How was 2018 for me?

Saute Saute one more year passed by. As usual, in the last couple of days, I kept myself busy going through every page of my 2018 diary. The big observation is that my diary writing habit has become completely irregular after joining NSDC. There is absolutely no writing on any front. I am so sorry for this.

Two events dominated the last year.

Shifting from NeGD (Jangpura) to NSDC(Mahipalpur) was the biggest event. I started the year on non-inspiring mood with desperate attempt for a change from NeGD. Apart from the accidental trip to Saudi Arabia, I can only remember my repeated failed job applications, working under arrogant manager such as Neeraj Kumar and worst colleague Jayalakshmi on Digigaon project, talk of NeGD getting shut, transfer of Sanjeev Gupta, the office politics even within A&C team, talks of despair with Amit and Loonaji, trying to buy home furniture after the Guwahati shift fiasco- that's it.

The last moment captured at Jangpura

Then the final good news came from NSDC on 9 March and my activities change. After the disastrous home trip in April (I will write about this later), I focused on house hunting in Vasant Kunj E2 and Mahipalpur areas. House hunting is always a memorable (read as painful) experience; Debismita (Mamu) helped a lot and finally I zeroed down my current rented house on 27 April. The shifting was done in a Tata Ace at only 1400/- with help from only Trishna. This shows my minimalism. I slept at Mahipalpur first time on 29th. My philosophy of 'commuting to office on foot' remained intact- I was happy for that.

I don't have much complaint about Mahipalpur except the water issues. I can write pages how I faced humiliation and discomfort (went to Aerocity metro station for clearing one day) because of water issues at the new place. Rest has been ok. But, I indeed have many complaints about NSDC, the manager and the people & the company culture. I had to struggle to understand the skill ecosystem which is an entirely different world. My self confidence touched bottom many a days when I thought I chose the wrong job. The obsession(forced) with work went to such a level that I start dreaming about pending works in my sleep. My manager who is a retired colonel of Indian Army, has been super non-inspiring (on multiple days I have mentioned this in diary). He crossed his lines many a times(not inviting for meetings, making my weekends hell, setting up unattainable targets etc) and I felt like quitting. But somehow I continued, although my learning from him has been minimal. Some team members/reportees also created huge issues many a times, which was quite new for me as a people's manager. On several Mondays, I have written how I had to literally drag myself to office (after Monday, things used to get settled somehow). The changes in leadership, most specifically the way NSDC fired COO, CPO and HR-head had created a bad impression about NSDC. I think from October onwards, I first wrote in my diary that I started loving the job. Of course, some good things did happen in between- health check-ups, ISB pass-out student reporting to me directly, my initiative to know what other team of NSDC does, meeting couple of good people in NSDC and of course, learning things & meeting people from a completely different ecosystem. Now,eight months into the job- I won't say I am enjoying, but the bad anguish have gone. I will stay here until the end of election, for sure.

The second big event is the marriage discussion. After much deliberation, I decided to speak about Trish at home. The feedback was negative from Moina. On April trip, while going from Airport to home, I told Dada, and surprisingly, he was also negative. Then at home, the topic of marriage was just initiated by Dada. There was no name mentioned. But the way Maa reacted to BA vs MA, working vs non-working components I was stunned. I felt like Maa was indirectly talking about Trish only; I maybe wrong. I got angry/cried after many days. I didn't have slightest clue Maa would react in such a way. Later, Pranjal initiated the topic one day without naming anyone and then Bhini and Majani bai discussed this one day with name. Both Bhini and Pranjal told Maa's reaction was quite unusual. It seemed she knew something, already decided and was sitting on a volcano. The last thing happened, on 15 June, when Maa one day called to ask me that I should stop sending messengers to her advocating Trish. To be honest, Bhini's visit with Majani bai was a complete surprise for me. Maa also used many bad languages and derogatory remark that I was completely shocked. Is this my mother only? Maa's reaction on Trish case is something I could not comprehend at all. I have been taking most of my decisions until now; for some reasons, all family people believe they are the smartest and I am the dumbest in marriage decision. But, looking at Maa's situation, she might get heart attack if I do anything against her wish. Even while mentioning about this marriage thing, the way she fumes, I really get scared.

