Zing