I informed everything to Trish. One day, even her mother called(28 Aug), I told there is no future. However, we keep meeting sometimes in Delhi. Most of the times, she only initiates the meeting. I also don't feel like forbidding her for no fault of her own. Many other people also knew about this fiasco, I believe, since Joy Da one day telling "Maa i kotha bilak mana nai bule". Though Trish says she does not expect anything now, I know she still does. On top of everything, I have not met any girl also in the whole year that I might get attracted. Manjil and Nabanita told about two girls- unemployed after PhD. But I am not even interested in those profiles.

I am in a deep shit in this matter. I see no ray of hope in coming days. I tried writing a letter to Dada and Moina which is currently lying in my draft, asking me to get out of this and requesting to consider the whole event from a different angle. I have no intention of sending that now. I am getting old day by day. But, there is no way to come out of this mess. I never thought marriage thing would be so complicated for me. God- you have to take me out of this. There is absolutely no one that I can rely in this case. Please ! show me a direction at least.


There is one more event, which might lead to a big event later, but, for now an insignificant one. I have finally started working on the book. Although I have not written a single word, the requirement gathering has led me to meeting top notch bureaucrats, ULFA leaders etc. I am also tracking my efforts in this endeavor and that calls for a separate blog(maybe book chapter) itself. If all goes well, I should be able to make some progress on this in 2019.


Death:
As I always say, one sign of growing up is to lose the near and dear ones. This year was dominated by multiple deaths. The big one is Sukracharjya Da. This was unimaginable and unacceptable. Losing a person with so many unfinished dreams actually breaks down the whole chain. This death has a big impact and we all are victims still. I created a folder "If I die" in my hard disk with the passwords, my various investments etc after this incident. Losing Dibakar Da is another bad news of the year. If I go back to my childhood, Dibakar Da is one of the most important figures. His last days have been really painful. I wish I could help him in some ways. Except donating Rs 5,000/- once, I only talked over telephone. What a waste of valuable life for him!
Apart from the two, death of Himani Rabha's father by accident, Parimal Khura by accident, the E&Y guy at office, the young guy from Solmari by heart attack during gym, and finally news of Alok, who is in the last stage of cancer. Maybe I have learnt to value life more in this year. And death- let's accept this.

Noteworthy public event:
The year started with publication of the first draft of NRC. The protest by 4 senior judges (including Ranjan Gogoi who became CJI later in the year) against CJI was a big event for Indian democracy. The issue of Cambridge Analytica shook the whole world. From Assam, the class-12 paper leak at Goalpara Science academy, the amazing success stories of Rima Das and Hima Das and the arrest of corrupted APSC officials are some highlights.

Trips outside NCR:
1. Bhangagarh (with Dhurjyoti Da and others)

At Alvaro's marriage

2. Riyadh (with Suraj Arora)
3. Thukran farmhouse (with Sumo on invitation from Trish)
4. Dehradun- Missouri trip (alone to meet Dibakar and visit IAS training academy)
5. McLeod Ganj - Dharamshala trip (with Moina)
6. Home trip in April (the disturbing one), then to Goa for Alvaro's marriage
7. Aligarh, Bulandsehar for RPL Saubhagya surprise visit (official)
8. B-day trip to home (first after death of Sukracharjya Da)
9. Meeting ULFA/the Book trip to home (met Sunil Nath, Hemaprobha Saikia etc)
10. Guwahati trip (official) for 5 Oct Agriculture workshop
11. Visit of family members (trip to Jaipur, Agra) and my subsequent trip to Mumbai (bought MF)
12. Shillong trip (official)
13. Personal visit to home for Under the Sal Tree festival
14. Official trip to Hazira at L&T premise

Important days of 2018:
4th Jan (both UNDP and NSDC application was submitted, got calls from both eventually), 5 Feb (standing whole day in front of Saudi embassy), 20 Feb (sudden & marathon interview at NSDC), 8-9 March(offer letter - first and then final one), 10 March (watching stand up comedy with Sumo at Laughing Club), 19 Mar (attended Off the cuff with Himanta, with Karuna Da), 9 April (finished the much awaited Atal Mentoring task by calling Axom Jatiyo Bidyalay; no progress later), 27 April (finalized my current residence), 2 May (first day at new office), 26 May ('typical middle class' - buying the first windows AC), 4 July (@Office surprise entry of Aakarshan), 18 July (NeGD get together at PSOI), 25 July (bad day at office - culprits like Nishtha & Shahbaz, ended up meeting Toby from BSG), 8 Sept (watched Zubeen live after many days), 29 Oct (meeting Jayati after ages), 19 Nov(worst OLA ride with Aakarshan coupled with longest stay at office), 8 Dec (Attending Akhil da's protest), 16 Dec(presenting at NRL ideathan)


Meeting new people:
Ruskin Bond, Nagesh Lukmoni(revived after Microsoft days), Jyotiprasad Deka (revived after IITG days), Rinku (debaroon's cousin), Ayo (from BSG), Suresh Ranjan Goduka (revived after Library opening days), A M Naik (L&T group chairman becoming NSDC chairman), and of course all the NSDC people - the manager and the team.

Good and bad things:

Badungduppa without Sukra Da

I just want to glance at some good-bad things happened last year with me. Some good things for which I feel good - preparing the Agri startup concept for Sasha da, getting shortlisted for UNDP finally although declined from my end, interviewing by BSG for alumni profiling, sending Nischal to Badungduppa to clear the pending documentation after Sukra Da's death, solving the fight between Arup  and Ruma, buying the air conditioner, putting up OLQ in Youtube via Pocket Films (although the list of unfulfilled wishes are more for OLQ promotion),  spending money on ISKCON's Discover yourself course (although couldn't attend fully), the much awaited family trip to Delhi, reviving the Ghy land thing with finding the jamabandi, Dada submitting the khazna etc, introducing Komal Chamling to Badungduppa, pushing the Tranche 2 thing at office.
On bad/failure things - rejection of my service delivery proposal by BSG, my failed attempt to revive the  Xomidhan bank account although the PAN card was a partial success, the failed attempt of Dada's promotion.

Family:
The second big event of the year is indeed related to family and I already elaborated. Maa's retirement and subsequent re-appointment along with the pension works are highlighted events on family front. Dada's financial condition has been the most worrying component on family. This has led to many confrontations and finally has led his whole family to shift to Agia. I can only hope new year will bring some good news to Dada's financial condition.


Health:

• Started taking high BP tablet (Cilacar), although not regular
• The big teeth X-ray and my pending works (2 RCT, fillups) on my teeth
• Multiple times cold and this taking much longer to get recovered. After buying AC and in December - the cold & cough are still bothering me. Delhi weather is the main reason
• Dada's mild heart attack has frightened me
• I have started wearing the MI band that I bought long back. Now I track my sleep and steps
• Ended the year with full body check up with package from NSDC at Medanta hospital

  

  At NSDC

  
  

How I performed against the things I planned in the last year review post:

1. More trading- Beyond expectation. I invested around 3 Lacs in equity this year
2. More writing- Terribly below expectation. Even no post in the autobiography blog, leave aside other writing. I must do something about it.
3. More effectiveness: The month of January was effective as I was tracking via diary. This was the reason I bought a diary this year also. NSDC work took hell lot of time. I must manage office timing this year
4. Moina'a marriage - no progress; job change - DONE; new tenant at Agia- DONE; buy nearby Agia college land- made some progress, but still incomplete; Library award ceremony- NO
5. More reading- Yes, maybe for the ULFA book.

Thoughts for next year:
Moina's marriage, post-election big-bang something, work on the book, more public writing - now stop. Let's not expect anything more.

Goodbye!